Stories From The Island
Tipsy Transaction

Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for various MARVEL movies and television programs.

***

"Well, just be glad he's not an agent then, I guess..." Mack said offhandedly to Blake, ignoring the question, but obviously having a story in mind. "It's hard enough adjusting to family changes when they are real, without having to adjust for fake or temporary ones as well...." He had a funny look on his face.

"What are you thinking of?" Leo asked curiously, his head tilted to one side, trying to imagine what 'fake' or 'temporary' ones there could be. Somehow, he didn't think it was something like when he'd gone undercover and had to pretend to be part of a family with Coulson, Grant and May... especially considering they all now were a family unit.

"I'm just remembering a particular op..." Mack began.

***

"Tell me again why we needed to bring him along?" Bobbi rolled her eyes as her ex found yet one more thing to complain about regarding the remote Canadian village they were waiting to meet their contact in.

"Because you told him where we were going and it was easier than having him beg Hartly?" Mack chuckled.

"They don't even have the right beer..." Lance groused, staring at the pint he'd been nursing... though for all his complaints, it was nearly a quarter of the way gone. "How long are we going to be waiting here for?" he asked, yet again.

"Until our contact shows..." Bobbi said, with as much patience as she could muster. She would have gone off to talk to some of the locals...but most of them were working. Sighing, she gave up fighting Lance's hints and ordered her own drink...only catching bits and pieces of the yarn he was spinning for the bored bartender.

Lance muttered something that might have been, 'Should have cased the joint,' but continued to sip his beer... giving off every impression of being relaxed and enjoying himself. Only the people who knew him well would know he was watching everything.

"I'm fairly certain Logan said he'd be at this tavern, today...I hope nothing happened...." Mack muttered, shaking his head when the bartender asked if he wanted a beer. He noticed that Lance was on his second...and Bobbi wasn't far behind. He frowned at the lack of professionalism… drinking on the job...but he supposed there wasn't much trouble they could get into in a town of this size.

"Any other way to get in touch with him?" Lance asked, finishing the rest of his beer... though he didn't immediately ask for a third, even though he was beginning to get restless.

"No. He said he'd be incommunicado until he actually got into town." Bobbi sighed, not reacting when the bartender automatically put a fresh pint in front of Lance and herself. It wasn't like they would get drunk off the weak brew.

Even though he hadn't ordered a third pint, Lance still took a sip, beginning to get the pleasant buzz he associated with being slightly tipsy and not necessarily giving much thought to what he was saying. Noticing a couple of people glancing towards them and not certain if they were getting suspicious or not, he shuffled closer to Bobbi and put his arm around her. "Certainly picked an interesting place to celebrate our engagement, darling." He pitched his voice loud enough to be heard by anyone close by... anyone who might not be as innocent as they appeared.

Mack widened his eyes, fully expecting Bobbi to verbally eviscerate the other man, if not do bodily harm. To his surprise, the woman snuggled up to the mercenary, kissing him sloppily on the lips and giving him an adoring grin…. Ooookay…. Maybe she'd decided to go along with the weak attempt at a cover story? …Would have been nice if they'd warned him first, but whatever... It wasn't like he was their partner or anything. He saw Logan come in at that moment and nodded at the man as he came and sat down next to him.

Bobbi hadn't really given much thought to the fact that she'd been drinking when she decided that Lance's idea for a cover was the best thing since sliced bread and began to snuggle to him. And then the attraction they'd always felt for each other, even when they fought constantly, took over. If she'd been a little less inebriated, she would have never done it...but she began trying to make out with him at the bar, shifting so she was sitting on his lap and facing him, kissing him with everything she had.

Even in his close to drunkenness state, Lance hadn't really expected Bobbi to go along with it... had expected her to tear him a new one. But when she planted herself on his lap and began kissing him... then any kind of control Lance had fled out of the window and he was kissing her back with enthusiasm, temporarily forgetting where he was.

"Oh, God..." Mack ran a hand over his face then shook his head as he glanced toward Logan. "What?" He'd noticed a strange look on Logan's face.

"They didn't let Rosie talk them into the local brew, did they?!" The man's face was a mix of worried amusement.

"I think so, why?" Mack asked, looking at his own pint that hadn't been drunk much, if at all. "It tasted rather weak..."

"Yeah...its taste can be deceiving..." Logan chuckled. "They probably thought it safe to drink and keep their cover, because they figured it would be too weak to affect them...but ten bucks says they aren't acting drunk."

"Aaaaw...hell, no!" Mack groaned under his breath.

Oblivious to what her other partner was doing, or the fact their contact had arrived, Bobbi pressed even closer to Lance, deepening the kiss and rubbing against him with a tiny whimper, before taking his hand and decisively sliding it up under her shirt.

