Tantrum

Summary: Follows Family Time. A difficult mission leaves Bucky floundering.
Pairing: Sam Wilson/Bucky Barnes
Warning(s): D/s; M/m; therapeutic/slightly punishment spanking of an adult; fluffiness; AU

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Bucky looked out the window of the plane. He'd been silent for most of the trip back, not feeling up to carrying on a conversation. He was tired, but more than that, he was spiraling. He knew he was spiraling. But he didn't want to talk about it. Wanted to forget what he'd seen that had set him down that particular road, and he didn't want to depress or upset Sam either. So... he stayed quiet.

Sam had noticed that Bucky was quiet. It wasn't exactly unusual...but at the same time, this level of quiet, even after a mission, was unusual for the other man.

Moving next to Bucky, Sam rested a hand on Bucky's arm and squeezed gently. "How are you feeling?" He kept his voice gentle and light, trying to encourage the other man to talk to him.

Bucky grunted softly. "Tired. Was a long mission..." he said. It was honest, if not the full truth. He tried not to say too much, though. The irritation that suddenly overcame him at Sam's touch and question surprised him, and he didn't want to take his bad attitude out on his lover. Sam didn't deserve that.

"Yeah," Sam said sympathetically. "We'll be home soon, though. Get somethng to eat and drink. I'm pretty sure there are still some cookies left from last night...."

"You didn't eat them all?" Bucky forced a smile and teased gently.

"Nah. There are at least three left, by my reckoning," Sam said.

Bucky's eyes widened and he glanced at the bag the cookies had been stored in. "Maybe I will have one..." he said, reaching toward the bag to pull it closer to him. It only took a few moments of searching to pull out the storage bag that held them. He quickly retrieved one of the cookies and bit into it, holding the bag toward Sam in offereing.

"Keep them." Sam smiled wryly. "I think you're more in need of them than me right now."

Swallowing the bite in his mouth, Bucky grinned crookedly. "Not gonna turn down that offer..." He shrugged, taking another bite and leaning back into the plane seat contentedly. The cookies hadn't completely got rid of the bad mood he was in, but they were at least helping with the hunger and calming him down enough he didn't fear biting the stewardess's head off for asking if he'd like a hot towel for the fifth time in an hour.

Sam settled in close to Bucky, letting his leg press against the other man's. "We could order takeout when we get back, so neither of us have to worry about cooking."

Bucky tensed slightly, but kept from pulling away from Sam, even though his skin felt itchy at the closeness. He loved Sam and normally, being close calmed him down. Soothed him. It was distressing that it wasn't helping this time. "Yeah... Sounds like a good idea," he responded belatedly.

"What's wrong?" Bucky hadn't outright pulled away from his touch, but Sam could feel the way the other man had tensed up. His voice was filled with concern that was echoed in his face when he looked at Bucky.

Bucky sighed. Should have known Sam would pick up on his uncharacteristic aloofness. "I... I don't know..." he finally said, in a soft drawl. "Just feel off. Need to get home, I guess...." He avoided mentioning why he felt off. Hoped Sam would accept the half answer, instead of demanding all the answer.

"Did something happen on the mission?" Instead of dropping it, Sam pushed...as gently as possible, but still pushing.

"Nothing that doesn't usually happen..." Bucky denied. Again, the truth. Nothing had happened. Just because he glanced in an open doorway for a second as he was going after a bad guy and ended up having a flashback didn't mean anything had happened. And the flashback hadn't hindered him doing the job he needed to do, so there was no real problem or need to bring it up. Just because it had left him feeling agitated didn't mean anything.

"Okay, but what 'usually happens' can be a lot." Sam grasped Bucky's hand and squeezed gently. "Something's bothering you. What is it?" he prompted.

"It's nothing... Really!" Bucky winced as his tone came out a lot more acerbic than he'd intended or wanted. Taking a slow breath and closing his eyes, he added on, a bit more calmly, "I just need a nap... Wake me up when we land?" Maybe if he gave Sam something else to 'help' him with, he wouldn't worry. Maybe.

"Okay." Sam still held onto Bucky's hand, and he squeezed it gently. "You get some sleep. I'll wake you up when it's time," he promised.

"Thanks..." Bucky smiled, before leaning back and closing his eyes. He was soon asleep.

