Still A Good Man

Summary: When Harry falls asleep, his soul wanders from his body and he meets someone from his past, getting a bit of closure and an ally from another plane of existence
Warning(s): Spanking; major spoilers for the first two books in the Dresden Files series; minor spoilers for later books; references to violence and canon character death; AU

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I knew I was dreaming.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t always know that I’m dreaming. In fact, most of the time, I haven’t a clue. Just talk to my subconscious, if you don’t believe me. He’s a bit of a dick, though, so might not tell you much.

Anyway. I knew it was a dream. Actually, perhaps it’s more accurate to say that it was a memory. One of my early cases, long before the war between the White Council and the vampires. Long before I discovered the existence of my brother-who, by the way, was sleeping in the next room.

Phillip Denton, FBI agent turned hexenwolf, stood in front of me. Just as he had when he’d been alive, right before Karrin had shot him to save my life. Was my subconscious planning to make me experience my death at his hands if Karrin hadn’t been quick enough on the draw? There’d be no helpful reason for him to do so, but like I said. Dick.

“I’ve been looking for you, Dresden.”

My mouth fell open and I said, “Huh?” Not very eloquent, I know. But while I couldn’t remember every detail of this case I’d worked (give me a break, a hell of a lot has happened since then), I was reasonably certain that Denton had never been looking for me. In fact, his primary goal had been to do his level best to get me killed. And he’d damned near succeeded.

The FBI agent turned monstrous killer looked around, eyes darting every which way like he was a cornered animal. “It’s not safe to talk here.” He reached out and grasped my upper arm.

I jerked back, out of his grip. This wasn’t a dream, which meant that my soul, my spirit, whatever you want to call it…it wasn’t in my body. Which meant I couldn’t defend myself against anything that might be able to break through my wards.

“Dresden. Calm down. You’re not in any danger from me.”

I eyed Phillip Denton, remembering that glimpse I’d had into his soul. The good man who’d been jaded by the darkness he’d seen over the years. The good man who’d been corrupted by the darkness of the hexenwolf. I could still it, that image from his soul. It was forever seared inside my mind; would never fade with the passing of time. “Bullshit. I saw inside your soul. I saw what you kept hidden from the light of day. I know you. Yeah, you started out as a good man, but you killed people. Innocent people, who didn’t deserve to die.”

“I know.” Denton sighed and looked away. “Believe me, I know. I remember all those whose deaths I was responsible for. Perhaps it’s a cop-out to say that dying set me free, but it’s the truth.” He focused on me once more. “I wasn’t the one who brought you here, but I haven’t been idle while I’ve been here in this place. I’ve been making bargains. Collecting favours.”

That caught my attention and I frowned, focusing on the man I’d only known as a monster. “Do you know how dangerous that is? The creatures here would as soon as rip your arm off than keep their word. You can’t even trust the faerie,” I added. “If you make a deal with them, you’d better be prepared to word it right down to the letter. They’ll find and exploit any loophole they can.”

“The first deal I made ended with the deaths of not only me, but the rest of my team.” Denton’s voice was quiet. Sombre.  “I know you only met us after the belts had taken hold. I know you didn’t see it, but all of us used to be good people.”

I swallowed. Nodded slowly. Took a deep breath and cleared my throat. “I believe you. I know how easy it is to let power change you.” There was a line I’d come too close to crossing. Some people would say I’d gone over that line; that I was a rabid animal who should be put down. Some days, I find myself agreeing with them.

“If you believe me, there’s no reason not to come with me.”

I didn’t really have an argument for that. Denton was right. There was no reason not to go with him. Not if I was choosing to believe the man who currently stood in front of me was now the good man I’d got the glimpse of when I’d looked into his soul. Of course, we couldn’t look into each other’s souls here.

The sound of wolves howling in the distance decided me. I’ve mentioned my literal fairy godmother, right? The longer I stayed here, the more chance there was that she’d find me. So I nodded and voiced my agreement, all while wondering if I’d just made a huge mistake.

Denton grasped my upper arm and his eyes flashed white. I wasn’t given the chance to pull away, even if I was so inclined, before the world disappeared and reformed around us.

