Chapter Four

Enmu didn't know how long he rested there for, curled up next to the lake with Sabito sitting next to him. The spirit still wore his fox mask and it was impossible to tell if he was awake or asleep.

Finally, Enmu stirred, unable to ignore his feelings of guilt and shame any longer. He pushed hiimself up slowly, looking up at Sabito with eyes that felt dry and gritty. "I'm ready," he whispered. 

Sabito looked down at Enmu. With the mask in place, it was impossible to tell what he was thinking. He stood up and held a hand out to Enmu.

Slowly, Enmu put his hand into Sabito's and allowed the other spirit to pull him to his feet. While he was expecting to be moved into position for another spanking...another act of penance...Sabito instead squeezed his hand and murmured, "Walk with me."

Hesitantly, Enmu nodded and allowed himself to be guided away from the lake. Sabito's hand was warm and comforting in his own, in spite of them being spirits, and as they moved through the spirit world, a sense of peace descended upon Enmu.

The world shifted to violet and indigo hues as they walked and after a few minutes, Enmu whispered, "Where are you taking me?"

Sabito glanced sideways at him. "There are more spirits here than just you and I. This place is for spirits who have not yet been able to move on, whether to the true afterlife...or to be reincarnated into the next world."

Enmu opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again as the world in front of them opened up into a small clearing, with trees surrounding it that were coloured in different hues of purple and blue. Under one of the trees, he saw the spirit of a young boy...and when his eyes alighted on the boy, he winced, a stab of guilt going through his heart.

He recognised the spirit. The boy was one of those he'd recruited before he'd died as a demon...a boy suffering from tuberculosis, who'd only wanted to experience a happy dream that Enmu had dangled in front of him.

The sight of the boy made Enmu's guilt flare. As he moved forward, he could feel Sabito's eyes on him...watching him...but his eyes were focused on the boy's spirit. He knelt down in front of the boy, hands splayed open, his head bowed. "I'm sorry."

The apology hung in the air between the two spirits. Enmu wasn't even sure the boy had heard his words, or if they could penetrate through the pain he was certain had to surround the boy's soul. He resisted the urge to look behind him at Sabito, instead focusing on the spirit of the boy...one of those he'd hurt; one of those he could at least try to make amends to.

Slowly, achingly slowly, the boy raised his head. He looked at Enmu, his eyes tired and face drawn. Even here, in the spirit world, his face was pale and drawn. "I thought you let me die," he whispered. "As punishment for failing. For not even...trying."

Enmu winced. The words, quiet as they were, hit him like blows far more painful than the spanking Sabito had given him. Was this the spirit's idea of further punishment? His lips parted, but for a few moments, he couldn't find the words. Shame brought heat to his cheeks and formed a pit in his stomach. Shame and...guilt.

"No," he whispered, when he finally found his voice. "I made mistakes. I brought you and the others into my schemes with nothing more than the promise of beautiful, peaceful dreams." He swallowed hard and forced himself to continue speaking. "I know what I told you, but...every word I spoke then was a lie. I could never have saved you. And even the dreams I offered...could never have lasted."

Tears formed in the boy's eyes and he lowered his head to his knees once more, shoulders shaking with silent sobs.

Guilt churning in his chest, Enmu reached out with a hand that trembled. He hesitated, half-expecting the boy to recoil...to lash out at him...but he still let his hand rest gently on the boy's shoulder. He didn't grip...didn't even squeeze...he just let his hand rest there, trying to offer what little comfort he could. "I'm sorry." His voice was thick and heavy with his own tears, but he didn't let them fall. "I'm sorry I used you. I'm sorry I lied to you." He swallowed hard. "I'm sorry...so sorry...that I couldn't save you."

Behind him, Sabito moved close enough that Enmu could feel him standing just behind him, his presence solid...warm...almost comforting. But when he spoke, there was no comfort or gentleness in his tone...in spite of how soft it was. "Do you think saying sorry is enough?"

Enmu flinched at the question. Sabito's voice wasn't cruel, but it forced him to think...to remember what he'd done. To this boy, who he'd allowed to die; to the other children, who'd all been suffering and clung to the cruel promises he made them.

"I don't know how to make it right," he whispered finally.

"You can't change what you've done." Sabito knelt next to Enmu. One hand came to rest on his shoulder, squeezing it firmly. "You can't bring back those who have died...or healed the hurts you've wrought."

"Then...what is the point of being here?" Enmu whispered, unable to keep the hopeless note out of his voice.

Sabito said nothing for a few moments. Instead, his grip tightened a fraction on Enmu's shoulder. Not enough to hurt...not enough to cause any kind of discomfort...but enough to be felt. "You might not be able to heal those who you hurt before, but you can make amends by doing right by people now. Don't forget your history as a demon. Learn from it...and use that knowledge to make the right choices from now on."

Enmu drew in a deep breath and closed his eyes, giving a tiny nod. "I will. I will...do everything in my power to make up for what I've done." He opened his eyes again and looked at Sabito, naked hope in his eyes. "Will you help me?"

It was still impossible to tell what Sabito was thinking or feeling, with the mask covering his face. But he nodded, and his fingers gripped Enmu's shoulder tighter. "I will," he said quietly. "For as long as you are willing to make things right...I will be right here alongside you."

