Solid As A Rock

Fandom: Deadpool
Summary: The 'merc with the mouth' has something to say
Notes & Warnings: AU, strong sexual language, mild swearing, some small references to violence
Spoiler up to: The end of the movie Deadpool

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Hey Big C!

Bet’cha wondering how I gotta hold of your e-mail addy, right? Probably wracking that big ole hunk a metal you call your brains trying to figure out how I got it. Well. I’m not gonna tell you. A guy’s gotta keep some secrets, after all. And I’ve got few enough of those. ‘Merc with a mouth’, remember?

Anyway. Figured I should send you a little thank you note. Thought about sending you a letter with pictures of hot naked women, but for all I know, your dick’s already about as hard as it’ll get. Does it hurt to be ‘on’ all the time?

You’re wondering why I’m getting in touch. I can tell. Hey, maybe if my ‘super-guy’ gig doesn’t work out, I could be a fortune-teller. What do you think? Right right. Get to the point. By the way, is that mansion still as lonely?

I was thinking I need to thank you. Actually, that was Vanessa’s idea. Between the hot, sweaty sex. I will never get tired of that woman. But she reminded me of my manners. Got it out of me I’d caused you no end of trouble, too. I’d say sorry, but that would be a lie. Asking forgiveness is the furthest thing from my mind when she’s got her mouth wrapped around my cock, you know? Oh right, I guess you wouldn’t.

Anyway, Vanessa’s under the impression we’ve got a bromance going on. Dunno where she got that idea. I might wear the tights, but you’re the one who fancies himself a superhero.

I guess I do owe you one, though. And you can take it out of my ass. No. I don’t mean anal. Not that I’m against it if that’s the way you swing. Each to their own.

I’m talking about beating it. My ass. Literally. Hell, you can use your big metal hand if you want. Not like I won’t heal. Come to think of it, you should have done that to Angel. I bet you’ve got too much honour for that, though. Pity, because if any chick deserved to get her ass spanked? She’d be high on the list.

But hey, Big C. Here’s your chance to get even with me. Name the time and the place. Oh. The position, too. Over your lap? Touching my toes? Over the gatepost? Hell, I don’t care how public you make it. I’m easy.

Your friendly neighbourhood… Deadpool

***

Deadpool

I am uncertain just how serious you are with this offered suggestion, but I will not pass up the opportunity to recruit you to the X-Men. If you are serious, meet me at the mansion tomorrow at 2pm. And we will discuss your punishment.

And I have not forgotten I was the one who gave you my e-mail address, even if you have.

Colossus