*****

The rest of their trip home hadn't been very eventful. Bucky's mood hadn't improved with the nap, though. He still felt unreasonably agitated, and Sam was obviously worried. And Bucky was taking his bad mood out on Sam. He could tell that he was. Every question was answered with a sharp and generally snide or sarcastic response. He cringed each time he did it, hated himself for doing it, but couldn't keep control over himself enough to stop. Sam didn't deserve his attitude, but he didn't respond in kind. He remained calm and considerate, despite Bucky's tongue getting the best of him.

They had just finished dinner and the kids were clamoring for something to do while Sarah supervised cleanup. Bucky was irritably washing dishes.

Sam hadn't failed to notice that Bucky was getting more and more agitated as the day had gone on. Everything that normally calmed and settled his lover was having the opposite effect. He placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder and squeezed gently. "Why don't you take a break?" he suggested. "Go and sit down in the main room for a bit? I'll finish cleanup here. Then maybe we can talk about what's really bothering you."

Bucky clenched his hand, breaking the glass he held, as he turned frustrated eyes on Sam. "For the last damned time, I'm fine! You don't have to fucken fix me!" he shouted, not hearing the exaggerated twin gasps of the kids as he'd completely lost his cool. "Stop sticking yer nose in where it ain't needed!"

"Uncle Bucky said a bad word, mamma. Does he get his mouth washed with soap?" the youngest stage whispered.

"Shush, baby!" Sarah motioned the kids out of the kitchen after shooting a 'look' at Sam.  "Let's go to a movie. I think that new Minions movie might be out." Within seconds, they were gone, and the only ones in the house were Sam and Bucky.

Bucky already regretted his outburst, but focused on his now bleeding hand as he carefully threw the broken glass into the trash. "Fucking hell..." he growled softly, angry at himself.

Sam hadn't reacted to Bucky's outburst. He hadn't been expecting it, but that didn't mean it surprised him. Bucky had been holding the glass in his flesh hand when he'd broken it, and Sam could see some splinters of glass in Bucky's skin. He quickly went to retrieve his first aid kit. "You're going to need to let me take a look."

"I can clean it out..." Bucky grumbled, still obviously in a foul mood, but more subdued.

"I'm not asking, Bucky." Sam's voice was serious, edging towards stern.

Bucky blinked and looked up at Sam, too startled at the tone to say something immediately. But then his attitude took over again, and despite knowing it would be better to give in to Sam, he mulishly argued. "I'm not a child. I can take care of it myself!"

Sam frowned and moved over to Bucky's side. He couldn't have said why he did it, but Bucky had been acting like a child...or maybe a surly teenager...since they'd finished their mission, despite him claiming that he wasn't a child. Sam wouldn't have swatted either of his nephews, but he did swat Bucky, using his grip on the other man's arm to turn him slightly to one side. "I'm not going to argue with you," he said sternly.

Bucky yelped at the swat, turning wide, surprised eyes onto Sam. "You... You..." He couldn't get the words out, temporarily speechless at the fact Sam had spanked him. It was obvious he wasn't sure how to react. It was also obvious that the swat had calmed his temper very slightly, though he wasn't his normal level of calm by a longshot.

"I swatted you," Sam said. "You've had an attitude since we finished the mission. To be honest, I'm half-tempted to put you over my knee for a proper spanking as soon as I've treated those cuts on your hand." He wasn't angry or upset, but his voice still carried that stern edge to it.

Bucky audibly gulped at the words and flushed dark before forcing himself to respond, "You wouldn't dare...." He didn't sound certain of that. Also, he calmed just a slight bit more at Sam's sternness. He hoped Sam couldn't hear that fact, or that would convince his mate a spanking was definitely needed.

"Now that's where you're wrong." Sam hadn't failed to notice the way Bucky had responded to him...and he was starting to think that a spanking would actually benefit his lover. Before he did that, though, he needed to get the glass out of Bucky's hand, and he reached for it, intending to do just that.

Bucky almost pulled his hand away, but then he saw how badly cut he actually was and decided fighting Sam's help was stupid. He let his hand be taken without further argument.

Picking up a pair of tweezers, Sam began to carefully remove the shards of glass from Bucky's hand. Once he'd removed the glass, he then began to carefully treat the cuts that had been left in the other man's skin. Yes, Bucky healed fast...but Sam didn't want to risk the cuts healing wrong if he left them untreated.

