Stories From The Island
Unexpected Ally

Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for various MARVEL movies and television programs; strong crude language; strong violence

***

Another night and day had gone by since the 'cave incident 2', as Tony had begun referring to it.

The rest of the family had begun to refer to it the same way, to Pepper's amusement. "I am so glad you have decided to use your powers of persuasion for the good!" she teased her fiancé.

"Like dad would let me get away with anything else..." he teased back, giving Steve a grateful look. Tony knew, more than anyone, how off the rails he could go without his father's checks and balances to redirect him when necessary. He hoisted up the cooler holding the drinks up a little higher, as they began the trek down to where Bucky was building the night's bonfire.

Pepper adjusted her grip on the bedding she carried. Everyone had changed into pajamas already and either had an armful of food and drink that they planned to use for the evening and breakfast the next day, or bedding that everyone would be using to sleep in when they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer. When Kara had requested to 'sleep under the stars', everyone else had loved the idea.

Steve grinned at Tony and nudged him gently. "You've got that right." His voice was gentle, filled with loving affection and amusement.

It didn't take long before everyone was gathered around the bonfire, blankets placed out to give people something to sit on as well as to sleep on.

Satisfied that everyone had a blanket to sit on and one to wrap up in if they got cold...and noting with some bit of amusement who was cuddling up close to who (this was the first time Tony thought he'd ever seen Raina sitting as close to her father as she could get; but if she moved any closer, she'd be on Uncle Phil's lap- and Grant, Loki and Kara weren't all that subtle about sticking close to their fathers, either), Tony began to pass around skewers for everyone to grill whatever food they wanted to over the open fire.

Bobbi, feeling that her brother and sister needed a bit more quality 'dad cuddle' time, had sat down next to Lance and was cooking two hotdogs over the flame, just the way she knew he liked them. "Do you remember the last time we grilled hotdogs over an open fire?" she asked Lance, with a grin and a giggle.

Lance looked surprised for a moment... and then laughed, as Bobbi's question sparked his memory. "That was our last... 'disaster', wasn't it?" he asked, using his fingers to make the air quotes.

"Oh, yeah!" Bobbi laughed.

Bucky raised an eyebrow at his son. "And what 'disaster'..." he used the same form of air quotes as Lance, "...would this be?" he asked, his own grin growing.

Bobbi gave Lance a sideways glance. "I think maybe I'd rather hear some other stories. I'm sure you all won't find it as amusing as we did..." she hedged, uncertain about sharing the story for more than one reason.

Bakshi had been sitting quietly, listening, but a curious look came over his face as he looked at his brother and cousin. "You can't say something like that and then back out of telling the story!" he mock protested.

"It would be fair to share your tale... after all, some of us have shared tales already," Thor spoke up.

"Perhaps...but surely Lance and I aren't the only ones to have grilled over an open flame?" Bobbi said hopefully. It wasn't that she didn't want to share, but she had no clue how to begin the story...and it was a bit embarrassing, even if it was a good memory.

"I don't know about grilling..." Pietro spoke up, from his position on the other side of his sister. "But we had some... moments around a fire." He glanced sideways at Wanda.

Wanda nodded, partly thoughtful... but the look on her face was calm and content. "There were some moments of peace... some happy times... before we joined you all."

Tony looked relieved at that comment. He never mentioned it, but he knew it was a bomb made by his company that had killed the twins' parents. The fact they had some moments that were good was a very slight balm to the guilt he always felt when he thought of it. "What did you do?" he asked quickly, genuinely wanting to hear their story.

"Well, it was just after we left the lab where we were enhanced..." Pietro began.

***

"I think we should have found a wider area." Wanda looked around the very small clearing, worried that a fire could easily get out of control... and not confident she could contain it if so. She turned to look at her brother, who was crouched in front of a pile of twigs he'd just collected at super speed. "You're showing off."

"I believe it's called 'utilising my skills'." Pietro produced a lighter and flicked it to get the flame.

"Where did you get that from?"

Pietro grinned. "It's amazing what people miss when they just feel a gust of wind."

