The Bourne Suspicion

Summary: Follows The Bourne Proposal. When Jason has a panic attack, Aaron has to calm him down.
Warning(s): Explicit sexual situations; M/m D/s relationship; Spoilers for the Bourne movies. Spanking

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Jason looked out the window at the neighborhood, sipping his coffee. He seemed calm. Happy. He waved at Mrs. Brown, their neighbor across the street, as she was getting her mail. He hadn't been sleeping well. Nightmares had plagued him the last several days. He couldn't help remembering the last time nightmares plagued him this badly, and thought about what had happened at that time.

Aaron was cooking at the stove, making them both breakfast. It didn't take him long to finish and then he was plating up. He set the plates on the table and then sat next to Jason, sprawling out so that his leg rested against the other man's. "We're running low on eggs and coffee. I'll have to make a trip to the store. Anything you'd like me to get for you?"

"We prolly need more bread too. Specially if we have grilled cheese for lunch," Jason said quietly. He gave Aaron a small smile, his eyes full of his love for the other man.

"Yeah, good call," Aaron agreed. He grasped Jason's chin, turned the other man's face towards him, and kissed him deeply.

Jason returned the kiss, opening up for his mate easily and eagerly. "Be safe..." he finally whispered, pulling away.

"Always." Aaron gave him a cocky grin. "You know how to reach me if you need me."

"Sure do..." Jason grinned and leaned forward, catching Aaron's lips in a quick, chaste kiss.

"I'll see you soon." Aaron grabbed his wallet and keys, finished his breakfast, and then slipped out to head to the store.

Jason walked to the window and watched his husband pull away before going to clean up. He then walked back to the window. Aaron had only been gone fifteen minutes, but Jason was watching for him anyway. That was why he saw what he thought was a suspicious vehicle driving past the house. (He would later find out it was a delivery person who had accidentally turned down the wrong street and was moving suspiciously because they were lost). In that moment, his nightmares and what had happened to Marie hit him full force and overwhelmed him. He was terrified; not for himself, but for Aaron. The only way the other man would stay safe was if Jason left him. Having made that decision, he quickly grabbed the 'go bag' he kept in case they were found and stepped out of the house, making sure to do it in view of the 'suspicious' vehicle so they would follow him and leave Aaron alone.

Aaron had got over halfway to the store before remembering he'd taken out the majority of his cash and stashed it around the house, just in case they had to take an exit in a hurry. So, he came back to the house...just in time to see Jason leaving.

Quickly speeding up his steps to catch up with his lover, Aaron made sure Jason knew he was there before putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing gently. "I thought you'd let me know if you wanted to leave." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Jason spun around, pulling Aaron behind him protectively while furtively looking in the direction Aaron had come from, afraid assassins were about to kill his lover in his arms. He wasn't able to hide the fear in his own eyes and Aaron's words and unhappiness didn't immediately register.

"Hey." Aaron pressed lightly against his shoulder. "There's no threat. Nothing coming for us." His voice was calm, pitched to sound reassuring.

"That van... doesn't belong..." Jason whispered, his voice haunted. "Was trying to get away so they'd follow me. Leave you alone... safe..." His voice caught as he realized he'd failed and Aaron was likely in more danger now.

"It's a delivery van." Aaron rested his hand on Jason's shoulder. "It's not coming towards us. Or me. Look at the driver. He's alone. Not paying any attention to either of us. I think he took a wrong turn."

"A delivery van..." Jason said, in a lost voice, before he squinted, looking and noting that Aaron was right. He slumped in relief. "You're safe..." he whispered. It was fairly clear he'd been afraid for Aaron and had taken off in a misguided attempt to protect him.

"Let's go inside," Aaron said softly.

Jason didn't have it in him to argue. He was too relieved that Aaron was safe. He nodded briefly, shifting closer to his lover.

Aaron wrapped his arm around Jason and led him into the house.

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to leave..." he whispered, finally addressing Aaron's first comment. "I had to... to protect you."

"But you didn't have to," Aaron pointed out. "I'm trained as well. You know that. First time we met, we were fighting alongside each other. You don't need to leave me to protect me, Jason. We fight together to protect each other."

"I couldn't... I can't..." Jason gave Aaron a helpless look. "My nightmares have been so vivid lately... the last time they were that vivid, Marie..." He swallowed hard, choking back sudden tears. "I couldn't face that again. I couldn't even think about... I'm sorry... I just love you so much and... I couldn't think straight...."

Aaron sighed and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Jason and hugging him tightly. "I know," he whispered. "I understand. But you should have talked to me about the nightmares. Not let it get to this point."

