No Regrets

Summary: Ray has plenty of regrets. Choosing to stay with Walter and loving him isn’t one of them
Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for the whole movie Thunderheart; AU
Pairing: Walter Crow Horse/Ray Levoi
Author’s Note: Written for TheCarlySutra as part of a fic/art exchange. The picture she did for me can be found on the Angel page

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Normally, corner time was hard. Staring at the join between two walls was pretty boring, to say the least. And even though Ray was really supposed to be thinking about the reason for his corner time, he often found his mind wandering to anything but what he was actually in trouble for.

Not this time, though. Maybe it was different now because he hadn’t been put in the corner by Walter. In fact, his partner wasn’t even at home; instead, he was finishing some paperwork at the precinct. He’d told Ray that he’d pick up food for them on his way home, so there was no need for Ray to leave the corner to cook.

Letting his forehead drop gently against the wall, Ray tried not to feel guilty. He hadn’t meant to keep his relationship a secret; hadn’t intended to hide his feelings for Walter. He just hadn’t wanted to go into it with his old colleagues. Hadn’t wanted to give them anything that belonged solely to him and Walter.

Here, on the reservation, it was easy. Even if people didn’t understand, he and Walter were still accepted. Walter and Ray. Ray and Walter. Their names fit perfectly together…at least here.

“I’m not ashamed.” Ray said the words out loud. Spoke them to the wall he faced. And they were true. He wasn’t ashamed. He hadn’t talked about his lover because he hadn’t wanted his old colleagues to talk about Walter in the same way they talked about their own lovers and partners.

The sound of the door being opened drew Ray out of his musings. Immediately, he straightened and focused on the wall once more, his back and shoulders straight.

Walter didn’t say anything. Ray strained his ears, his body tense and his skin tingling.

Footsteps approached and Ray felt Walter’s arms slide around his waist, resting his hands on Ray’s hips. Almost automatically, Ray let himself lean back, his head resting on Walter’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“I can see that.” Walter kissed Ray’s neck, his teeth lightly grazing the sensitive skin of Ray’s throat. “Is this about something you’re worried about me finding out about? Or something you think I have found out about?”

Ray slanted his head to one side, biting back a whimpering moan as Walter nipped his neck. “I did something today,” he admitted, his voice low. “I didn’t mean to.”

Walter was quiet for a few moments and then Ray felt himself gently pulled out of the corner. “Come sit with me,” he murmured, guiding Ray over to the bed. He sat down and pulled Ray onto his lap.

Automatically, Ray cuddled into his husband’s arms. It was perhaps the only place he felt safe; in his lover’s arms, Walter holding him so tightly, he couldn’t escape. Everywhere they touched, he felt warm. And when Walter kissed him, tilting his head up to do so, all rational thought fled from Ray’s mind. He closed his eyes and pressed deeper into the kiss.

After nipping Ray’s lips, Walter pulled back just enough to ask, “What happened today to make you feel like a colt that needs settling?”

Ray’s mouth felt swollen; he was almost dazed. Heat pooled in his stomach, rising up to his chest and filling his whole body. He took a deep breath and spoke, unable to make eye contact with his husband. “I met some of my old colleagues today. All of them were talking about the relationships they were in. Bragging, I guess. About how good their wives and girlfriends were. I….” He paused. “I didn’t lie. Not exactly.”

“You didn’t mention us.”

Walter’s voice was calm. There was no anger or hint of blame in it.

The guilt still hurt and Ray hunched in on himself. “I didn’t…I don’t….” He took a deep breath and looked up into Walter’s eyes. “There’s a lot of things I regret. I don’t want loving you to be one of those.”

Walter put a hand on either side of Ray’s face and looked into his eyes. “You don’t need to explain it to me, Ray. We don’t hide our relationship and that’s good enough for me. Just because you didn’t brag about us doesn’t make me think you’re ashamed of us.”

“I still….” Ray hesitated before blurting, “It feels like I did something wrong. Even though you don’t think I did. I feel…guilty. Wrong. Out of sorts.”

“That might not just be about today,” Walter said softly. “Things are hard at work. You’re under a lot of stress and pressure.”

“So are you,” Ray protested.

“I’m not the one feeling guilty enough to stand himself in the corner.” Walter kissed him.

Ray closed his eyes, responding to the kiss. Heat flooded his entire body and his face flushed.

Walter pulled back slowly from the kiss, stroking his fingers through Ray’s hair, and then gently moved Ray over his lap instead of onto it.

Ray’s loud whimper had his cheeks growing red. “Walter.” Okay. That was definitely a whine. “I don’t want a spanking.”

“But you need one. Don’t you?” Walter’s voice was low and reassuring; like he really was addressing a skittish colt.

Ray’s first instinct was to deny it. To blurt out that of course he didn’t need a spanking. But positioned over his husband’s lap, Walter’s strong hands rubbing down over his back, he felt tension seeping out of him.

The first smack took Ray by surprise, making him jump at the stinging pain that exploded on his right buttock. A few moments later, Walter was rubbing and squeezing the spot he’d just swatted, causing Ray to relax. Then, when the sting was almost faded, a second hard smack was delivered in the exact same place, reigniting it.

The smacks were delivered at a slow, leisurely pace, Walter rubbing after every single swat. By the time Walter paused to pull his pants down, Ray’s whole bottom was tingling; sensitive to the touch, even if it wasn’t exactly painful.

With only the thin layer of his briefs in place, Walter’s hand stung that bit more, especially when his palm travelled down to swat Ray’s unprotected sit spots and thighs. The crack of bare skin to bare skin echoed more loudly in the room than when Walter swatted his covered bottom.

Even with the rubbing between the swats, it didn’t take long before Ray’s entire bottom ached. He reached down to grab onto Walter’s ankle, because if he didn’t, he’d throw his hands back to cover his bottom. By the time he lost the last layer of protection, his briefs, his bottom was burning.

The swats were just as slow and steady as they had been when Walter had begun spanking. But after two full circuits on his bare bottom, Ray’s backside was burning. The spanking was relentless and ongoing. His husband was giving him exactly what he needed; even if it felt like the last thing he should need or want.

Ray didn’t even realise he was crying until he felt the tears running down his cheeks. His whole body slumped limp over Walter’s lap as he surrendered emotionally to his husband; stopped fighting what Walter had realised he needed.

Finally, the swats stopped. Ray was limp across his husband’s lap, tears running down his cheeks, sobbing softly. It wasn’t the worst spanking he’d received, by any stretch of the imagination, but the emotions involved had left him feeling raw and vulnerable inside.

Walter rubbed his throbbing backside a bit more and then helped Ray to his feet, before cuddling him on his lap once more. He drew Ray into a deep, lingering kiss and rubbed a hand over his bottom, soothing the sting a little.

In his husband’s arms, Ray slumped and responded to the kiss, unable to help but moan as the soreness in his backside was soothed away. It still hurt, but compared to the guilt and tension that had been weighing him down, it was a minor discomfort.

Pulling away from the kiss, Walter asked softly, “Are you ready to eat now? Or would you prefer to do something else?”

Ray grinned and gently pushed them down onto the bed, snuggling into his husband’s arms and squirming out of the rest of his clothes before he reached to help Walter out of his. “Something else sounds perfect.”

The End