Lance, heedless of them being in a public place (and forgetting they were on a mission), shifted closer to Bobbi, letting her slide his hand under her shirt as his kisses grew in intensity and his other hand pressed her closer to him.

Bobbi literally purred as Lance began to draw reactions from her that only he had ever been able to cause. The happy, satisfied, obviously aroused sound drew the bartender’s attention.

"Can't wait for the wedding, huh?" She laughed, as she commented on Lance's cover story.

Bobbi leaned back long enough to catch her breath and decided to add to Lance's story. "No...I can't...if we could get married right this second, I would..." She gave the bartender a 'shy virgin' look to sell the story, before snuggling closer to Lance again, nuzzling and nipping gently at his neck.

Completely caught up, Lance chimed in with his own comments, as his hands roamed. "If there was a way to get married here and now, we'd take it. Don't need a big wedding, after all..." His grin was slightly dopey, as he seemed to have forgotten entirely what he and Bobbi were really there for.

"I can arrange that!" The bartender got her own dopey, excited look as she realized there might be a chance for a celebration. "My grandpa is justice of the peace here! He can get everything together!" She was already picking up a phone and dialing.

"Really?!" Bobbi's eyes widened, but she was too into the moment to stop the woman and then Lance rubbed a particularly sensitive spot and she was curled up against him, moaning against his neck.

Some very small part of Lance was trying to disengage from the situation... take stock of what was going on. The rest of him was busy responding to Bobbi... something that they always did and escalated with each other, whether it was when they fought or for other reasons.

Meanwhile, Mack had been exchanging information with Logan, only paying enough attention to his partners as was necessary to make sure they didn't get into trouble or do something so obvious, they could be arrested for public indecency- one time doing that was enough, thanks - so didn't realize what was brewing until an older man with a briefcase walked in, set the case on the bar, pulled out some legal papers and then asked, "Do they have witnesses?"

"What the...?" Mack muttered, as he stood and walked to the bar.

"Him!" Bobbi squealed. "He can be best man and our new friend can be my bridesmaid! Bridesman... I'm not sure what to call you, but you can be it!" She grabbed Logan's arm and tugged him to her side, even as she extricated Lance's hand from her shirt and motioned Mack to stand next to him.

Lance stood just a bit closer to Bobbi than strictly necessary, at the point of drunk enough that he wasn't thinking through consequences... but not drunk enough to be slurring his words. "Where do we need to sign?" he asked, trying to remember what names they'd come up with for this cover story... had they come up with cover names?

Bobbi didn't often get drunk; she was meticulously careful on ops about not getting drunk, but the town brew had caught her by surprise. When the judge handed her a pen, she scribbled a name without much thought, then handed Lance the pen....

***

"As soon as they had both signed and Logan and I had signed...and the judge signed...I kid you not. The entire town came out for the celebration. Somehow, the bartender got a cake. There were pictures. Dancing..." Mack laughed. "Logan snuck out about the same time a group of big guys carried Lance and Bobbi to the local bed and breakfast on their shoulders, delivering them to the honeymoon suite. We didn't get out of that damned town for three days. Of course, the hangover the two of them had incapacitated them for at least one of the days..."

Bobbi was staring at Mack, her face so red it looked painful and could be seen, despite it being dark. "You didn't have to remember everything!" she spluttered in an embarrassed laugh.

Coulson chuckled softly and reached over to rest a hand on Bobbi's knee. "I'm not sure anyone else can top that for how missions went..." he commented.

"Just as well we didn't use our real names." Though, in actual fact, Lance wasn't certain what names they had used.

Mack glanced at Lance, his eyebrow shooting up. "You're kidding, right?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Bobbi asked nervously.

Mack looked back at Bobbi before looking at Lance again. "I made a point of reading the names you used, when I signed as witness...so I could be sure to use the right name in front of the judge. You didn't use an alias. Both of you used your real names. I figured you would have noticed that when you went to get your quick divorce...."

Lance winced and glanced at Bobbi.

Coulson noticed the look and raised his eyebrows. "You didn't get a divorce, did you?" He was looking at his daughter... but the question was probably addressed to both of them.

Bobbi swallowed, giving Lance a nervous look before turning and looking at her father with wide eyes. "N...no… We thought about going, but we had so many ops going at that time and we both thought we'd used an alias, but couldn't remember which one and thought it'd just be easier to leave the aliases married. I mean, it wasn't our real identity and it wouldn't be fraud if we weren't trying to get anything from the government or use it to swindle someone else; at least, we didn't think, so....." She hated that she sounded like a guilty child trying to convince her father that she hadn't done anything wrong. She hadn't. Had she? She glanced at Lance again, wondering if her face looked as guilty as she suddenly felt. Was Lance mad at her? It'd been her idea to just leave it.

