Into The Depths

Summary: Set during Captain America: Winter Soldier. Follows Unwelcome Surprise. Grant Ward makes a decision that changes the entire trajectory of his life
Warning(s): M/m; Spanking for discipline; Spoilers for Agents of Shield season one; AU; references to physical abuse; some descriptions of injuries and wounds being treated; light description of a tracker being cut out
Pairings: Leo Fitz/Grant Ward; Steve Rogers/Brock Rumlow; Bucky Barnes/Jack Rollins

###

It had seemed so clear cut at first. His loyalty was to John. No one else. All other relationships were pretend, because he couldn't afford to care about anyone else. Not if he wanted to fulfill his mission, his duty, to Garrett. Even so, he'd found himself caring. He'd been grateful when May had left the base and he hadn't needed to kill her. He'd been resigned when Skye learned the truth and he knew the exact moment her caring and love for him had turned to spite and hate. He'd been afraid when he'd discovered Fitz and Simmons had snuck back on board the bus, but he had been terrified when Fitz attacked Garrett and nearly succeeded in taking him out.

He hadn't been terrified for Garrett, though.

It was agony, looking at the two younger scientists through the viewing window of the pod. He knew what his orders were: kill them both; and if they actually listened to him and opened the pod, he would have no choice but to do as ordered. If he didn't, one of the others, maybe even Garrett, would. But he didn't want them to die.

The pod was supposed to float, though, so... If he jettisoned it, they might have a chance. A very slim chance, but still a chance. Looking into Fitz's eyes, he responded to the entreaty to his caring for them. "...It's a weakness." And then he'd pulled the lever.

The very second he released the pod, he was regretting it. It was too late to stop, though. The pod was already tilting; sliding over the edge. Letting out a frustrated but agonized growl, he ran and grabbed a tank of air. They were still too close to the ocean for a chute to be effective. He had to aim just right to avoid killing himself impacting the ocean, but cliff divers had perfected the art centuries ago, so he was mostly confident he could do it.  Maybe thirty seconds after the pod had disappeared over the edge, Grant was jumping out after it.

When the pod hit the ocean, it began to sink. Fitz was moving, trying to find a way to stop the descent into the water...or at least to enable them to float. But Jemma had lost consciousness, and he was working alone, against the clock, and....

They were sinking. Jemma wasn't conscious. And Ward...Ward had betrayed them. And it hurt more than Fitz had ever thought it was possible for anything to hurt. But he couldn't think about that now. He couldn't think about how the man he'd believed in, who he'd trusted, had turned so completely against them.

The pod was on the ocean floor now. It had landed with enough force to knock Leo off his feet, but he hadn't lost consciousness. And the pod hadn't broken. They still had oxygen. Not much...there wasn't much time...but there was just enough for him to to use. He couldn't save himself...but he could give Jemma a chance.

So he immediately set to work.

***

Grant had hit the water feet first, toes pointed, and had taken a breath just before entering. Luckily, they had been close enough to the island still; it wasn't as deep as it could have been. It was deep enough that it could still cause problems, but Grant didn't allow himself to think about that. The important thing was getting Fitz and Jemma out.

The pod had been meant to float. Only, it hadn't. It wasn't. Which meant that he needed the tank for more than just keeping himself breathing after jumping into the ocean. He'd need it to get Jemma and Fitz to the surface. He held the mask to his face and took one deep breath, then held it and swam toward the pod. He only took a breath from the mask when his lungs burned and he could no longer hold it. He was saving the oxygen for his two friends, though he was certain they didn't view him as such anymore. He finally reached the pod and looked inside to see where Fitz and Jemma were standing. It would do no good blowing the pod door open if they were too close on the other side.

Fitz's eyes widened as he saw the familiar figure outside the pod. What was Ward doing there? Had he come to finish them off, in case the pod hadn't done the job? He'd nearly finished working on the equipment to get Jemma to the surface, and there was enough oxygen to get her there.

She was beginning to stir now and Fitz moved protectively to her side, putting himself between her and Ward. The HYDRA agent would need to break open the pod before he could attack. Hopefully, Fitz could get Jemma out before Ward pulled his gun.