Bucky held still. He was still agitated, but slightly less so. He'd calmed enough to remember his manners. "Thank you..." he said, in a soft voice.

Sam finished treating the last of the cuts and put the first aid kit away. Then, he turned to look at Bucky and took the other man's upper arm. "I think it's time I deal with your attitude now."

"You don't hafta .." Bucky whined. And didn't pull away. Sam taking his arm and being so 'firm' was calming him further, to the point he didn't have it in himself to be obstinate or nasty. He was regretting he'd been so before, if he were honest with himself.

"Your behaviour and attitude, especially now, makes me think that maybe I do. That maybe it's needed." Sam had reached the sofa by this point. He sat down and guided Bucky into position across his lap, securing him with an arm wrapped around his waist.

"I... I should really be fighting this..." Bucky muttered, before attempting half-heartedly to get up. "Sorry I had an attitude. And cussed. I'll apologize to Sarah when she gets back...." He tried to stand.

Sam gently pushed down on Bucky's back. "I'm glad you apologised, but I think you need this," he said seriously. "I noticed it took the edge off, when I swatted you in the kitchen and threatened you with a spanking." He rubbed Bucky's back gently for a few moments, then eased his pants down.

Bucky whined louder, not caring that it made him seem childish. "No... You saw wrong. I don't need it!" Some of the agitation shifted to the surface and his attempts to free himself increased, though still weren't enough to break free. He was too afraid of hurting Sam with his enhanced strength to actually fight him.

"I've got you, Buck." Sam didn't try to argue with his lover, or point out the reasons why he thought Bucky would benefit from this. Instead, he rubbed Bucky's backside for a few moments before he lifted his hand and delivered the first firm smack that he then repeated.

At Sam's words, Bucky stopped struggling, even though he tensed up and couldn't stop both yelps at Sam's firm smacks. "You got me..." he whispered, and then began to repeat like a mantra, obviously trying to chase off some 'demons' with the knowledge Sam would protect him, even from himself.

"I've got you," Sam repeated. "I'm not going to let you go. I love you. I'm here." He continued to swat firmly, covering every inch of Bucky's bottom from the crest to mid-thigh, before starting over from the top again.

"I.. I love you too..." Bucky gasped, tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry I was a bastard to you. You didn't deserve it...."

"What happened on the mission?" Sam kept his voice gentle, serving as a counterpoint to the firm smacks he was continuing to deliver. He completed the second circuit and began a third, going a fraction harder and faster.

Bucky didn't even think to refuse talking. By this point, his bottom stung to the point of hurting, and Sam was fully in control. He was incapable of refusing his Dom's question. "When I was hunting down the last of the scientists we needed to capture. Found a... A room. There were beds full of kids... Teens... Obvious experiments... I don't know if they were alive or not... It was... It reminded me... I just left them there!" he choked out, in obvious guilt. It didn't matter that the organization they were helping would go in behind them and would rescue survivors. It didn't matter they had been on a timeline with potential disaster occurring if he slowed down. He'd left them behind and been fighting his own memories of what he'd gone through ever since, fear and guilt vying for top position.

"Bucky." Sam paused the spanking, instead gently rubbing the other man's bottom. "I can understand how it feels. How you feel. But even if you couldn't stop and help them, because we were on a time-sensitive mission, there were other people who would give them aid. You knew that. If you didn't, I fully believe that you would have stopped to help them. If you didn't think there was anyone coming along behind, you wouldn't have left them there."

At Sam's understanding tone and words of encouragement, Bucky slumped and began to cry, hard. He didn't try to get up or do anything. He was where he needed to be, over Sam's knee, being given whatever Sam felt he deserved, being vulnerable and submissive.  "Y... You right. Need... Need this..." he admitted, between tears. "Th... They got help?" he asked, in a tiny voice. If Sam said it, it had to be true.

"They got help," Sam confirmed. "And we can call in later, or tomorrow, to check on their status, if you want. If that would help." He didn't move Bucky from over his lap, instead continuing the gentle rubbing.

Bucky shuddered, taking a shivery breath before whispering, "Okay." He stayed in place, the position and Sam's actions comforting. Soon, though, his guilt for how he'd been treating Sam became strong enough, he had to apologize again. "I really am sorry. Shouldn't... Should have... I wasn't very nice..." he finally said, unhappy with himself. "Shouldn't have spoken like that in front of the kids. Was disrespectful...."