Lance caught Bobbi's gaze and shrugged. "I guess it was as much my idea as yours..." he said, his tone apologetic.

"Apart from the fact that we probably need to track down that paperwork... whether or not the two of you still want to be married... I'm sure you both know you shouldn't have used your real names on the op," Coulson commented mildly.

Bobbi glanced at her father and gave a very sheepish and apologetic look; she knew using your real name on an op was a no-no. "Yes sir. Saying I only did it because I was too drunk to realize likely isn't a very good excuse either." She sighed before getting a nervous look. "I hope you have that paperwork, Lance. I haven't seen it any of the times I've packed up and moved and I know it isn't in any of my safe deposit boxes that I've stashed around...."

Mack frowned. "You know...I remember the judge giving Logan the papers because he was the last witness to sign and you two were already on your way to...well..." He paused uncomfortably. "I had thought he'd given them to you the next day...did he give them to you, Lance?"

Lance was already shaking his head. "I'm completely certain I never touched the paperwork after signing..." His own expression was sheepish, but he had learned not to get so drunk on an op after the hangover they'd both woken up with... so that was something.

"So I guess we'll be contacting this Logan to see if he still has the papers. If not, we need to contact the town where you were married and get copies made." Bucky's voice was droll. "I'm certain both of you know where you went wrong..." he said then couldn't help but chuckle. "Either of you ever put yourself in that type of situation again on an op and I'm sure you know what my and Phil's response will be." He glanced at Phil for confirmation, even though he didn't really need it.

"Yeah... I don't think there's any confusion on that score," Lance commented dryly. "At least now I know not to trust a beer that tastes weak."

"Should have known there was a reason it was popular despite the taste..." Bobbi's response was just as droll. She couldn't help but uncertainly snuggle closer to her father, her embarrassment as well as the rather unsettling information Mack had divulged in the story making her crave reassurance. She glanced at Lance and gave him a shy smile. They needed to talk and figure out how they wanted to handle their newfound status as husband and wife.

Bucky put his arm around his oldest son and pulled him in closer. "It'll work out..." he whispered.

Kara cleared her throat and put her head on Nick's shoulder. "Does this mean Lance and Bobbi have two dads each now?" she asked curiously, through a yawn.

Coulson wrapped his arm around Bobbi, drawing her in close and pressing a kiss to her head. He looked round, noticing that many of the others... at least the kids... looked like they were starting to get quite tired. "Maybe it's time we start settling down?" he suggested.

Lance immediately settled in close to his father, glancing at Kara. "I think all of our uncles are parental anyway," he commented, fighting his own yawn.

Kara glanced around, noting that everyone was settling down to sleep then glanced at her cousin. "That's true...but I've never gotten in trouble with my uncles..." She frowned thoughtfully, then snuggled closer to her dad and asked..."If I got into trouble with them and you weren't there, would they do what you'd do?"

"I imagine it would depend on how you felt," Fury replied, knowing that he'd dealt with some of the younger family members in the past... but also that some weren't comfortable with anyone outside their parent taking care of them.

Kara just nodded, snuggling closer. "I think...I think I'd rather not get in trouble...." She grinned impishly then closed her eyes. It didn't take long till she was asleep.

"Leave it to Kara to ask the question we all wonder at one time or another..." Raina said quietly, a tiny smirk on her face.

Coulson placed a hand gently on Raina's shoulder. "It's something that can be dealt with when it needs to," he said, glancing around at the rest of his family. "But for now... I think sleep is best."

"Yes sir." Raina smiled, leaning over and kissing her father on the cheek. "Good night...." Soon, she was asleep as well.

It didn't take long for most of the family to sleep. Soon, Bobbi was one of the few awake. She glanced toward Lance, wondering if he was having as hard a time sleeping as she was.

Despite being stretched out next to his father and brother, it was taking a while for Lance to be able to sleep. Rolling over, he spotted Bobbi glancing towards him. "Can't sleep either?" he whispered.

Bobbi shook her head gently, trying not to jostle her father as she believed he'd fallen asleep. "No...too...anxious about what we did," she mouthed.

Lance shifted just enough so he could talk to Bobbi without talking too loudly. "I guess at least we can try and contact Logan to get the paperwork back," he murmured.

"Yeah...do we know how to contact him, though?" she whispered back.

"If he's been involved in other ops, someone should have contact details for him," Lance whispered.

"Yeah. I hope he kept it..." Bobbi sighed and shifted closer to her father.

Half asleep, Coulson responded automatically by wrapping his arm around Bobbi, gathering her closer without opening his eyes.

Bobbi gave Lance a sheepish smile and snuggled closer to her father, closing her eyes.

"Worry about it in the morning, son," Bucky whispered in Lance's ear, while tugging him closer. "Sleep now...."

"Yes, sir," Lance murmured, closing his eyes and nestling in close to his father.