Grant, seeing that Leo and Jemma were far enough back to not be hurt, quickly blew the door open. He then took one last deep breath of air before removing the tank and pushing it in Leo's direction. He then turned and began to swim back toward the surface. He knew he was too deep to get to the surface on one breath of air, no matter how big a breath it was, but if he got as close to the surface as possible before he had to breathe again....maybe he'd float to the surface and they could at least bury him instead of him becoming fish food. He had no illusions of surviving.

There wasn't enough time to wonder what Ward's game was, or why he'd left them with an air tank and didn't seem to have one of his own. Leo quickly got Jemma to her feet and he grabbed the oxygen canister he'd been working on, since there was no chance Ward could safely get to the surface without one. Then, he began swimming with Jemma, following Ward, making sure she could share the air tank as well...but his focus was on reaching Ward before the man's air ran out and he drowned.

Ward had done all he could to ensure Jemma and Leo's survival. He didn't expect to survive himself, but he was a fighter at heart and wouldn't just give up. Because of that, he was swimming rapidly toward the surface. Most likely too rapidly, if the sudden pain in his limbs was an indication. Decompression sickness. He had to ignore it, though. Better to be in excruciating pain than breathing in salt water, although he likely wasn't going to avoid that either.

Ward was fast...and strong...but adrenaline fuelled desperation had Leo swimming faster than he ever had before. He caught up with Ward and pushed the makeshift canister into the other man's hand, motioning for Ward to use it to breathe.

Jemma was still a bit dazed from crashing into the ocean, otherwise Leo thought she might have tried to stop him. As it was, she just clutched at Leo as they shared the air tank.

Ward turned wide, pained eyes on Leo as it took a few seconds to realize what he now held. He quickly figured it out, though, bringing it to his mouth and taking a deep breath. With the burning urgency from a lack of oxygen no longer occupying his thoughts, the extreme pain from the Bends took over. He forced himself to ignore the pain and keep moving upward, though. He didn't know how much air was in the makeshift tank. Thankfully, Leo and Jemma were ahead of him now, so they wouldn't see when his body clenched up and he all but doubled over, even as he continued his swim.

When Leo and Jemma resurfaced, Leo took only a moment to realise that Ward hadn't surfaced as well. "I'm going back under. If you see anyone on our side, call and wave for help," he said urgently, before going back under.

"Leo, wait...!" Jemma's protest was lost as he went under the water, swimming down to Ward. It was immediately obvious that the other man had tried to reach the surface too fast and Leo reached out to touch his shoulder, shaking his head. He mouthed the word, Wait, at Ward.

Ward nodded to show he understood and took another breath from the canister. His eyes stung from the salt, but that pain was negligible.

Leo trod water but didn't resurface, instead waiting with Ward until he thought it was safe to break the surface. He touched Ward's shoulder and then gestured upwards, before offering an arm in case Ward needed help steadying himself.

It didn't help much; the damage had already been done with his rapid descent down, then rapid ascent up. But it helped enough to keep him from passing out. Which was necessary, since they didn't know when rescue would occur. Grant followed Leo the remaining distance to the top, breaking the surface and then taking in big gulps of air.

****

Ward didn't know how much time passed between him breaking the surface and Fury pulling the three of them out of the water. The pain had got so intense, he couldn't focus on anything else and he'd eventually passed out. When he finally came to, he was in a pressure chamber, laying on an uncomfortable bed, wearing a flimsy hospital gown, handcuffed to the bed's railing.

Leo had gone with the doctors to be checked over, and so that he could also be assured of Jemma's wellbeing. But almost as soon as he was given the all clear, he was waiting outside the pressure chamber, hoping that someone might give him positive news about Ward. Yes, the man had dropped him and Jemma into the ocean; but he'd come down after them immediately. Leo believed it was because Ward hadn't truly wanted to harm them...and he wanted to return the favour and make sure Ward wasn't harmed.

That's where Fury found him. "Doctors told me he was awake, so I'm going in to question him, given everything he did before he dropped you into the ocean. You can join us..." he said, just as Coulson walked up beside him.

"He jumped in after us both. And he's saved the team on multiple occasions, when he didn't have to," Leo said. "He's not bad." He'd only faltered in his defence of Ward when the man had dropped him and Jemma into the ocean...but then Ward had come after them and given up his own air tank to do so. So Leo had every intention of making sure they knew where he stood.

Of course, a lot of what happened next probably depended on Ward's own reaction to Fury and Coulson.

