Over The Edge

Summary: Follows Actions Affecting Others. When Jane loses his memory, Cho is a bit more honest than he might have expected about how he believes Jane views him and the rest of the team
Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for seasons one to four of The Mentalist; AU; references to violence and murder
Pairing: Kimball Cho/Patrick Jane

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Being in the room where his wife and daughter had been murdered did more than bring his memories back to him. As Jane stared at the bloodied smiley face drawn on the wall...that he'd left there to remind him of how he'd failed his family and of his quest for vengeance...the memories of everything came back to him. But it wasn't just Red John he was remembering. It wasn't just his family coming back to him.

Jane closed his eyes and drew his breath in slowly. When his memories had gone, he hadn't exactly treated the rest of the team very well. It wasn't that much of a surprise, to be honest. When he'd pretended to be a psychic, he hadn't been a good person. His wife and his daughter had humanised him, to an extent...but he'd still been willing to use his skills of observation for personal gain. He'd used them against everyone he could, every possible mark who was rich enough and dumb enough to fall for his psychic routine.

But then Red John had taken everything he loved. And as much as he hated the serial killer, he couldn't deny that Red John had ultimately made him a better person.

And he'd nearly lost all of that along with his memory.

Jane slowly turned away from the bloody face on the wall and opened the door, stepping out into the hallway. He raised his eyes to meet Lisbon's face.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

He shook his head and looked away again. "Don't be," he whispered hollowly. "You did the right thing. If I'd stayed that person...." His voice trailed off and he shook his head. "Thank you."

"Okay." Nodding, she stepped back. "You had a long day. A long week, really. You need to get some rest. You don't need to come in tomorrow. Take the day off."

"And do what, Lisbon?" He cast a glance back towards the room, towards the open door. He didn't need to, since the bloody face was engraved on his mind. Tearing his eyes away from it, he focused on her once more. "Can I get you to take me somewhere else?"

"You still want to leave?" Her eyes widened a fraction in surprise.

"No. No," he repeated more forcefully, when he saw her eyes narrow in suspicion. "I don't want to leave. But I don't want to be here either. Can you take me to Cho's apartment?"

"Cho?" Lisbon shook her head. "Of all the people I'd thought you might want to see, Cho wasn't anywhere near the top of the list."

"Really? That's a surprise. You didn't notice I've been taking less chances? Being a bit more careful with my behaviour? Who do you think was behind that?" he asked.

"I didn't think it was Cho." She shook her head and turned to walk down the stairs. "Okay. But you owe me one, Jane. I don't think you need anymore excitement today."

"I owe you a lot more than just one." He followed her down the stairs and out of the house, turning to lock the door behind him. Then, he followed her over to her car and got in the passenger seat, buckling himself in. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. For taking that money. I hope you know I'm not that man anymore," he said seriously.

"I know." Lisbon put the car into gear and began driving. She kept her eyes on the road as she continued speaking. "But I'm gonna need to know how to get hold of Tamara. She can't be walking around wearing jewellery you bought with stolen money."

"Yeah, I get it." Jane shifted slightly, wondering if he was making a mistake. Cho didn't think Jane liked them, not really. Jane wasn't sure he could really convince the other man that he did like them. In Cho's case, he more than liked the other man. But without his memories, he'd treated all of them like they were marks. And he couldn't blame Cho if he was hurt, or angry, or any other negative emotions he might be feeling.

The problem was, without seeing Cho face to face, Jane couldn't predict how the other man felt...or figure out how to make things right between them. And maybe he wouldn't be able to repair their relationship even after they saw each other...although he had hope that Cho would listen to him, even if he couldn't outright believe him.

He and Lisbon didn't speak during the drive to Cho's apartment, though it was a comfortable silence, rather than tense or uneasy. When Lisbon parked outside the building, she looked at Jane. "Promise me that when you're done talking to Cho, you'll get some proper rest."

"Of course." He unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door, looking back at her with a smile. "You worry about me too much."

"And you don't worry about yourself nearly as much as you should." She waved a hand towards the door. "Go. Tell Cho I don't want to see you tomorrow at all."

"Yeah, yeah. I get it." He closed the door and turned to watch her drive away. Then, taking a deep breath, he walked to the front door and knocked.

Cho opened the door immediately, a small frown on his face. "Did you tell Lisbon you were going to spend the night here?"

"No." Jane furrowed his brow. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I just had a message from her, telling me to make sure you don't come into work tomorrow." Cho stepped back from the door.