As modes of transportation went, it wasn’t the worst I’ve ever experienced. Disconcerting, yes. But it didn’t hurt and that was a plus.

Denton didn’t let go of me, even as the world and my equilibrium settled once more. I looked around, taking in that we were standing in an office. It didn’t look all that different to Murphy’s office back home. Of course, the familiar surroundings were probably comforting; something he was used to.

I looked around, long enough to assure myself it was empty here. That I hadn’t walked into a trap. Then I focused on Denton once more. “So what happens now? We make an official alliance? You want something from me? Give me something in return?”

“Not exactly, Dresden.” Denton’s hands shifted to my shoulders. Gripping them firmly, he spun me round. Shoved me against the wooden desk with enough force to knock the wind out of me. Pushed down on my back so that I was bent over, the hard edge of the desk digging into my stomach.

Before I could react, before I could push myself up, Denton’s hand slapped down with a dull thwap onto the seat of my pants.

The smack didn’t really hurt, but it did shock me. That’s the only reason I can give for why I froze in place for a few moments, allowing Denton to swat my entire backside down to mid-thigh, before I belatedly began to squirm. “I thought you were one of the good guys now!” I blurted, as he held me down easily and smacked me.

“I am, Dresden. If I wasn’t, I would be doing a hell of a lot more than tanning your ass.”

I tried to push up again, but Denton held me down easily and continued to smack. I gritted my teeth and tried not to make any sound, but that only lasted a few more moments. As Denton’s hand covered skin that had already received attention, I gasped and groaned. I could call my magic and make Denton stop, but…he was right. All he’d done was warm up my butt. Still, I couldn’t help bursting out, “Why are you doing this?!”

Denton paused and I felt his fingers hook in the waistband of my pants. I renewed my struggles and finally threw my hand back, gripping my pants. “Stop.” I tried to make it an order, but my voice was too shaky to be authoritative.

“Move your hand, Dresden.”

I swallowed hard. Unlike my own voice, Denton’s was firm and sure. It held a note of authority that…well, part of me wanted to respond to it. Instead, I said, “I’m not going to be an active participant in you beating me!”

“I’m not ‘beating’ you, Dresden. This is punishment. Not torture.”

“It isn’t what I deserve.” I squeezed my eyes shut, as traitorous moisture filled them. I spoke nothing but the truth. Denton could have hurt me a whole lot worse than just giving me a sore ass. Given what had occurred between the two of us, he should have beaten me to within an inch of my life. But….

Denton gripped my hand, drawing me out of my thoughts. He pulled my hand against my back, but didn’t let go as he began to tug my pants down. “I’m not going to give you worse, Dresden. I’m going to spank you, and I’m going to spank your bare ass, but I’m not going to do any worse than that.” He ran his free hand over my brief-clad bottom, slightly soothing the lingering sting. “I’m going to punish you. Because I see a hell of a lot more than I used to, when I was alive. I see your pain and I feel your guilt, Dresden. You need to let go.”

I sniffled. Tears sprang to my eyes. I clung tightly to Denton’s hand, while my other gripped the far edge of the desk. I breathed in deep, trying to prepare myself for what was to come.

I didn’t have long to wait. Denton lifted his hand from my backside and slapped it across both cheeks at once, very firmly. Then he continued, working his way from the crest down to mid-thigh; which made me writhe and gasp, as my thighs had no clothing in place to cushion some of the sting.

As Denton’s hand smacked, firmly and methodically, I couldn’t help but wriggle and shift from one foot to the other. My bottom was growing warm, sore and tender. But the worst part was the reaction the spanking was drawing out of me. This didn’t even rate that high on the level of pain I’d experienced in the past. But this was different, somehow. Perhaps because this was a spanking and that kind of punishment, that kind of discipline, was given when someone cared about another person. And I’d never had someone care about me in that way before.

I’d been expecting it, but couldn’t help the whimper that escaped when Denton tugged my briefs down. Somehow, being fully bared from the waist down to mid-thigh made me feel even more vulnerable and exposed. I took a tighter grip, both on the far edge of the table and on Denton’s hand.

“You need this, Dresden.” He spoke in a low voice that made me shiver. “You need to be punished. Need to be disciplined. Need to be pulled back from the edge. And I’m going to do that.”