"I didn't want to worry you..." Jason admitted, in a small voice. "And then I saw the van and panicked and... I'm sorry...."

Aaron held him for a few moments longer and then guided Jason up the stairs and towards their bedroom, arm wrapped around his lover's waist.

Jason leaned against Aaron. Now that the adrenaline and worry had faded, he was able to see what he'd done more clearly. "I really messed up. I'm so sorry... very, very sorry...."

"I know." Aaron gently turned Jason to face him. "I know you got scared and worried. I know why. We're still going to deal with it, but I understand." He placed his hand against Jason's cheek and rubbed it gently.

"We'll deal with it... cuz I'm yours and can't leave you like I just tried..." Jason whispered. It was said like a question, but he knew the answer. It was more like a statement.

"Exactly right," Aaron said. He held Jason close for a few more moments and then guided his lover over towards the bed. Sitting down on it, he gently guided the other man across his lap.

Jason pressed close as possible then quietly went where Aaron led. When Aaron directed him over his lap, he willingly went. He felt guilty for trying to run, now. Even if Aaron understood, he knew he'd hurt the other man. He'd seen the unhappiness in his eyes before he'd explained himself. "I'm sorry I hurt you..." he said, in his own hurt tone. Knowing he'd hurt his lover hurt him.

Aaron gently rubbed his back, speaking in a low voice. "I know you didn't mean to. And I forgive you. I still love you. Nothing has changed between us," he promised.

"Promise? Nothing changed and you still want me? Still want to be in charge of me?" He couldn't keep the slight nervousness out of his voice. He needed Aaron in charge of him. Of course, running without talking to his mate first had really flown in the face of that need. Had been disrespectful to their relationship and situation. He wouldn't blame Aaron if he had changed his mind.

"I still want you," Aaron confirmed. "I still want to be in charge of you. I love you. Nothing could ever change that. Nothing could ever make me stop," he promised, rubbing Jason's back for a few moments before tugging his pants and underwear down.

"I love you too... so much. Need you in charge. Need... need you to correct me when I'm wrong and mess up..." he said quietly, admitting that he needed Aaron to punish him for what he'd done.

"I know." Aaron rubbed his back for a few moments before lifting his hand and bringing it down in the first hard smack that he then repeated. "I won't ever let go of you," he promised. "I'll hold on. You're mine and I won't throw that away."

Jason let out a tiny grunt at the swat, putting his hands behind his back so Aaron could hold him in place. They both knew this wasn't about pain; Jason had such a high pain threshold, that the only way pain would be effective was if Aaron did damage. This was about trust and obedience. Jason trusting Aaron to protect and care for him and obeying and submitting to whatever Aaron decided was necessary, no matter how unsettling or scary.

It wasn't easy. Part of Jason was always fighting to keep that control. He'd let himself listen to that part of himself and ended up trying to run, though. He hurt his lover. And had Aaron not returned home for a reason he hadn't yet explained, Jason would have been gone and on his way to being lost by now. He'd almost let his fear ruin everything because he tried to take back control. At that thought, tears sprung to his eyes and he slumped over Aaron's lap, giving up to his lover completely. He would accept whatever Aaron did, no matter what it was. Whatever it was, he hoped complete domination was involved. Something that not only made it clear he belonged to Aaron and couldn't make decisions to leave without talking to Aaron first, but made it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for him to make those major decisions without talking to Aaron first. That way, if his worry and fears drove him to trying to take back control... well, hopefully Aaron could stop him from doing anything they'd both regret later.

Aaron was fully aware of Jason's high pain threshold; but then, this wasn't about pain, but about training. He took Jason's hands in his own, squeezing them gently, smacking for one full circuit before he paused and gently began rubbing. Because Jason was used to pain, spanking couldn't even be a blip on his radar. But affection? Affection along with caring discipline? Aaron knew those were alien to his lover.

"I won't let you take yourself away from me," Aaron promised. "It will never be acceptable. You're mine. You belong to me and with me."

Jason had held still through the smacks. He couldn't help but begin squirming at the affection. He didn't deserve affection, but Aaron was giving it; he never really knew how to react to affection.

He did know how to respond to the words. "No, sir... not 'llowed to leave you. Not 'llowed to take m'self away." His voice was shaky and filled with tears; his eyes were streaming by this point. "If you h... hadn' come back early..." he choked out.

"I did come home early." Aaron's voice was low and reassuring. He delivered a second circuit of smacks and resumed rubbing, squeezing Jason's hands gently. "You didn't succeed in taking yourself away from me. And if you had? I would have found you. I would have tracked you down." Maybe he wouldn't have succeeded if Jason had wanted to leave...but he had no doubts he would have found his lover in any other instance.

