Lying Is Easy

Summary: It’s easier to lie than admit the truth
Warning(s): Spoilers for Tokyo Babylon; AU; references to violence; musings about death/murdering someone
Pairing: Subaru/Seishirou

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Saying the words was so easy. I don’t love you. I never did. I gave you the chance to change my mind, to change me, but you failed. Perhaps he hadn’t said those exact words, but that had been his meaning. To convince Subaru that the younger man had failed.

I never loved you.

When he closed his eyes, he saw Subaru’s face. The devastation. The wound. The pain. The question, why? As if any answer Seishirou would give him could ever be enough.

He’d given a year of his life and it hadn’t been enough. The beast had never gone away, only slumbered beneath the surface. Not even that far down below.

I gave you the chance to change me and you failed.

He raised his head, looking at the cherry blossoms that covered the branches of the tree above him. The sight reminded him of that day, so long ago. The sight of the boy, so innocent and free of darkness.

But he was tainted now. The innocence was dead. Even if Subaru had won their bet, it wouldn’t have changed anything. Seishirou still would have continued on the path he was going down. He’d taken a year out, but that had been all he was willing to give. That had only ever been the amount of time he’d willingly sacrifice from his true job and purposes.

You failed. Did you really think you could change me? You’re more foolish than I ever thought you were.

It didn’t really matter if the words were ones he’d said or not. There were a lot of things he’d said to Subaru. And there were just as many he should have said. Perhaps wished he’d said.

It didn’t matter now. Now, there was only one of two paths ahead they could tread. And of those two, one was far more of a certainty than the other.

There were footsteps behind him.

Seishirou smiled, but he didn’t turn. Didn’t look. Instead, he watched the cherry blossoms that bloomed from the branches. Despite the inevitability of the paths that lay ahead of him, there was no reason to rush. He was patient.

Neither of them spoke for a few moments. Seishirou knew Subaru wouldn’t attack him. It was up to him to make the first move. He carried no weapons with him. He didn’t need any. Killing the younger man would be easy. It wasn’t about if he would kill Subaru, more a question of when.

“Was anything you said to me the truth?” Subaru’s voice broke the silence.

Seishirou turned, slowly, locking eyes with the other man. “Does it really matter?” he responded. “You had your chance to change my mind, to change me, but you failed. Now there’s only death.” He kept his stance light and casual, but his eyes were ever watchful. He was prepared and ready for anything. Prepared to take that ultimate step.

It was inevitable, this ending. All that was left was for him to move along the path.

“I don’t believe you.”

Seishirou laughed at the words. It was only for a few moments, before all humour fled and he said, “Perhaps you shouldn’t believe anything I say. It doesn’t matter anymore.” He advanced a step towards Subaru.

The younger man stood his ground, staring into Seishirou’s eyes, and spoke with quiet certainty. “You won’t kill me.”

Seishirou could have ignored the words. Only a few steps closer and it would be so easy to make his move. He could kill Subaru in an instant. But just like their first fateful meeting, the younger man’s words stayed his hand. Stayed him. And so he asked, allowing a faint note of humour to creep into his voice, “What makes you so certain?”

“Because we didn’t spend a year living together without me getting to know something about you,” Subaru stated. “Without me getting to know the man you truly are.”

“You think you can know me after spending a year living with a mask I put up for you and only you?” Seishirou softened his voice. He took another step closer to the younger man. Only a few more steps and he could make his move. He could take Subaru’s life. Kill him. He could do it any number of ways, but perhaps he owed Subaru a quick death, if nothing else. “A year is a short amount of time. I sacrificed that easily. And it changed nothing. It made no difference.”

Subaru didn’t move. He just watched Seishirou with those sad, innocent eyes and said, “I don’t believe that.”

“Still trying to see the best in everyone.” Seishirou shook his head and took another step forward. One more and he could make his move. “When are you going to give up? How many times do I have to tell you?”

“You mean how many times do you have to lie to me?” Subaru stared into his eyes. “I’m not giving up. I’m not going away.”

He took that final step. He moved close enough to touch. To hurt. To kill. It was so easy. Would be so easy. He reached out. He could wrap his fingers around Subaru’s throat. Crush his windpipe. Could hit him so hard in the chest, it would crush his heart. He could kill the younger man in a dozen different ways.

And Subaru looked up at him. He didn’t move away. He just stared into his eyes and stood there and…waited.

It showed that he had no sense. If he had, he’d know what kind of danger he was in. He wouldn’t just stand there. He would never have come here if he had the good sense to stay away from Seishirou. But he was here. And he didn’t turn. He didn’t run. He stepped forward. He moved into Seishirou, instead of away from him.

And then Subaru kissed him.

His lips were warm and soft. His breath that wafted over Seishirou’s lips was hot and tasted sweet.

Seishirou knew he should push the younger man away. His job was to kill Subaru, not to kiss him back. Not to raise his hands and grasp Subaru’s hips. Pull the younger man tighter against his own body. He shouldn’t be touching Subaru gently.

He needed to kill him, but the lips on his were making it hard to think. They were distracting him. And, worse, they were making him wish that the lie he’d been living for a year had been true.

Subaru pulled back from the kiss, but not from Seishirou’s grip. He looked into Seishirou’s eyes and whispered, “I don’t believe it was a lie.”

“It makes no difference.” Seishirou shook his head. “I’m not the man you lived with for a year.”

“I don’t care.”

He couldn’t kill Subaru. Not anymore. Not with the taste of Subaru on his lips. Not with him in his arms. Seishirou dropped his hands from Subaru’s waist and stepped back. “You’re right,” he whispered. “I did lie to you. That’s what I do. Lying is easy to me.” He began to back away, not taking his eyes off of Subaru.

“Seishirou….” Subaru stepped forward, his hand outstretched.

“Don’t try to find me. You won’t succeed.”

Subaru dropped his hand. Stayed where he was. Watched Seishirou and whispered, “At least tell me the truth. One time.”

Seishirou melted back into the shadows, but he couldn’t ignore the request. Before he left Subaru for the final time, he said the words. He voiced the truth. “I love you.”

The End