What I Need
Fandom: Arrow
Spanking Pairing(s) or/and Main Characters: Slade Wilson/Oliver Queen
Summary: Oliver reaches out to Slade
Notes & Warnings: AU
Spoiler up to: Season four
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Slade
I don’t really know why I’m writing this message. I don’t think I’ll ever send it. Not unless I could send it to the man I used to know. Not the one who hates me now. And I don’t blame you for that. Most days, I hate myself. I try to do good, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see past the monster I became after I left you for dead on the Amazo.
There are so many things I wish I could do differently. I let Shado die and maybe it all started there. I gave you the mirakuru, but I wouldn’t have done that differently. I was going to lose you anyway, but I know you clung onto your humanity for as long as you could. It was my fault you lost it. My fault you lost yourself. It’s why I couldn’t kill you. You’re at least partially responsible for turning me into who I am now. But I’m fully responsible for what you became. And if I could go back and do things differently, I would know how to save you without using the mirakuru. And you wouldn’t have lost so much of yourself.
I always found you easier to talk to than anyone else. All of my family saw me one way and you were the only person to see me differently. It was a long journey and it was very painful at times, though I think that was more physical for me than you, but I’m only alive because of you. When you stepped in and took me to task, even when it left me unable to sit down comfortably for the rest of the evening, I felt completely safe. I had boundaries. For the first time in a long time.
I can’t tell anyone this. I can’t even tell you this. But part of me wishes we could just go back to before. Not with the danger, but when I had someone who didn’t just see the rich, spoiled brat, but saw someone in desperate need of an authority figure.
I don’t think you’re a monster. What you became was my fault. Not yours. And there’s still a good man there. And I need you. I can’t voice it out loud. I can’t tell anyone else this, but I can’t be in control all the time. I need the man who protected me and took care of me. And, yeah, who gave me boundaries and spanked me when I needed it. This letter is never going to reach you, but I had to write it anyway. So I could still have hope.
Oliver
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Kid
I don’t know if you hit send accidentally, or if you just decided ‘to hell with it’. If it was the former, then you struck gold with guessing my email address. I’m allowed supervised access to the internet, but I certainly wasn’t expecting you to send something.
I’ve had a lot of time to think and to remember. I don’t hate you. You aren’t the monster. I am. And you’re asking me for something I don’t think I can give you anymore. Things were different on the island. Simpler. We relied on each other for survival. And I was more certain about how to deal with you and how to separate myself from the bad things I did.
I can’t just step back into your life, kid. I’m where I belong. If you have needs, you’re going to have to look for them somewhere else and with someone who hasn’t hurt you so much in the past. It’ll be better for you if you forget I ever existed, because everyone close to me has suffered since the mirakuru took hold.
Don’t do anything stupid.
Slade
I Know
Summary: Slade learns Oliver is taking chances. Companion to What I Need
Notes & Warnings: References to character death, AU, mentions of violence, BDSM undertones
Spoiler up to: Season two
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Kid
My jailors talk. They don’t talk to me, of course. But they talk where I can hear them. And they talk about you. Or rather, they talk about the Arrow. I’m fairly sure Waller hasn’t shared your real identity with them. And this e-mail account is secure enough that only someone of your Felicity’s calibre would be able to hack into it. And there’s no one close enough to Starling City who’d think to look at this particular account.
I don’t know if you got my last message. If you read it and just disregarded what I said to you. I suspect that’s the case, as what I’ve heard indicates you have a death wish. You’re acting reckless and if you keep at it, you’ll bring down even more enemies on your head.
I’ve come to realise I can’t stay away from you. It’s clear you need what we had on the island, before the Mirakuru warped my mind and twisted everything that was good about me. I doubt there’s anything good left in me, but for your sake, I’m willing to try to return to the man I was.
I’m not planning to break out of prison. And I’m not asking you to break me out. What I did to you and everyone else was my responsibility. I’m where I belong, where I can’t hurt anyone else if the cure wears off and the mirakuru takes over again. Because that happened when I went home. The mirakuru took over again and because I wasn’t strong enough to protect those I care about, again, Joe died.
I can’t make you come here, kid. I don’t have any power over you that you haven’t given me. But I know you think you need me. And I can’t ignore that any longer.
So here is what I propose. When you get my message, you come here. No delays. Unless you have a very good reason, delays will cost you penalty swats.
When you arrive, you’ll have to bribe the guards to look the other way, unless you want them to watch. And I’m pretty sure you don’t. I know your sordid history, kid. You probably wouldn’t care over-much, but I don’t want an audience.
You’ll need to bring something with you. A switch. Make sure you strip it thoroughly. Any twigs or knots I have to remove will only get you extra strokes.
When you arrive in my cell, I’m going to strip you naked. That’s not a suggestion. The moment you step inside, you will give up all control to me. And I will take you over my knee first to warm you up with my hand. Once I feel you’ve had enough of a warmup, you will bend over the bed for ten stripes with the switch. More will be given if any of my earlier instructions are disobeyed.
I don’t know what will happen next, kid, but I promise you one thing: I won’t leave you alone. Never again.
Slade