"Oh. Well, she probably figured I'd spend the night here. Since I asked her to drive me." Jane stepped into the building. "Can I sleep over?"

"What do you want?" Cho asked directly.

"You're upset with me." Jane looked into his eyes. "I can understand it. What I can't understand is why you told me, when I'd lost my memories, that I don't like any of you. I would have thought, by now, you'd know me better than that."

"Look, Jane." Cho sighed. "It's late. And Lisbon's right. You need to rest. You can use my guest room, if you don't want to go home. But I don't think tonight is the right time to have this kind of conversation."

"It's the perfect time for this kind of conversation," Jane replied. "If we waited until tomorrow, we'd both have time to put up shields. Walls. If we have the conversation now, we're more likely to be honest and open with each other."

"You stole money from a murderer."

"Yeah. That wasn't one of my finest moments," Jane admitted. "But you know I wasn't a good man before. Sure, I did some good things...but I deceived people as much as I helped them. I'm sorry you had to see the man I was, but I suppose it might have been a good thing, given that you told me what you believe I think of you."

"Jane. What do you want?" Cho asked again.

Jane wondered, briefly, if he was making a mistake, coming here. His emotions were high; really too high for this type of conversation, he supposed. Talking wasn't what he was looking to do.

So he didn't talk. Instead, he walked forward, pressing his body against Cho's. Then, he leaned in and pressed his lips to the other man's.

Cho stiffened slightly, but it was only for a moment before he was kissing back, his arms sliding around Jane's waist and pulling him in close.

Cho's lips were warm and soft. His body was warm and hard against Jane's own. Jane wrapped his own arms around Cho, taking a step closer so that their bodies would press against each other. He took a deep breath, inhaling the slightly spicy scent of the aftershave the other man wore.

It was Cho who broke the kiss, pulling back and panting slightly for breath. His eyes were slightly glazed over and Jane couldn't help but smile, seeing the way the other man was affected by him.

"You don't want to do this, Jane." It took Cho a few seconds to be able to find his voice, but his eyes cleared and he stood up a bit straighter. "Your emotions are high. You nearly died. Then you lost your memories and got them back again. If we go any further than this, you're going to regret it."

"No. I don't think I will," Jane replied. "I remembered what you said to me. And it's not true," he whispered, his voice low and intense; as serious as he'd ever been about anything in his life. "I do care about you. I care about the whole team, but I care about you especially, Cho. Why do you think I've let you punish me? Let you spank me? I trust you. And I care about you. So I'm here, to convince you that you're wrong."

Cho stared into his eyes for several long moments before he finally spoke. "Does this mean you'll be staying here tomorrow?"

"Will you be staying with me?" Jane asked.

"I probably should," Cho allowed. "Since if I don't, I have no doubt that you'd end up coming in anyway. Even being in the hospital doesn't stop you." He sighed and shook his head. "But you need to have an early night. Get some sleep."

"Come with me?" Now that he'd made the decision to act on his feelings, Jane was feeling bolder. Even if he wouldn't push for anything more than they'd done already, a big part of him just wanted the comfort of Cho's physical presence.

"I don't think that would be a good idea tonight," Cho replied. He held up a hand to forestall any protests Jane might have made. "I know that's what you think you want right now, but I'd be more inclined to believe you if you can say the same once you've had a good night's sleep."

Jane was tempted to protest; to tell Cho he knew his own mind and knew he wouldn't regret asking Cho to sleep with him in the morning. But his whole life was about being able to read people...and he could tell that it wouldn't matter what he said. Cho believed he needed the space. Maybe Cho even needed the space himself, considering that the next steps they took would change their relationship. "Okay," he said finally. "We'll talk more in the morning."

"We'll talk more here in the morning," Cho said firmly.

"Okay." Jane smiled. He thought again about asking Cho to stay in the room with him; even if they didn't sleep in the same bed, he thought he might gain some comfort from the other man being close. But he knew the other man would refuse...and that he wouldn't be able to get him to change his mind.

Maybe Cho had a point that they needed to sleep on it and see how things were in the morning.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Jane turned and headed towards the guest room.

###

Despite the fact he wasn't supposed to be working, that he was supposed to be spending the day resting, Jane still found himself waking up fairly early. He squinted in the bright light that came through the window and rolled onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes.