"You'd have looked for me?" Jason's voice was hesitantly hopeful, still teary and hurt, but hopeful. He shifted as Aaron rubbed and squeezed. He still felt like he didn't deserve affection, but it was up to Aaron.

"I would always look for you," Aaron promised. "I love you. I won't let you go so easily." He rubbed a bit longer and then resumed the smacks, once again only swatting for one full circuit before he paused again to rub.

"Love you too... so much... can't lose you... got scared..." he admitted, in a broken voice, his grip on Aaron's hands tightening.

"I know," Aaron soothed. Coming to a quick decision, he stripped Jason of all his clothes, making his lover vulnerable to him. Still holding Jason's hands, he rubbed and stroked and squeezed with his other hand.

Jason quivered as he was made vulnerable and given even more affection. "You're being gentle..." he said, with a hint of confused uncertainty. Even if pain didn't faze him much, he would have thought causing him pain might let Aaron feel that he was punishing him for his actions.

"You need it," Aaron replied. "You deserve gentle. I know you've had very little of that in your past." He rubbed gently down Jason's back, pressing a bit more firmly whenever he encountered muscles that were more tense.

"You aren't angry at me?" Jason whimpered, slumping further at the 'massage'.

"No. I understand. I'm not angry with you. I love you. You're mine." Aaron spoke with more than a hint of possessiveness in his tone. "This isn't about causing you pain. It's about teaching you the right things to do; the right way to act."

"I need to learn..." Jason swallowed and sniffled.  "Don't want to do something I don't need to cuz of panic."

"I'll help you," Aaron promised. "No matter what happens. We'll work on it together. And we'll do it with me taking full and complete control of you, so that you can't do anything without my permission or say-so."

"Complete control?" Jason asked uncertainly, not sure what complete control meant.

"Relying on me for everything," Aaron said. "You don't make any decisions, save for the one to do this. We'll go back to the beginning. Work and train you until coming to me, turning to me, becomes instinctual."

"You decide everything? If I decide to submit this way?" Jason asked quietly. "If it will help, I agree...."

"I think it will help stop a repeat of today," Aaron said gently.

Jason swallowed. "I don't want a repeat... I'll do it! I'll give you complete control."

"Good...good boy. My good boy." Aaron settled Jason onto his lap, in his arms, hugging him tightly and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "I came back early because I realized I left the cash stashed here. But I'm not going to head back out. I'm going to order online." He stroked his hands over Jason's hips as he spoke; squeezed gently.

Jason wrapped his arms tightly around Aaron and let himself snuggle. "Thank you... don't... don't wanna be away from you right now," he admitted, enabling Aaron to see how scared he still was at possibly losing the man he viewed as his husband.

"I won't be away from you or let you be away from me," Aaron promised, hugging Jason a bit tighter. "I love you."

"I love you too... so much!" Jason had thought he'd be okay, but at the end of his declaration, he began crying. Hard.

He'd never really grieved Marie or Nikki. Avenged them, sure. Dreamed and thought about them- constantly. But by the time he'd actually been safe enough to slow down and grieve, he'd felt like he didn't really have a right to. It was his fault they were dead.

But today, he'd done what he'd thought was necessary to keep Aaron alive and he'd still almost lost the man he loved. He hadn't because of chance and Aaron's quick actions, but he almost had. It was impossible to push the feelings of hopeless loss back down, even if he hadn't lost this time. And Aaron had just told him he was in charge of him for everything, so this time, he didn't try. He just allowed himself to grieve, crying hard enough that only Aaron's tight grip kept him from falling.

Aaron hugged Jason tightly, stroking his lover's hair and down his back. He murmured soft, loving, reassuring words to the other man; some in English, but others in different languages they both knew. He rocked Jason, cuddled him close and protectively, and held him as he grieved.

By the time Jason finally calmed, his head, throat and stomach ached and he was hot, lying limp in Aaron's arms. He nuzzled weakly at the juncture of Aaron's shoulder and neck, trusting the other man had him. Content to give Aaron the complete control he'd asked for.

Still holding Jason tightly, Aaron reached over to the mini-fridge and opened it, taking out a bottle of water. He opened it and held it to his lover's lips, stroking the back of Jason's head and neck.

Jason slowly drank from the bottle, continuing to lean heavily on Aaron, completely giving himself over to his mate.