Enmu relaxed a fraction under Sabito's hand and he nodded, drawing in a slow, shuddering breath. "I want to make things right." His voice was quiet, but it still carried certainty. He slowly looked towards the boy, then reached out with a hand that trembled...placing it on his shoulder and squeezing gently.

"I'm sorry I didn't give you the beautiful dream I promised." His voice was quiet, but no less sincere because of it. "I'm sorry," he repeated, the words rising and falling in the space between them.

The boy's shoulders shook and his body trembled, but he didn't look up. His tears were quiet, but they were still audible.

Enmu looked back at Sabito. The other spirit didn't speak...and his mask remained in place...but he was still there. He hadn't left.

And Enmu could draw strength from his presence, even though he wasn't sure he deserved to.

Turning back to the boy, Enmu whispered, "You don't have to stay here. You should move on...to the next life. You should have a second chance to live." His voice dropped even further. "I don't know what's holding you here, but...whatever it is, you can let it go. You should let it go."

Slowly, the boy raised his eyes to Enmu's face. He looked past him, towards Sabito. "I don't know how..."

Sabito finally moved. He walked over to Enmu and the boy and knelt down next to Enmu. "You just need to let go. Everything that holds you here...everything that weighs you down."

"How?" the boy whispered. 

The smile could be heard in Sabito's voice as he murmured, "Match your breaths to mine. In and out. Like this." He demonstrated, breathing slowly in...and then, just as slowly, breathing out. "Every time you breathe out...let a little bit more go."

The boy hesitated, eyes flickering towards Enmu before focusing on Sabito once more. Despite the unsure look on his face, he began to breathe in and out...matching his breathing to Sabito. Each time he breathed out, a tiny bit of tension seeped out of his body.

Enmu watched as the boy's form began to slowly dissipate. He watched the peace spread across the boy's face, and felt a faint stab of envy for the peace that seemed to come so easily.

But that feeling faded when he remembered just why he couldn't have that same feeling of peace...and how far he needed to go to make amends for everything he'd done.

After the boy's spirit disappeared, silence descended over the clearing. Enmu and Sabito knelt side by side, both facing the empty space under the tree...and for a few moments, neither spoke.

Then Sabito stirred. He pushed himself up to his feet, and he turned to Enmu, holding a hand out to him. "Are you ready?"

Enmu didn't ask what Sabito meant. He took a deep breath in and reached out, taking Sabito's hand...and stood up as well.

Just as it had by the lake, the environment responded to the need. A tree stump formed, growing seamlessly out of the ground as if it had always been there. And Sabito used his grip on Enmu's hand to guide him over to the stump. He took a seat, then guided Enmu into position across his lap.

A slow, hitching breath escaped Enmu's lips as he slumped over Sabito's lap. His backside still felt a little tender from the earlier spanking, although it no longer hurt. He shifted slightly when Sabito's hand came to rest on his lower back and whispered, "I know I deserve this...I probably deserve even worse."

Sabito didn't answer with words. Instead, his hand moved slightly lower, coming to rest on Enmu's backside. He left his hand there for a moment, allowing Enmu to feel his position and the inherent strength in his hold. Then, he lifted his hand and brought it down in a firm smack.

It wasn't particularly hard, but the swat stung over skin that was already tender. Enmu couldn't help the whimper that escaped his lips, but as the firm swats continued to fall, he tried to stay silent and still.

This was nothing more than he deserved. He probably deserved even worse. Really, a punishment like this...even if was repeated every day for the rest of his existence...was merciful.

When Sabito paused, hand resting on Enmu's aching backside, he couldn't help shifting slightly, tears blurring his eyes. "Don't stop," he breathed out, his voice ragged. "I know I deserve every bit of pain for what I've done. Please..." His throat closed around the word as a sob caught.

"This isn't about pain." Sabito's voice was soft, his touch gentle as he lightly rubbed Enmu's stinging skin. "I could take you right to the edge of what you can endure, and perhaps even right over the edge. But it wouldn't have nearly the same impact as forcing you to face what you've done...and who you've hurt."

"That's why you made me face the boy's spirit." Enmu closed his eyes as he realised, "I didn't even ask his name."

Sabito didn't say anything. He just kept his hand in place on Enmu's backside and waited.

"I'm sorry," Enmu whispered, throat closing around the words as tears slid down his face.

"I know." Sabito's voice was soft as he helped Enmu to stand up. "If I believed you weren't, I wouldn't be doing this."

Standing in front of Sabito, Enmu lowered his head, looking at the ground rather than into Sabito's face. He kept his hands at his sides, ignoring the discomfort from the spanking, and whispered, "What do you want me to do?"

Sabito reached out, his fingers gently squeezing Enmu's shoulder. Without a word, he pushed gently, guiding Enmu to the ground.

Enmu knelt, bowing his head, and breathed in slowly as he felt Sabito's fingers move to the back of his neck, squeezing it gently. He opened his mouth, wanting to apologise again...but the words froze on his tongue. Words didn't mean anything, after everything he'd done and what he'd allowed himself to become.

The only way he could find redemption was through action.

"Help me?" Enmu whispered, shifting slightly before settling in place.

"That is the idea," Sabito replied. "Rest for now. We will continue later."