He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, no matter how hard he tried to. So he didn't try. Instead, he got out of the bed and quickly pulled on the clothes he'd left hanging up. Then, he walked out of the room and headed to the kitchen.

Cho was there already, making breakfast. "I put some tea on," he said to Jane. "It should be ready now."

"Thanks." Jane smiled and walked over to the teapot. He poured out some tea and then raised the cup to his lips, beginning to sip.

"How are you feeling?" Cho asked, turning away from the stove to look directly at Jane.

Jane took his time answering, enjoying the tea. Finally, he spoke. "If you're expecting me to tell you I've changed my mind, I'm not going to do that. I know we haven't acted on our feelings for each other, but I'm ready to take the next step now. I trust you. And I like you, Cho. I like you a whole lot. I even told you that when I lost my memories. It wasn't a lie then, and it's not a lie now."

"Okay." Cho began to plate up food for them, even as he asked, "So what does this mean for us? Are you asking for a friends with benefits kind of deal? Or an actual relationship?"

"I want to be with you, Kimball," Jane said, his voice quiet and sincere. "I want an actual relationship with you."

"What about the discipline?"

Jane shrugged. "I've seen people in an actual lifestyle before. In a BDSM relationship, complete with a dominant and submissive. What we're doing isn't exactly the same, but I think it's close enough to relationships I've seen work that I don't see any reason we can't make it work for us." He paused briefly before saying, "I'm not interested in being tied up. Or blindfolded. Any removal of my senses."

"Okay." Cho's voice was calm. Accepting. "That's not something I've ever been interested in doing. Outside of spanking you when you do something dangerous, I don't want to control you. Or change you, outside of stopping your dangerous behaviour." He paused and looked away for a brief moment before saying, quietly, "I care about you, Jane. I care about you too much to stand by and let you self-destruct like you have been doing. But if you're serious about wanting to move forward in an actual relationship with me, I'm not going to hold back anymore."

Jane put his cup down and walked over to Cho. He wrapped his arms around the other man and hugged him tightly. "I don't want you to hold back," he said honestly. "I'm not going to hold back. Not if you're willing to try for a relationship with me."

Cho slowly wrapped his own arms around Jane, his fingers sliding over Jane's waist. "We should eat," he said finally. "The food will get cold otherwise."

"You're right." Jane stayed close to Cho for a few more moments, enjoying the comforting closeness, then took a step back. He picked up one of the plates and headed through to the main room, sitting on the couch and beginning to eat.

Cho joined him, sitting down as well with his own plate of food. They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Cho finally spoke. "If we're doing this, having an actual relationship, I think we should have a conversation about rules and the consequences of breaking those rules."

"Okay." Jane had finished his food and he set the empty plate down, turning to face Cho. "So far, the rule we've discussed is no dangerous behaviour. And the only consequence has been a spanking. What other rules are you thinking about? What other consequences are you considering?"

Cho met his gaze without flinching. "You close cases. You do things the rest of the team can't. I don't discount that at all. But a lot of what you do skirts the law, even if you don't outright break it. And in this last case, you did break the law."

Jane winced at the words. He normally didn't see a problem with his own actions and behaviour, though Cho stepping in had started encouraging him to see things differently. But losing his memories had resulted in him returning to the man he'd been once before; someone he thought he'd left behind after his own actions had got his wife and daughter killed. He'd hurt and upset Cho and the rest of the team...his family. "I wish I could say that was another person, but it was still me," he admitted. "It's not who I am anymore, but it's who I was. And that person is still a part of me."

Cho nodded slowly, setting his own plate down. "Lisbon pointed out that you were always a good man, even before you made an active effort to change. And I know you wouldn't have taken that money in your right mind. But that's one of the rules I'm going to put in place. You cannot break the law. If you do, it will get you spanked."

"Okay." Jane found himself relaxing slightly. He didn't know what it said about him that having a clear idea of the rules and consequences calmed and settled something inside of him. He'd never considered himself a submissive person before, but somehow, it was different with Cho. "So when are we getting it out of the way?"

"What do you mean?" Cho asked, frowning slightly.

"I broke the law. I stole from a murderer and used it for my own personal gain. And you've just told me that will get me punished. So I assume that means you'll be spanking me for taking the money."

A brief flash of surprise came across Cho's face. "You'd lost your memories. I can't hold you responsible for those actions."

"What about if I feel guilty?" Jane asked. "Physical punishment is supposed to help with feeling guilty, isn't it?"

"Do you feel guilty?" Cho asked directly.