Fury just raised an eyebrow at the defense, glancing at Coulson to see what the other man had to say. Better to get any disagreement between the three of them out of the way before confronting Ward. A united front would go further in breaking the other man and possibly getting the answers they needed.

"We should see how far his loyalties to HYDRA go before making any decisions," Coulson said. "But if he saved Fitz and Simmons, then I believe there might be a chance for him. If he's prepared to give us information and turn on the others, I think we could make a deal."

Fury nodded. "You two have been around him the longest. Even if all that time, he was lying, there are some parts of himself he couldn't pretend. I think you'll be best able to tell if he is lying, so watch him carefully as I ask him the questions...."

Coulson nodded and turned to Leo. "We'll make sure the right thing is done," he promised.

Leo nodded, waiting for them to enter the chamber. He couldn't help worrying over Grant's wellbeing....

Grant looked up as the airlock engaged. He waited the needed time for the airlock pressure to reach the same pressure as his room before the door opened and his visitors entered. It wasn't the doctor or nurse that he'd been expecting.

Swallowing hard, his eyes wide and obviously scared, despite his attempt to act like he wasn't bothered, Grant focused on Leo. "Jemma?" he asked, in a voice harshened by nerves.

"She's fine," Leo said. "We both got checked out by the doctors. What about you?" His own eyes were wide with concern and worry. "You tried to reach the surface too fast...you could have died." He swallowed hard, his voice shaking a little.

Coulson noticed the look on Leo's face and the way Leo had defended and continued to defend Ward. So he knew how Leo felt. But it was Ward who was the unknown...who had turned against SHIELD and turned against the team. So Coulson focused his attention on Ward, so he could see the man's reactions to Leo. Asking about Jemma straight away had told him something, but he needed more to go on.

Grant blinked at the concern for him, obviously confused. "All that mattered was helping you two... I thought the pod would float but then it didn't and.... I had to do something.... I don't matter. I deserve whatever happens...."

"We need information from you," Coulson said. "Anything you have on HYDRA. If you cooperate, there's a chance to cut a deal...though we can't let you go free entirely." He needed to make that clear, as they couldn't make any false promises.

At that point, a fourth person was let into the room...Steve Rogers. Captain America. Natasha had informed him of what had happened in SHIELD, so he'd left Brock back at the safehouse to come and help Fury and Coulson question Ward.

Grant started to withdraw mentally.. obviously so... as Coulson told him what they expected. And then Captain America walked into the room and his eyes widened impossibly wide before he sunk into the bed and whimpered in shame. Steve had been a childhood hero, his stance against bullies appealing to a child who had been nothing but bullied. He'd worked for his childhood hero's worst enemy...not eagerly, by any means, but still knowingly.

"I... I can't," he whispered uncertainly. As much as he might want to tell them everything, he still owed Garrett. If he hadn't failed his rescuer so badly, Garrett wouldn't have needed to come to the bus to get what he needed. And if Garrett hadn't come to the bus, none of the rest of the team would have been put in danger. So Grant had failed them too. Just like he'd failed to remain strong and instead let himself be weak by caring about them. The only thing he hadn't failed, that he could take some comfort in, was he hadn't failed to get Fitz and Simmons out of the pod and to safety. Although, given Leo had needed to rescue him and he was the only one hurt badly, he'd probably failed at that too. It was more Fitz's success than his own.

"You're not bad," Leo whispered, voicing the same words he'd said to Fury and Coulson outside of the decompression chamber. "If you were, you wouldn't have jumped into the ocean to save me and Jemma. Or done any of the other things you did to save the rest of the team." He stepped closer to Grant, sitting down on the bed and watching the other man. "I don't think you really wanted to hurt us."

"What I want...wanted...doesn't matter. I had a job. I failed. I was weak..." Grant whispered, his eyes darting around and looking everywhere but at the men in the room with him...the man sitting beside him. His breathing had increased slightly, betraying that he was affected by Leo's words and proximity.

"What was your job, son?" Fury asked bluntly, sternly, clearly expecting an answer.

"Save Garrett..." Grant answered, an almost startled look on his face as he glanced at Fury and answered the tone; one of authority and command instead of anger or cajoling. Grant was clearly rattled and not feeling himself. It hadn't been a lie to say he was as good as Natasha at the job, but he wasn't holding together at all.

"What about HYDRA?" Steve asked, his tone similar to Fury's.