In the distance, something was walking through the wooded area, making a lot of noise. And muttering.

("Now, you know and I know, that gusts of wind might pick up objects and carry them away, but you and I also know that the objects carried aren't usually out of your pockets when everything else outside of said pocket isn't touched by the wind. Which means there is another enhanced individual somewhere near. I think.")

"Oh, yoo-hoo! Person who runs like the wind and stole my favorite 'stripper' cigarette lighter..." a glance at the lighter Pietro had taken would have indeed shown it to have a picture of a scantily clad girl on it that when the lighter was turned a certain way would suddenly become a naked girl. "...that is my most favorite lighter, you Cad and if you wanted to compare abilities, I'm perfectly happy pulling it out anywhere and everywhere! And putting it in again, in some cases...." The words floated to the twins in a sing-song voice, right before a body clad in a skin-tight red and black suit, complete with mask, stepped into view.

"Oh! The thief has a sexy companion! Am I standing at attention? Awkward!" The suit chortled like a frat boy.

Surprised, Wanda shot a glance at her brother, as if to ask him how he'd got the lighter from this guy. All she said was, "Pietro? Give the lighter back." Her voice was calm, her hands loose at her sides... but she was still tense, hoping that this (admittedly rather strange) person wasn't going to attack due to Pietro's impulsiveness.

Pietro, for his part, immediately bristled at the way the man... or suit... was referring to his sister. He stood, his own body more obviously tense.

Glancing around, 'suit' ("I'm not giving my name unless they ask politely") took note of the kindling. "Oh! Baby, c'mon...light that fire!" He moved closer, his head slanting sideways.

"Seriously. What the fuck are you two infants doing out in the deep dark woods without your momma or daddy? Did the sexy wicked witch lure you with a candy cottage? And if so, I have a candy cane you can lick...." It wasn't clear if he was talking to Wanda or Pietro at this point.

Pietro became more tense, positioning himself between his sister and the person he suspected wasn't all there. "We're not infants." Everything about the man was putting him on edge... even more so considering the guy was masked and suited, but pretty far from a caped crusader.

Wanda placed a hand on Pietro's arm. While she wouldn't use her powers unless strictly necessary (getting vengeance notwithstanding), she was prepared to act to protect her brother. If it became necessary. "Who are you?" she asked, taking note of his muttered aside to someone... or someones... she and her brother couldn't see.

("Oh! Oh! They asked!") The suit turned towards Wanda and struck a pose, one hand at the hip and the other pointing toward his chest. "Moi? You want to know who moi is? Well, let me tell you, honey chile...." At this point, suit affected a southern drawl dripping with sugared tones. He suddenly twisted to look at Pietro. "I have been told I look like an avocado had sex with an older, more disgusting avocado... which means you will never see my face unless you wish to throw up and I am older than you, so I can call you infant if I want..." He turned to look back at Wanda. "You may call me Deadpool. No, really. That is what I shall be called from here until infinity, because it is such a badass name and I need something badass to make up for the way those motherfuckers ruined my good looks. Truly. I am a disgusting sight to see. Be glad I wear a suit. I would cry if I thought it would get me laid. Would either of you give me a pity lay? For looking like Freddy Kreuger? Yes? No?...."

"No." Though Pietro's automatic (and slightly insulted) response was probably more due to the crude language directed at his sister.

"But..." Wanda was quick to insert herself back into the conversation. "We were about to make a campfire. We have food. Pietro will return your lighter... and as an apology, we can share what we have." The look she gave her brother was pointed.

"Shame. I may look like a monster, but I move like Jagger..." Deadpool made a really crude move with his hips, in Pietro's direction, then suddenly straightened and looked at Wanda. "If you really need the lighter, you can keep it. I bought in bulk. And something to eat does found lovely. You may want me to wait until you've eaten, though. Once I've taken off the mask, you may lose your appetite."

"We've seen bad things before." The twins tried to be strong for each other. They had no one else left, after all. For just an instant, the pain of those memories was obvious... and then Wanda was turning to her brother. "Why don't you give me the pack and then light the fire?" she suggested.