Jane smiled, but he was aware that it was a sad one. "I always feel guilty." The admittance was made in a low voice, but was no less sincere for that. "That's the man reason I don't care about my own safety, after all. But I know endangering myself hurts you. Now that we're officially in a relationship, I can trust you to help me. I can ask you to help me, and trust you won't think I'm strange."

"Okay." Cho moved back, making sure his body was supported by the couch, and patted his lap. "Take your pants down and get into position."

Taking a deep breath, Jane stood up. He undid his pants and pushed them down, then moved forward, stopping when he reached Cho's legs. He then bent forward at the waist, positioning himself across the other man's lap.

Cho rested his hand low down on Jane's back, rubbing gently for a few moments, as he said quietly, "This spanking isn't about punishing you, Jane. You didn't deliberately lose your memories. And the man you were then isn't the same man you are now. I understand that. But if you're feeling guilty, then I'll step in and punish you. Otherwise, I worry that you will punish yourself." As he finished his sentence, he tugged Jane's underwear down to join his pants.

Breathing in deeply, Jane reached one hand down to grasp Cho's ankle. He reached back with his other hand, relaxing a fraction when it was grasped firmly and held against his back. It might be effectively trapping him, but he couldn't deny that he felt better with the comfort. "I'm sorry," he offered quietly. "That man isn't one I want to be anymore. Even if I couldn't have helped it, I never wanted to return to who I was."

"I know." Cho squeezed his hand gently, then moved his other hand a bit lower. He rubbed Jane's backside for a moment or two, then lifted his hand and brought it down in a firm, stinging smack.

Jane hissed out his breath in a quiet gasp and gripped Cho's hand a bit tighter. He wasn't given much of a chance to absorb the sting of that first smack, as more quickly followed, delivered in a smarting pattern from the crest of his backside down to mid-thigh...and then starting over from the top.

As he continued to steadily smack, Cho squeezed Jane's hand and began speaking. "You had no control over your memories being lost," he reiterated. "And even with them gone, you still did the right thing. Even if you used the murder for your own financial gain, you made sure the murderer was caught. You helped us close the case."

"I was going to leave." Jane couldn't help it. His voice choked slightly. Somehow, the thought of that was even worse than slipping back into the man he'd once been.

"You would have come back. Once your memories returned, you wouldn't have stayed away." Cho spoke with absolute certainty.

"Would you have come after me?" It probably wasn't fair to ask that. Cho had taken on a big responsibility for Jane, but they were only just acting on their shared feelings. But Jane needed to know. He needed the reassurance that if something like this happened again, Cho wouldn't give up on him.

"Yes." The response was given in a soft voice...but the sincerity in it was very real. Cho's hand came to a rest on Jane's aching backside, lightly rubbing the heated skin, as he continued speaking. "Not straight away, but even if none of the others thought about reaching out to you...I would have come to find you. I believed you would eventually get your memories back, even without Lisbon's help."

Jane's body slumped, some of the tension seeping out of him at both the words and the comforting touch. "If it happens again?" he asked, his breath hitching slightly. "Will you come after me? You won't let me get lost?" He gently squeezed Cho's hand, taking comfort from everywhere their bodies touched.

"Yes." Cho was still lightly rubbing Jane's skin as he answered the question. "If you leave...for any reason...I'll come after you," he promised. "I'll bring you back. And if it's necessary, if your behaviour warrants it, then you'll be in this position again. I'll spank you again."

There was a certain kind of comfort in the promise. "I love you." The confession slipped out without conscious thought. As soon as the last word left his lips, he couldn't help tensing up slightly. He wasn't worried about Cho's reaction to his words. What he was worried about was the eventual fallout that could come from acknowledging and accepting those feelings.

"I love you too." Cho didn't hesitate in his response. He pulled Jane's clothing back into place and then carefully helped him up, wrapping his arms around Jane and holding him tight.

Closing his eyes, Jane wrapped his own arms around Cho and clung on. The spanking hadn't really been that severe or even painful, but his emotions were close to the surface and left him feeling emotional...vulnerable. He breathed in slowly, trying to give himself the time he needed to calm down, and nuzzled against Cho's neck.

Cho's hands rubbed gently down his back, pulling him in closer. "We have the rest of the day together, provided there are no murders. Do you know what you'd like to do for the rest of it?"

Jane smiled and leaned back to look into Cho's eyes. "I'm sure I can think of a few ideas."

The End