The Biggest Need

Summary: When Cade goes to talk to Fidick, he decides to address the child's behaviour in the hopes that he might be able to change things. After all, they're likely to all die the next day, so what does he have to lose?
Warning(s): Spanking of an eleven-year-old; spoilers for the whole of The Malevolent Seven; references to violence and character death; AU
Author's Note: By the end of the book, I felt that Fidick was a brat...but he was also clearly a kid who'd been used and manipulated as well. Cade's not a 'good' guy, but this is how the scene between them could have gone...and maybe if it did, things would have ultimately turned out much different at the end

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Fidick was far too sure of himself. He was far too convinced that he was right, that he was following the right path, all because of the Auroral Voice in his head. He'd been listening to it for far too long. I knew how it felt, believe me. And perhaps you'd say that Fidick is a child compared to me, an adult, who was taken in by the Auroral Voice and took far too long to realise that it was all a con. So maybe I should give him a bit of a break, right?

Except that he hadn't hesitated to manipulate me and the rest of them to get to this point. He'd sentenced Galass to a short life that would end in insanity and early death.

And he'd killed the fucking jackal.

I've told you already, I'm not a good guy. In fact, I'm the complete opposite of a good guy. Despite the plans we'd made for tomorrow, it wasn't going to change anything. My soul wasn't going to magically be redeemed. I wouldn't start listening to the Auroral Voice again. By now, I knew far better.

But what was stopping me from walking away from this boy right now?

I probably saw too much of myself in him, that was the problem. I don't mean the me that was initially a Glorian; who'd been recruited as a young, naive man who thought his most important job was to follow the Lords Celestine. I'm talking about the me who exists now; who knows that between the demons and the Lords Celestine, there's very little to choose from between them.

In other words, even though I knew I should just walk out and leave Fidick, that there was no point in even making an effort to get through to him, I couldn't make myself move away from him.

"Fuck it," I muttered, before turning to him. "This isn't for you," I said bluntly. "Galass already asked me to make sure you survive this. She can't see you for your real nature, for how damaged you are from everything that was done to you."

He looked up at me with wide, guileless eyes and asked, "Do you think you're going to try and save my soul?"

I snorted softly. "The soul is massively overrated. Didn't you already know that? But while I don't owe you anything, I owe Galass something." And I knew that she could never bring herself to believe that Fidick had deliberately set all this in motion. Even if he wasn't working alone and was under the influence of both sides of this war, he was hardly innocent in all of this.

"You already said that you'll do your best to keep her alive. And to make sure I die." Fidick's voice was calm. Almost conversational. He certainly didn't sound worried about what I'd said to him.

It irritated me, to be honest. More than that, it frustrated me. This boy had pretended to be an innocent. He'd used and manipulated me, which didn't really bother me. After all, I'd been used and manipulated before, by both demons and the Lords Celestine. But it really pissed me off that he'd used and manipulated Galass into protecting him. Even now, she still couldn't see the truth. She still wanted to see Fidick as the innocent child she'd protected and taken care of.

I knew what I could do and what some people would probably say I should do. That I should rip the mask away and allow Galass to see the truth. I should just walk away and do everything in my power to save Galass and make sure Fidick died. Galass would hate me if she ever found out, but that was okay. I was used to it.

But there was a tiny part of me that wondered. That said what if? What if he had another choice? What if someone showed him a different way; a different path? Maybe it wouldn't change a single thing...but what if it did? What if I could change something, like I'd been changed?

I swore under my breath. I knew I should just walk away. It might not be the right thing to do, but it was definitely the most sensible thing to do.

Then again, if I was only worried about taking the sensible route, I wouldn't be here at all. If there was one thing my life up until now had proved, it was that I'd never take the sensible, the easy path. You can think I'm a fool all you like. You wouldn't be saying anything I hadn't already thought of myself.

But I had to believe there was a chance.

I turned to Fidick, who was standing so close to me. He was just too confident, too assured in what he was doing and what he believed in. He was too much like me...and thinking back on all that I'd experienced, I realised that I could have done with someone taking the time to step in with me.

He looked up at me, not saying anything, when I reached for his arm. I gripped it tight to begin with, before I felt just how fragile he really was and forced myself to loosen my hold just a fraction. He looked at my hand on his arm, then up into my eyes. His own wide and guileless, he asked, "What are you going to do, Cade?"

