Second Thoughts
Summary: Late-night introspection leads to a hard decision
Warning(s): Spoilers up to Captain America: The Winter Soldier; some references to violence; AU; sexual content
Pairing: Brock Rumlow/Jack Rollins
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It was difficult to pinpoint exactly when he became disillusioned with HYDRA. Exactly when he’d begun to realise that the organisation was so much worse than he’d ever believed when he’d first joined it. Yeah, he knew that HYDRA had allied themselves with the Nazis back in the war, but that hadn’t necessarily meant they were the bad guys now. And a lot of their recruitment drives had played on that fact; that people could and did change.
Brock could admit he’d been young and stupid back then. Eager to make a difference and rebel and not too fussed about how he went about doing it. And his best friend, Jack, hadn’t been far behind him. Maybe the only reason Jack had joined initially was because Brock had. And right up until HYYDRA had begun to show itself in SHIELD, Brock had been able to live with what he’d been doing up until that point. Well. Not exactly…but his sense of self-preservation was higher than his need to do the right thing.
And then he found out what he and the rest of the strike team were supposed to do. What their orders were.
Brock looked down at Jack, nestled in his arms. They’d spent the whole night in a hot and heavy session of sex and more sex. It had been enough to wipe out his lover and Jack now slept, his head on Brock’s chest, arm slung around Brock’s body as if to keep him from getting up. His weight was a warm, solid one. Brock found he never slept better than when Jack was sprawled on top of him. Yeah, it made breathing a bit harder and most people wouldn’t find it all that comfortable, but for Brock, it was the only way he could get any sleep.
Apart from now. As he lay awake in bed. Thinking and worrying about what their mission was going to be in…exactly seven hours, he realised, as he angled his head enough to look at the digital clock on the nightstand.
“Need to sleep.” Jack mumbled the words into Brock’s chest, only half-awake. He lifted his head enough to look into Brock’s eyes, his own half-lidded. “Stop overthinking everything. We’ll be together. That’s what’s important.”
Brock closed his eyes and let his head fall back as Jack began to gently kiss his chest. The affection should have been enough to chase him to sleep. Really, he was too tired for his cock to take an interest in the proceedings, though that didn’t stop it from stirring. “You don’t know what they want us to do.” He winced as the words escaped his mouth without conscious thought.
He didn’t want to ruin this time they had together. Didn’t want to make Jack feel as guilty as he himself was starting to. But the alternative was letting his lover discover the truth with no warning. No way to prepare.
No chance to make a different decision.
Jack propped himself up with a hand on either side of the mattress, levering himself up enough to look into Brock’s eyes. “How bad is it?”
“We need to bring in Cap.”
“Shit.” Jack looked down, biting his lip. “Bring him in? Or kill him?” he asked softly.
“Bring him in preferably. But if we need to, kill him. It’s all been planned with the rest of the team. Where and when it happens.” He spoke the words quickly. Like it would make it any better if he didn’t stop to think about exactly what he was going to do. What they were all going to do.
“We’re not going to. Right?”
Surprised, Brock looked into Jack’s eyes. He saw the firm set to his lover’s jaw; the narrowed eyes. “What?” he asked.
“We’re not going to attack Cap. We’re not going to bring him in. We’re not going to do what HYDRA wants.” Jack paused and when Brock didn’t respond, he went on. “I know it’s not just me. I know you feel the same way. Hell, I know we’ve both done a lot of bad shit for HYDRA. But if we go after Cap, there’s no coming back from that. It’s the line we shouldn’t cross if we want to be able to live with ourselves when all this is over.”
Brock stared into the other man’s eyes. He let his hands slowly rub down over Jack’s back, rubbing the tension out of the muscles bunched under his hands. Tension he hadn’t even realised was inside him seeped out and he sighed, closing his eyes. “I should have talked to you about this when I first got the orders.”
“Yeah,” Jack agreed. “Why didn’t you?”
“I wasn’t so sure you’d want to get out.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Jack returned. “Both of us hate what HYDRA’s doing. I know we haven’t done much talking about it, but we both got in too deep to get out alone.” He hesitated. “They sent the Winter Soldier after Cap.”
“I know.”
Jack let his head rest on Brock’s chest again, tucking his head under Brock’s chin. “You think Cap would believe us if we tell him we’ve switched sides?”
“Probably not until we actually prove it to him,” Brock admitted quietly. He kissed Jack’s shoulder; felt rather than heard the other man sigh as Jack then lifted his head and the two of them kissed, deep and lingeringly. Once they separated to allow them both to catch their breath, Brock whispered, “We should somehow get a warning to him.”
“He’s gonna be watched. And if he’s not, we’ll be.” Jack stroked his hands down Brock’s sides, reaching down and grasping his member. “We can’t approach him unless we’re sure it’s safe. Especially if we don’t know if he’ll turn on us. HYDRA would.”
“Cap isn’t HYDRA,” Brock replied. “He’s not gonna turn on us if we switch sides. But you’re right. I think we need to wait to make our move until HYDRA acts. They won’t be expecting it. Maybe,” he added.
“They’ll kill us.”
“They’ll try to,” Brock replied. “But we’ll protect each other.” He kissed Jack again, more deeply this time, and rolled them over so that he was on top. “You know what? Since neither of us are sleeping…I think we can find something better to occupy our time with.” As he leaned down to begin kissing along Jack’s skin, he tried to push aside his worry for the future.
For now, it was just him and the man he loved. And when it came down to it, he would fight to keep what they had together.
The End