Two Halves of a Whole

Summary: Follows A Sister's Love. Rafal took a wound that was meant for Nel during battle. His sister isn't happy
Warning(s): Spanking; major spoilers for the Fell Xenologue; minor spoilers for the rest of Fire Emblem: Engage; references to violence; AU

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To say that he didn't understand why Nel was so upset with him was an understatement. Rafal had only acted to make sure he didn't risk losing her again. The thousand years he'd spent waiting for her to wake up had been torture...and while he wouldn't have hesitated to share his life force with her once again, a thousand years in this world would end in everyone but the Divine One dying, and the world likely falling to Sombron.

Maybe it was arrogant to assume that he and his sister would be vital to defeating the version of their father who existed in this world...but in their own world, the Divine Dragon had failed to defeat Sombron without losing their own life in the process. And they'd had the help and support of all of the royals around them. The only difference here was that he was no longer pretending to be Nil...and had far more power than he'd ever had before.

"I wish I could make you understand." Nel was speaking, and he pulled his mind away from his own thoughts to focus on her. "I couldn't carry on if you died, Rafal. You are the second half of my soul. You are my brother. You might not want to lose me, but I don't want to lose you."

He shook his head. "I won't apologise for trying to save you. I won't say I'm sorry for acting to protect you, because I'm not. And I'd do it again. Without hesitation."

"That's what I'm afraid of." She sighed. "If I don't do something about this now, I'm worried that I might lose you. And that isn't acceptable to me." Looking into his eyes, she nodded finally...as if she came to a decision. "When I woke up, I spanked you because I could feel how much guilt you carried, and I didn't want to see it crush you. But now, you're putting yourself in danger because the guilt has reached overwhelming levels again. I'm going to put a stop to it. I'm going to punish you again."

He flinched at the words. "Nel, I...."

"Do you think I'm wrong?"

He stared at her...but he could only hold eye contact for a few seconds before he had to look away. "You're not wrong," he said wearily. "But I don't understand why you won't let me protect you. Your life is more important to me than my own."

"Rafal, enough." She reached out and took hold of his hand. "We are two halves of the same whole. You are my brother, my twin, in every way that matters."

"But...." He tried to force a protest, but the words wouldn't come. He couldn't tell her she wasn't allowed to punish him; he'd given her that right when she'd done so back in their old world. He could try to argue that they weren't true twins, even if he desperately wanted them to be...but he couldn't bring himself to point that out to her. Not when she kept calling him her other half, even after knowing the truth of his identity.

"No buts," Nel said softly. "You think your life isn't as important as my own. Just like before, when you expected me to kill you. I could never have done that. And I can never stand by and let you hurt yourself for my sake. If that means I need to physically punish you, to spank you, each time you treat your own life like it's unimportant, then that's what I'll do." She gripped his hand gently and began to lead him to their shared room.

Taking a deep breath, Rafal allowed her to pull him in the direction of their room. No one else was around to see him being pulled along like a naughty child; a fact that he was grateful for. The only person who deserved to see him in such a vulnerable state was his sister; perhaps the Divine One, since they'd tried just as hard to save him from his own foolishness.

Nel didn't say anything as she led him into their room, closing the door behind them. She led him towards her own bed and took a seat, pulling him to stand in front her. She then made quick work of removing his trousers and underwear, pulling both down around his ankles.

He felt his face heat up, even though he didn't need to be embarrassed in front of her. He held his hands out of the way to allow her to remove his clothing, waiting as calmly as it was possible to for her to deem him ready for chastisement.

"Rafal." She took his hands and looked seriously into his eyes. "I love you. You're the other half of me. I can't lose you. I won't let that happen, even if the person trying to take you away from me is you."

What could he say to that? He didn't have any reasons or excuses for his actions; not any that his sister would accept, at least. So he didn't try to speak. Instead, he nodded, knowing she would understand what he didn't say, and moved forward, preparing to lay over her lap if she didn't pull him over.

Her hand gently rested on the small of his back, giving a light push, and he leaned forward, positioning himself over her knees. Even knowing what was about to happen, he couldn't help but gain some comfort from being this close to her. She accepted him, no matter what he'd done to her...no matter what he'd done to their old world.

If she'd been anyone else, he knew that his betrayal of her would result in far more than just a spanking. The punishment was humbling, but it wasn't pain beyond what he could bear. It wouldn't leave him with permanent or even lasting harm.