I wasn’t given a chance to respond before his hand was slapping down on my bare ass. I didn’t know if he was smacking any harder, but after the steady smacks that had already tenderised my butt, they felt harder. And it didn’t take long for my bottom to feel like it was on fire. My breath hitched and I gasped, “I don’t even know why you’re doing this!” Tears were running down my cheeks by this point. I was close to breaking point…and all it took was my hand being held while my backside was smacked until it was sore and tender.

“Because you need it,” Denton replied. “You need discipline. And you need someone willing to step in and do this whenever it’s needed.” He stopped spanking and instead began rubbing my sore bottom. “This is the deal we’ll make. I’ll be your eyes and ears over here. I’ll pass on the information you need and any deals I make, any favours I gain, you’ll have access to. And you’ll return here regularly, so that I can give you the spanking you need to allow you to release some of the guilt and pain you constantly carry around with you, like a shroud.”

My body slumped over the desk and my breath hitched as I tried hard to keep some semblance of composure. “And what do you…get out of this?” I gasped out. “I can’t imagine just spanking me works as a great form of revenge, even if you do get some satisfaction out of it.”

“What do I get out of it?” Denton repeated. He stopped rubbing and a moment later, I felt something cool and hard resting against my naked backside. “I get the chance to do the right thing. And to help the person trying to do the right thing outside of here. I might be dead, but I’m not out of the fight, Dresden.”

I twisted round and winced as I saw the large wooden hairbrush he held in his hand, resting against my bottom. “Denton…surely that’s not necessary.”

He met my eyes and raised the brush. “I would say it’s very necessary. I’m only giving you ten strikes with this, Dresden. As a warning about what will happen if you get too close to the line. If you put yourself in danger.” He delivered the first hard stroke.

I jumped and yelped as the brush caused an explosion of pain across my backside, then tore my gaze away from Denton and stared at a fixed point on the wall. There was nothing I could do to stop the rest of the punishment. Or, more accurately, there was nothing I was willing to do to stop it. So I lay bent over the desk, continued to hold onto Denton’s hand, and I accepted the ten strokes from the brush. And they hurt. By the time Denton stopped, there was a raging fire in my backside that I was certain would take at least a couple of days to die down. And I was crying, hard, almost blinded by my tears.

Denton was rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles when I came back to myself. He pitched his voice in a low, reassuring tone as he said, “We’re done for now, Dresden. That’s it for this session. At least until the next time we see each other.”

“The next time,” I repeated wearily, my throat clogged with tears.

“The next time,” Denton confirmed. “There are going to be other spankings, Dresden. I know what you’ve done. I know the guilt you carry. So you will continue to come here. I will give you the information I gather. And then you will place yourself over my knee for a spanking.”

“Just with your hand?” I sniffled.

“If you don’t act out during the time we’re apart, then yes. It will just be my hand. Otherwise, I won’t hesitate to use the brush again. Or my belt.”

Part of me felt I should argue. And part of me pointed out that I hadn’t done a very good job of taking care of myself. Hell, even sleeping was difficult right now. My ass throbbed in time with the beat of my heart and I didn’t think I’d be able to sit comfortably once I woke, but…I felt better inside. Lighter. Freer. “Okay,” I whispered.

Denton pulled my clothing into place, ignoring my hiss of pain as the rough material rubbed over my tender backside, and then helped me to stand up. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly; as tight as anyone had ever held me before.

Sniffling even more, I wrapped one arm around Denton while my other reached back to gingerly rub at my sore backside. It hurt and there was no point in pretending it didn’t. Taking a deep breath, I let my head drop gently against his shoulder. Being held, being comforted, felt nice. I was fairly sure I could stand the pain of the spanking if I would get cuddles again afterwards.

We stood there for a while. I wasn’t sure how long, but it was long enough for the fire to die down a little bit and for the tears to stop streaming down my cheeks. Denton still rubbed my back and held me; didn’t try to rush me to calm down. We just stood there, holding onto each other. Eventually, I knew I was going to have to take a step back. To be in control. To take on the mantle of responsibility once more.

For right now, though, being held…it was enough.

The End