Pietro nodded, handing her the pack before he crouched by the pile of sticks once more. "She's right," he tossed at Deadpool. "Not much is going to shock us."

"Huh..." Deadpool slanted his head at not getting a rise from either of them and shrugged. "Suit yourself..." He pulled the mask off, but made sure to keep it tucked into the suit so he could easily replace it if 'the wrong' people started to show up. "So what's your view on extreme bodily harm done to individuals who fucked with you and left you for dead? Just, you know...in case such a person shows up and I have to take care of business earlier than expected?" He plopped down in front of the fire and held a hotdog over the flames.

Wanda joined her brother and Deadpool at the fire, as Pietro began cooking his own hotdog and Wanda picked up one to cook herself.

"We understand vengeance," Pietro commented, sliding the lighter back to Deadpool. "If you're after that... we'll just assume your target's done something to deserve it."

"Name was Wade...before..." Deadpool said offhandedly, before taking a bite of the hotdog. While eating, he was also obviously keeping an eye and ear open for anyone else sneaking up on them.

"I'm Wanda. My brother is Pietro," Wanda said, before taking a bite from her own hotdog.

Pietro nodded, his mouth already full. His head cocked to one side and he touched his sister's shoulder as he heard faint voices... nowhere near as loud as Deadpool's had been.

Deadpool had been listening to Wanda while eating, but he'd picked up on the voices at the same time as Pietro. Putting down the food, he pulled his mask back into place and slipped into the shadows, not wanting to make his presence known until he knew if the voices belonged to friend or foe.

Pietro and Wanda stood immediately, Pietro edging a bit in front of his sister.

A group of heavily armed men came into the clearing. They carried dart guns and kept their distance... especially from Wanda... who used her ability to jerk one of the guns right as one of the soldiers was about to fire.

("Oh, looksie! Target practice!") Deadpool chortled, dropping down out of a tree and on top of the head of one of the armed men, grabbing the gun from him as he collapsed under the weight and quickly shooting him. "That's one..." he called out, taking aim at another armed man.

Pietro didn't hesitate, using his speed to barrel into one of the soldiers and then a second.

Red light swirled around Wanda's hands and it wrapped around a second soldier's gun, pulling it from his hands and causing it to drop to the ground.

The mercenary was in a zone. "...Five...six....seven...eight...Schlemiel! Schlemazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated! We're gonna do it!" And then the man was singing as he gunned down bad guys.

"Ow! Fucking unoriginal assholes don't have to shoot up Main Street every time!" a pissed off complaint could be heard, before something exploded and sounds of pain and mayhem from the attackers made it to Pietro and Wanda.

Pietro aimed a shrug at his sister, in a temporary lull before he went for another one and Wanda pushed a soldier back who was about to fire at where her brother would have been.

"Aaaaarg! T-Rex is coming for you! Rowwwr!" Deadpool fell out of a tree (and how he got up the tree again when he'd been on the ground not too many minutes before was anyone's guess) and onto another soldier, nonchalantly breaking the man's neck. "Do either of you recognize these creeps? I'm just trying to figure out if it is me they are really after, or you....Naw. It has to be me. I'm just cool like that..." he muttered, continuing to slaughter their attackers. Suddenly, one of the men shot a rocket launcher toward Pietro's back when the younger man was facing the other direction. "INCOMING!" Deadpool took a swan dive toward the blond and shoved him out of the way, catching the rocket in the gut. "Aw, man! That's gonna hurt for days!" he complained, as one half of his body went one way and his upper torso went the other.

Wanda's face showed her concern, but she quickly tugged a gun from one of the soldiers' hands, slamming it into his nose... but the men were looking around at their dead, and the cut-in-half guy who wasn't dying, and calculating their loss.

"We don't get paid enough for this," one of the soldiers muttered, before the group melted away.

Pietro stepped nearer to Deadpool's body. "Thanks... you need any help?" he asked.