"Good," Aaron whispered. "My good boy." He held the bottle until the water was finished and then moved back, settling them both on the bed, beginning to rub and stroke his hands over Jason's hair, shoulders and back. There was nothing sexual or demanding in the touches. Part of this training was getting his lover used to being touched. Held. Given affection instead of pain.

Jason stiffened minutely at the change in position, but slumped in Aaron's arms nearly immediately after. He snuggled close, his ear to Aaron's chest. He liked being called Aaron's good boy a lot. It never stopped amazing him how good it felt when the other man did so and he found himself trying to submit more just to hear the praise.

"Good boy. My good boy." Aaron continued to whisper the words to Jason, as his lover submitted to the touch. He noticed that Jason liked the praise and made sure to keep repeating it, even as he continued to stroke and rub. Held Jason in his arms and just cuddled. "I love you so much." He brushed a kiss against Jason's hair.

"Love you too..." Jason whispered, needing to say the words, even though his voice was wrecked.

Aaron placed two fingers against Jason's lips, stroking them gently. "No talking," he murmured. "Not unless you need to tell me if you're hungry, or thirsty, or need to use the toilet. I don't want you straining your voice anymore."

Jason swallowed and kissed Aaron's fingers, before nodding. At the moment, he didn't need anything but to be held.

Aaron gently kissed each of his ears and then the side of his neck. He slid his hands down Jason's back, exploring and touching his body just like he had the first time, when their bond had formed during their long journey.

Jason sniffled softly and snuggled as close as possible, pushing into Aaron's touches. He belonged to the other man and wanted to give whatever asked.

"You're my world," Aaron murmured into Jason's ear. "I love you. So very much so. Eventually, I want us to have a proper ceremony." He raised his lover's hand to his lips; pressed a kiss to the ring finger. "But as far as I'm concerned? There's no one else for me. Not anymore. Only you."

Jason wanted to respond, but he'd been given very specific orders. Taking a chance that Aaron had learned at least a little sign language, he formed the words with his hands. "I am only yours, completely and forever." He pressed as close as he could.

Aaron grinned at that and kissed him, gently and lingeringly. "Same with me, you know? It might not be in the same way, but I belong to you as much as you belong to me."

Jason smiled at that, kissing back. It was easier giving himself to Aaron, knowing that Aaron belonged to him just as strongly; even if it was different.

Aaron rolled them over, gently holding Jason against the bed under him. Squeezing his lover's hips reassuringly, he opened one of the drawers and took out a bottle of oil. Pouring some into his hands, he rubbed them together to warm it and then began to massage his lover's back.

Jason shivered and let out a tiny sigh as Aaron began to massage. The tension from his crying jag seeped out of him and soon, he was loose and languid under his lover’s hands.

"Good boy." Aaron murmured the words into Jason's ear, kissing the lobe gently. "You're being so good for me."

Jason let out a very tiny whimper at the kiss and the words, keeping it low and soft so that it wouldn't hurt his voice. He was trying very hard to obey Aaron and not use his voice.

Aaron glided his hands over Jason's back, pressing and massaging firmly whenever he encountered knots of tension. "I won't ever let you go. I won't ever let you leave me. Or be taken from me."

Jason shivered and nodded, letting out a tiny sigh of recognition. He was counting on Aaron not letting him go in any way shape or form. He didn't know how long Aaron massaged, caressed or continued the affection. At some point, he fell asleep.

***

It was at least an hour later when Jason finally awoke again; the stress of the morning and his break down had worn him out. There were certain needs he couldn't ignore, though and one of those woke him up. Squirming in place, he almost got up to go to the bathroom, as he normally would, before remembering. Aaron was in charge. Swallowing, he looked toward his lover. "Gotta go to the bathroom..." he whispered, trying to obey and keep his talking to a minimum as well.

Aaron hadn't slept, holding his lover and keeping watch over him while Jason slept. When his lover spoke the words, he smiled and pressed a kiss to Jason's head. "Good boy," he murmured, before standing them both up and leading Jason through to the bathroom.

Jason smiled bashfully, looking at the ground at the praise, following Aaron into the bathroom. Biting his lip, he looked at Aaron curiously, wondering if he'd be given privacy or not. This was an element of dominance that Aaron had not exhibited before; but it helped Jason feel safe, somehow.

"Go ahead." Aaron nodded to the toilet, leaning casually against the wall, not intending to leave or look away.

Blushing faintly, Jason took care of business, not hiding from Aaron. It didn't really bother him; after some of the intimacies they'd shared, it wasn't that bad, but cleaning himself after wasn't something he'd ever expected to be watched doing.

Aaron waited until Jason was done, then stretched his hand out towards his lover, planning to lead him back into the bedroom.