"I'm going to do something I'm sure you've needed for a long time. And maybe if someone had cared enough to do this to you before, you wouldn't have become the manipulative brat who uses the people who try to love him." I took a quick look around the room and then headed towards the small sleeping mat, tugging Fidick along behind me.

"Cade." There was a note of alarm in Fidick's voice as he asked, "What are you going to do?"

Whatever else the boy had expected, it wasn't this. I sat down on the sleeping mat and I deposited Fidick across my lap. Then, I began to tan his backside.

Fidick sqeauked and then yelped. He threw his hand back to cover his bottom, but I just moved it out of the way and resumed the spanking. I was careful not to use too much force. He might be a manipulative little brat, and also a sublime, but I still didn't want to break him.

"Do you really think you're doing the right thing?" I asked, when I was sure I had his attention. "Do you think the demons and the Lords Celestine have your best interests at heart? That they have any of our best interests at heart?" I squeezed the hand I held, even as I continued speaking. "They're using you as much as they're using the rest of us here. And once they're done, once they've used up every little bit of you they can, they'll discard you. The only reason I'm here is because of their machinations to get me here. But I didn't hurt someone who was innocent to get here."

"Just because you didn't hurt someone doesn't mean you didn't stand by and just let innocents be hurt!" Fidick was wriggling, squirming like a worm stuck on a hook. "You're not an innocent person in all of this, Cade!" His voice hitched.

I could hear the sound of tears and I paused the spanking to continue speaking. "I never claimed to be innocent. I've done things that I regret. I've done things that have hurt other people. That means I'm speaking from experience, Fidick. I know what it's like to regret your actions. And I promise you that if you continue doing this, you'll have at least as many regrets as I do. Maybe not now, but I guarantee that further down the line, when you're older, you'll remember. And you'll wish you'd listened to me."

"This isn't going to change anything!" Fidick's breath hitched again and a quiet sob escaped his lips.

Hearing the tears, I stopped spanking and lifted the boy into my arms, holding him on my lap. I wasn't really used to giving comfort (or receiving it, for that matter), but I still wrapped my arms around him and held on...half-expecting to be pushed away and cursed out for my troubles.

Fidick stiffened slightly, but he didn't pull away from me. He slowly relaxed in my arms, resting his head against my shoulder, and sniffled sadly.

I stroked his hair and held him close, trying not to think about everything that he'd done. No matter how much pain he'd caused to those who didn't deserve it...he was still a child. And he needed comfort, not censure or blame. Still, I figured he might be more likely to listen to me in this more emotional state, and I spoke in a soft voice. "Whatever the demons and the Lords Celestine want from you, it isn't good. All they care about is this war they're expecting to start between them."

Fidick didn't pull away, but he did shake his head against my shoulder. "No."

His voice was weak enough that I thought I stood a good chance of actually getting through to him. I continued to stroke his hair, even as I said softly, "I'm not going to pretend to understand everything you went through. I know it's been a lot...most of it bad. But what you're doing isn't going to make things any better. It's not going to make you feel any better. It's not going to give you what you really want."

"You don't even know what I really want...!" he protested.

"Don't I? I'm going to guess you've never had comfort or safety, aside from when you were with Galass. Everyone around you has done nothing but use you. They look at you for what you can do for them. Not what's best for you." I paused, waiting for Fidick to respond. When he didn't, I asked softly, "How close to the mark am I?"

"Do you really think you can change it?" He pulled back enough to look into my eyes, but noticeably made no attempt to pull out of my arms. "What are you trying to offer me? A family? A home?" He swallowed and, despite obviously trying to sound like he didn't care at all, his voice shook a little as he asked, "A dad?"

Was that was I was offering him? I'd never thought about being a father before. My life had never allowed that to be anything like a goal, even if I'd dared to dream of the possibility a long time ago. And I certainly had never expected to become a father to an emotionally damaged, manipulative eleven year old boy who had to be trained out of a multitude of bad habits.

But I couldn't ignore the hopeful look in Fidick's eyes. And if I was offering him something different to the demons and the Lords Celestine, something they could never offer him, maybe there was a chance things wouldn't go so horribly wrong during the battle. "I'll make a deal with you," I said out loud. "If we survive this coming battle, I'll adopt you. Hell, I'll adopt Galass too. I'll be your dad."

Fidick's eyes widened and then filled with tears. Without a word, he threw his arms around my neck and hugged on tight.

As I hugged my new son back in return, I couldn't help wondering if I really knew what I was getting into by making this kind of commitment.

The End