Deadpool looked up at Pietro, then giggled and pointed to where the lower half of his body had landed: 12 feet away. "Yeah. Could you bring me legs back to me? I could grow them back, but it will take less time if I can just put myself back together and sew me up...most of me should reattach correctly...I think. Maybe." He sighed softly. "Maybe I better just let everything grow back. I'd hate for my kidney to attach to a testicle and it will take too long to sew every individual item into the correct spot..." he finally mumbled to himself. "Course, I really don't want anyone getting hold of my old legs, so I guess I'll have to burn them...." And he was off on a rambling monologue involving goats, ice cream and horny mercenaries that was near impossible to understand...not that anyone would want to understand it.

Pietro paused, but when it seemed that Deadpool's rant wasn't going to end any time soon, he interrupted. "Do you want me to bring them over? Or not?"

Wanda stepped over to Deadpool and helped the upper half of his body to sit up against the closest tree. While she avoided stepping in any blood, it didn't really bother her.

"Yes, yes...bring them over. We wouldn't want anyone doing anything nefarious with them; and if they're doing 'fun fucktastic stuff' with them, I want to enjoy it too!" the merc with a mouth rambled.

Pietro headed over to the legs, carefully picking them up. He made a slight face, but carried them back over to his sister and Deadpool.

"Thank you. I...uh...hate to impose...but do you think you could get me back to my hotel room? So I can hide out till my lower half re-grows? Then I can take care of incinerating the spare...." Deadpool tried to give Pietro puppy eyes...not an easy feat while wearing a mask.

"I'll be able to move you... at least to our van." Red light swirled around Wanda's hands and around both halves of Deadpool's body as she glanced at her brother and then at Deadpool. "Though maybe we should sew, or at least wrap, something around you..." She had no idea what blood loss would do to him (being cut in half wasn't having any effect), but thought it might not be as easy to grow back missing blood. Then again... he should have been dead already.

"Yeah...wrapping something around me would be good for your van at least..." Wade agreed easily. "Yeah...you're very nice and helpful. Thanks for that...and for..you know...not leaving me here to wait it out. I had to wait it out once and it's no fun chasing the wild animals away while you wait for body parts to grow back...."

"Seems like that would be in very poor form after you helped us." Pietro shrugged out of his jacket and, with his sister's help, wrapped it around his severed legs... then used one of the blankets they'd brought to wrap around his torso.

"Where are you staying?" Wanda asked.

"You know that really nice hotel just off the highway that advertises free Wi-fi and a continental breakfast?" Wade asked brightly then waited for a few seconds. "Yeah...I'm in the dump four blocks down the road from that."

Pietro gave a soft snort and then reached down to scoop up Wade's severed legs, after removing the traces of their campfire and packing everything away again.

Wanda took the pack from her brother and then her face was set in concentration as she focused on lifting the rest of Wade's body.

For his part, Wade kept up a running monologue that would drive most people to distraction. He did, however, manage to refrain from dropping F-bombs every other word or being crude. Those who knew him would know that took a lot of effort. By the time they'd reached his motel, he could feel legs beginning the slow process of growing back. ("I should be good as new by the end of the week. So I really just need to figure out where to dump the extra pair....")

Pietro parked in the hotel's parking lot and glanced around, then at his sister. "Can you cloak us?"

"There's not many people... but I can change the environment, rather than their perception of it," Wanda answered.

"How does that work?" Deadpool was genuinely interested.

"I can change reality... make people see what I want them to," Wanda answered. "Along with moving things with my mind."

"That is a nifty ability." Wade nodded. "Have you ever used it to make a boyfriend think he was a god in bed while you got sleep?" If it weren't for the mask, he would have been grinning and batting his eyelashes at her.

"I don't date." Wanda didn't say that most people didn't trust her... but then again, they didn't have a lot of room for those kind of relationships. Not with their quest for vengeance.

"Well, that's no fun. What good are mind powers if you can't manipulate a boyfriend?" Wade snarked.

"They're helpful to you right now," Pietro pointed out.

"Well, fine...be all logical and reasonable!" Wade dished dramatically. He didn't say anything else until the two twins got him into his room, however. With another sigh, he said, almost in the tone of a teen who needed to call their parents after wrecking the family car, "Guess I need to call 'ole 'Rock Balls' to have him pick me up...." He glanced around the room. "Or I could stay here for the next week and hope I don't give the maids a heart attack...."