"I know you're sorry," Sam replied. "I forgive you for acting out, Buck. But you should have told me what happened when I first asked, instead of let it all build up until you exploded. If something like this happens again, you need to tell me. Okay?"

"Yessir..." Bucky's voice was small and he hunched in on himself, feeling even more guilty. He should have talked to Sam. He knew that. Even if it was hard, he should have done it.

"Good," Sam praised softly. "I forgive you, Buck. I've got you," he reiterated.

"Don't deserve you... Too good for me..." Bucky mumbled despondently.

"That's not true," Sam disagreed. "You do deserve me. You deserve to be loved and taken care of."

"I'm messed up, Sammy... I get into my own head and don't... We were lucky I just got stroppy with you... What If I'd flashed back into the soldier? I..." Bucky choked. " If I hurt you, or Sarah, or the kids... Or worse?"

"I understand your worry, but I don't think you give yourself enough credit," Sam said gently. "You did get an attitude with me, but I handled it. I handled you."

Bucky sniffled and took a deep breath. "Y... Yeah. Like a naughty school boy..." He snorted out an amused huff. "It helped, though," he admitted softly.

"Yeah. I could see that just the threat was enough to calm you a little," Sam said quietly. "Figured this would help settle you the rest of the way." He gently patted Bucky's backside.

Bucky shifted slightly at the patting, but didn't try and get away. "Thank you... I... I wasn't gonna be able to calm down on my own."

"How are you feeling now?" Sam asked, wanting to make sure he could continue taking care of Bucky.

"Still a little anxious... But not as bad. I can control my temper and manners now..." Bucky said sheepishly.

"Do you need to get up?" Sam hoped that wording it that way, need, would encourage Bucky to be honest with him. Even so, he planned to pay attention to his lover's tone of voice and body language when he responded.

"I..." Bucky paused. It was almost immediate, the inclination to say he was fine now and Sam could let him up and stop worrying. But deep down, he wasn't fine. He knew it and he didn't want to lie. "I don't know. I'm better than I was, but... I think I need you to keep me in hand for a little longer, at least. Even if you don't spank..." he whispered.

"Thank you for being honest, Buck," Sam said, a note of pride in his voice. He made no attempt to stand Bucky up, instead continuing to gently rub the other man's bottom.

Bucky felt soothed at hearing Sam's pride in him. "I love you, man. Gotta be honest..." he said quietly, relaxing as Sam continued to rub.

"I love you too," Sam said softly. "And you can be honest with me about anything. Even if it's that you need me to do this again."

Bucky sniffled. "I... I know. If I need it, I'm prolly already past the point I can ask you for it... But I know."

"If I get the feeling you need it, do I have your permission to step in like I did today?" Sam asked outright.

"If it keeps me from being a complete ass to you and the rest of the family, you have my permission to step in, any time, even if I don't need it..." Bucky said fervently, obviously still feeling guilty for how he'd acted to Sam.

Sam gently rubbed Bucky's lower back and said, quietly, "I know you feel guilty about how you acted, but you don't need to feel guilty anymore. It's been dealt with," he promised.

"I... I know. I'll try. Just... You... Sarah and the kids... are the only bright spots in my life and I owe you so much..." Bucky sighed. Sam's gentle affection had finally eased the remainder of his anxiety. He was relaxed as he could be. "I feel like it's asking a lot. Too much really. But... Would you keep control? For tonight, at least?" he whispered.

"Of course," Sam replied gently. "And it isn't asking a lot, Buck. It's not even asking too much. I'm happy you trust me enough to tell me what you need." He could tell that Bucky was relaxed and carefully pulled his lover's clothing back into place. Then, he moved Bucky onto his lap instead of over it, hugging him close and tight.

Bucky wrapped his arms tightly around Sam and snuggled. "I do trust you. So much..." he said in a husky voice, before chastely kissing Sam.

Sam kissed him back, just as chastely. "I love you."

"I love you too..." Bucky smiled. "Sarah and the kids won't be back for another hour, prolly. Wanna cuddle in front of the TV?" he asked hopefully.

"That sounds like a really good idea," Sam agreed, positioning them so that they could easily watch the TV and cuddle.

Bucky settled against Sam, peaceful and content.

The End