Jason hesitated. "May I wash my hands first?" he asked hesitantly. He didn't think Aaron would refuse a request like that, but he still felt the need to ask.

"Yes." Aaron still held his hand out, though, expecting Jason to take it as soon as he'd washed his hands.

Jason quickly washed and dried his hands, then reached out and took Aaron's hand, letting himself be pulled closer and led.

Aaron led his lover back through to the bedroom, sliding his arms around Jason's waist and kissing him deeply.

Jason hummed appreciatively, opening up for the kiss and wrapping his arms around Aaron in a needy hug.

"I've got you." Aaron whispered the words against Jason's lips. "For good. You're mine." He wrapped his arms more firmly around Jason's waist.

"For always..." Jason whispered back, pressing closer so that his entire body was flush against Aaron's.

Aaron led Jason back over to the bed and settled down with his lover.

***

They'd cuddled on the bed until lunch time and then Aaron led Jason into the kitchen. He began to cook, making sure Jason was close enough to touch and stroke; to kiss and caress.

Jason sat where he'd been put, kissing back and hugging when able, but otherwise staying put where Aaron placed. him.

When he finished preparing the food, Aaron joined his lover, settling Jason on his lap and wrapping his arms around his lover's waist before he began to feed the other man.

Jason snuggled back against Aaron and ate what he was fed. It wasn't as difficult as he'd thought it would be, giving Aaron complete control over him. At least, it wasn't difficult at the moment.

Aaron continued to feed his lover, stealing kisses between mouthfuls. He also made sure to feed himself as well, knowing he needed to take care of himself too.

Jason ate steadily, kissing back whenever Aaron kissed. He could taste their lunch on his lover's lips and couldn't help sighing softly.

When they'd finished eating, Aaron just cuddled Jason on his lap, stroking his lover's bare skin. He squeezed down along Jason's thighs and kissed his neck.

Jason, groaned softly at the attention to his body. It only took a little rubbing and squeezing before he was visibly aroused, but as he was still obeying Aaron, he did nothing about it; not even hiding it.

Noticing the arousal, Aaron let his fingers move over Jason's member. He gently stroked it, even as he kissed the side of Jason's neck, turning his lover's face towards him to trail kisses along his jawline.

Jason let out a happy little whimper as his member was handled, pressing back into Aaron to feel closer and moving his head as directed so Aaron could kiss or touch however he wanted.

"Mine," Aaron whispered into Jason's neck, beginning to handle and manipulate his lover's member in a firm, sure grip.

"Yours!" Jason responded in a shaky voice, his member beginning to leak pre-cum as it grew and hardened for his master. It was almost overwhelming, the feeling of right... the feeling of absolute perfection... giving Aaron complete control over his body, knowing the other man could do whatever he wanted to him and he would take it.

Aaron continued to stroke and manipulate Jason's member, whispering words of possessive love to the other man as he did so.

"B'long to you... all of me b'longs to you..." Jason whimpered softly in submission.

"All of you belongs to me," Aaron whispered, stroking his lover's member with firmer and more sure movements. "I want you to let go for me."

Whining softly, Jason responded, "...Yessir..." and then released immediately, his body shaking uncontrollably. He was grateful for Aaron's firm grip.

Aaron held Jason throughout his release, kissing the pulse point in his throat. "My good boy," he whispered in his lover's ear.

The helpless whine Jason gave at those words gave away how good it felt; both to be controlled by Aaron and to hear the praise for his obedience. He felt himself slipping slightly, leaning more heavily into Aaron.

"I've got you," Aaron murmured. He retrieved a cloth to carefully and gently start cleaning up his lover.

Jason whimpered softly again at feeling the cloth gently cleaning him. His member twitched, but didn't rise. He nuzzled against Aaron. He didn't know if his lover would take his own release in him or not. He hoped so. But he'd been told to not talk (even if he’d messed up already with that a couple of times), so he didn't say anything; he just tried through his body language to let Aaron know he was ready and willing to submit his body fully if Aaron wanted it.

"This is about you, my love," Aaron murmured, stroking the side of his face. "Giving you pleasure, where I know you've had too much pain. Training your body to respond and react in the right way to me. I will take you, but I'm in no hurry."

Jason looked into Aaron's face, wide-eyed, then nodded mutely to show he understood. He nuzzled again, snuggling as much as he was able, facing the way he was.

Aaron cuddled Jason a bit more and then he stood them both up. He cleaned up from their lunch and then guided his lover through to the main room, settling them on the couch in front of the TV, planning to spend the next few hours just cuddling and training Jason to accept affection.

The End