"Who do you need to call?" Wanda asked, trying to imagine who 'Rock Balls' could be... and failing completely.

"Rock Balls...Heavy Metal Junk...Screw Head...Shit...I never call him by his real name!" Wade complained. "Colosseum? Colostomy? Colossus?" His eyes widened. "That's it! Colossus!"

"Would you like one of us to call?" Wanda asked.

Pietro wasn't as eager as his sister. "How dangerous is your friend?"

"Aw...he's always trying to convince me to do good and be a hero..." Wade shrugged. "Beyond that, he's like fifteen feet tall and solid something...." He looked at Wanda. "Unless you want his recruitment speech, I should prolly wait till you’re not here to call him...."

"We really don't need that," Pietro stated.

"Do you need anything else?" Wanda asked.

"Anything not adult in nature," Pietro put in.

Wade opened his mouth then got a stymied look on his face. "Why would you say that?" he asked plaintively. Sighing, he turned toward Wanda. "No thank you...I'm good."

Wanda nodded. "We should leave...in case any more soldiers put in an appearance."

Pietro just walked towards the door, his concern obvious.

"Yeah...do that...maybe we'll catch each other again when you're a little older. And soldiers aren't in the picture..." Somehow, the fairly innocuous words still managed to sound entirely suggestive.

Pietro glanced at Wade. "Well, you won't be 'catching' her alone... I'll be right there along with her." His voice was casual as he waved his sister to his side. He opened the door a crack, just to make sure, and then nodded to Wanda that it was safe.

"Even better!" Wade's voice sounded happily pleased and friendly- and still managed to sound suggestive. ("It's a damned gift, I tell you!") His face turned sober and his voice was serious as he continued, "Watch your backs. Take care of each other. Don't let the ones with a god complex win...."

Wanda glanced at him, a bit reluctant to leave while he was more or less defenceless... even if she did trust he would call his friend once they were gone. "You take care... try not to get yourself cut in half again."

"At least not where you can't easily get away," Pietro muttered.

"I'll do my best!" Wade cheerfully waved. "I'll just call the giant and the moody teenager now. I'll be fine. See ya under better circumstances next time. Hopefully. Now shoo!" ("Really. Shoo! This scene is over....")

***

"We haven't seen him again since then... but I'm certain he's still around," Pietro commented. "Especially since getting cut in half didn't stop him..."

Clint had an odd look in his eye. "You see him again, send him my direction. Sounds like he needs a few lessons on how to talk to people's kids...." It hadn't escaped his notice that the merc had flirted outrageously with both Pietro and Wanda.

"Why does his name and description found so familiar to me?" Tony frowned. "And why were soldiers trying to kill you? I thought you were on HYDRA's side, until you discovered the truth and joined us?"

"They were employed by the lab," Pietro replied. "And they were carrying dart guns to begin with... I think their orders were to try to capture us, but they weren't expecting us to have help."

"Guess it was good he showed up, then..."Clint smiled crookedly.

"I still think the name is familiar..." Tony shook his head.

"He might not have been polite, but he fought alongside us when he didn't have to," Wanda said. "Maybe we could have been friends." She leaned against her father.

Steve looked at his son. "A suit like that is probably hard to miss... and it sounds like he was experimented on. It might be worth looking up when we get home," he suggested.

"Yeah, it's always good to know who possible allies or enemies are...or at least who won't stab you in the back..." Tony nodded. "I knew someone like that once. He didn't trust my dad...I tried reaching out to him when dad died, but I think he thought I was too much like dad...and I was still building weapons at the time, so..." Tony shrugged in resignation.

"Who was that?" Steve asked his son gently, wrapping an arm around Tony's shoulders and squeezing gently. While Howard and Tony had never been close... he knew how much the deaths of his parents had hurt Tony. Once again, he weighed the choice of telling Tony the truth about them or not... but the last thing he wanted was to hurt his son even more, especially when nothing would change what had happened.