"I love you." The words, his response, escaped him without conscious thought. As he settled in place across her lap, he reached his hands back. He didn't need to be held in place, but he did need her to hold onto him. He needed to feel her close, after the long years where she'd been still and cold, at death's door.

Nel took his hands and squeezed them gently, then moved them against the small of his back, holding them there. Her other hand rose and fell with a sharp smack that echoed through the room and left behind a stinging sensation on the upper part of his right cheek.

Lowering his head, Rafal breathed in deeply. The swat did sting, but it wasn't unbearable. And she was holding onto him, which helped him to relax and accept the punishment at her hands. He didn't tense as she continued to smack his bare bottom, instead keeping his body limp and accepting of what his sister did.

Once she'd covered his entire backside with the stinging, firm smacks in one full circuit, Nel began to speak. "I won't pretend to understand what you went through while you were waiting for me to wake up. I understand it was difficult for you...and that while it was only a blink of time to me, it was much longer to you. But that doesn't mean you should just throw your own life away, even if it's for my sake. You were so flippant about the wound you received being fatal if it hadn't missed a vital organ, and that isn't acceptable."

"I can't lose you again." He hadn't meant to say the words at that point. He'd planned to let her punish him, to do what she needed to, and accept it...because he could never make up for what he'd done to her. But by submitting to her, he was lowering his own defences...and he couldn't help admitting the truth to her, even if the idea of being that weak in front of anyone else was one he hated.

"I understand, brother," she said. "But if you can't lose me, then please believe me that I can't lose you. You're the other half of my soul. You stayed by my side for a thousand years, waiting for me to wake up. I might not remember that time, but I understand what it cost you to have to do that." She began to swat a fraction harder and faster as she continued, "But trust me when I say that you can't spend the rest of our lives worried you'll lose me again. All that will do is foster more conflict between us...and there has been enough of that between us already."

Tears were spilling out of his eyes and a sob caught in his throat. Gripping her hands tightly, he whimpered out, "It was my fault that you were wounded. You stabbed yourself to break the curse our father had put on your dragonstone. That he'd put on me."

"Because I couldn't stand to lose you, Rafal. I couldn't bear it." She began focusing more swats to his sit spots and thighs. "And I very nearly did. If you can't bear to lose me, then understand that I feel the same away about you. You are my brother."

His squirms increased a bit more before he finally went limp and began to sob, feeling like his heart was breaking. He was so fortunate that she'd come back...that he'd succeeded in sharing his life force with her and enabling her to wake.

But perhaps she was right. He was letting his fear of losing her control his actions. But he was also aware that Nel was capable of looking after herself. Even without her dragonstone enabling her to transform, she was a formiddable warrior.

More tears ran down his cheeks and he swallowed hard, whispering softly, "I'm sorry." He didn't explain what he was sorry for. He wasn't even sure he could list the amount of crimes he regretted...the amount of people he'd hurt. But if she really believed they were two halves of a whole, he wouldn't need to tell her what he was sorry for. She'd understand it without that.

She stopped spanking him and instead moved her hand to his back, beginning to rub it gently. "I know. I won't tell you not to be sorry, but you don't need to let that regret affect every action you take going forward. I love you, Rafal. I know we're back in the middle of a war, but I still want to be with you. I still want to spend time with you. And I don't want you to be eaten up by guilt that you don't need to feel. I made my own decision to save you, but even though it was necessary to take that action at the time, I won't put myself in that kind of danger again," she promised. "I have no wish to die. Not now that you have accepted your place in my life as my beloved brother. Not now you have finally been honest with me."

Her words calmed and settled something inside him. He relaxed, even as he continued to lay over her lap, blinking back his tears. "I can't lose you," he reiterated. "It would break me."

"And I would feel the same if I lost you." She carefully pulled his clothing back into place, then helped him to stand up and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "Don't ever risk taking yourself from me again, Rafal. I couldn't live if I lost you. If I lost the second half of my soul."

Closing his eyes, he pressed in close to her and wrapped his own arms around her, holding on tight...almost clinging to her. "I won't." He whispered the words as he closed his eyes, leaning into her embrace and letting her closeness comfort and settle him.

Somehow, all of the events of today had reassured him far more than any words she'd uttered ever could.

The End