Leo shifted slightly, not sure why his close proximity would make Grant nervous; at least, that's how he read the situation. He was looking over Grant with obvious worry on his face. He wasn't a doctor, but it was clear that he was looking for any signs of injuries.

"I told Garrett we should leave them. Find another way to get him help. If we didn't believe their crap..." he admitted uncertainly. "But he said we needed them, so...." Grant swallowed and flushed, shifting again. He could feel Leo looking at him and he felt ashamed, knowing how badly he'd failed everyone.

"You worked with them, killed numerous good men for them, but you don't believe their crap?" Fury's tone was still authoritative and commanding, but it was also skeptical.

Grant's frayed nerves sparked in irritation and he couldn't seem to help himself when he growled out, "They were going to get him what he needed to live. SHIELD had told him there was nothing they could do. But he knew Coulson had really died and was still alive somehow, so there was something that could help. They just didn't want to give it to him...." A lost look crossed his face. "But one of the biggest bosses of SHIELD... was HYDRA. I never understood why they couldn't get the information without my having to go into Coulson's team...."

"HYDRA will do and say anything to turn people to their side," Steve said. "They would have lied to him about what they could do. It was the easiest way to get their hooks into someone." He sighed and shook his head, glancing towards Fury. "I have some information on the HYDRA agents in SHIELD, but not enough on everyone." He didn't mention Brock's name, not wanting to risk anyone coming after his lover.

"What was wrong with Garrett?" Leo was focused fully on Grant, trying to draw him out...to encourage him to talk. He didn't think about it when he shifted closer to the other man. He tended to be tactile by nature...and he liked Grant. Okay, so Grant had turned against the team, but it sounded like he had reasons for it. And if they could figure out the reasons, maybe they could get Grant to turn to them.

"I... I saw...is Agent Sitwell here?" he whispered furtively, nervously.

"No," Coulson said. "Agent Sitwell is not here." He glanced towards Fury, figuring the director would have come to the same conclusion he had.

Grant swallowed hard. He'd got distracted by who he'd thought was a HYDRA agent lurking nearby and now couldn't focus on the rest of the questions. He looked at Leo uncertainly, knowing the other man had asked him several.

Fury was frowning. "Is Agent Sitwell HYDRA?" he asked, in the same tone he'd been using since beginning.

"Yessir. He met with Garrett and Senator Stern before...before they brought in the Winter Soldier. Garrett told me because I was meant to take them something... But now I'm not there to get it from Garrett...." Grant blinked tiredly. He was finding it impossible to keep his secrets between guilt, pain, exhaustion, and the medication they had him on.

"What were you supposed to take them?" Steve asked.

Leo was eyeing Grant worriedly. "Do you need some pain medication?" Okay, Grant was HYDRA. Okay, he'd betrayed them and turned against them, but...Leo could see he was in pain. And he was worried.

Grant was becoming progressively more nervous... scared.... as the questioning went on. He'd known when he jumped out of the plane that he had chosen to fail his mission because of feelings... but it wasn't until this moment he realized what exactly that meant. He was giving away Garrett's secrets. He was betraying the man who had saved him... his father figure. There would be no returning after this. What would happen to him? What purpose would he have? Who would help him know what to do?! He began to shake his head uncertainly. "I... I don't know! They didn't... I only knew what.... I... I can't...." He very obviously withdrew into himself, his focus on something inside his head, going mute and still except for very fine tremors that coursed through his body. He was lost... alone... what was he going to do? He had to get back to Garrett...had to help his mentor.

Fury could tell they had lost him, at least for the moment, and decided to try some 'tough truths' to snap him back. "Well... Garrett died. After killing a whole lot of people with his bare hands. Deathlok had to take him out. Did you know he'd enhanced himself with that centipede stuff?"

Grant's attention had been returned to the men at the words, but Fury immediately regretted it. Grant had begun sobbing, struggling to break free, had seemingly lost his mind. Fury immediately moved as a nurse rushed in.

"Hold him still!" she ordered, as she attempted to inject Grant with what was obviously a sedative.

Leo's eyes narrowed in concern, but he shifted out of the way to allow Steve to move and hold Grant down. His attention was still focused on Grant, though. As soon as the sedative had been given, he moved slowly to the other man's side and reached out to gently grasp Grant's hand...not sure if it would help, but wanting to offer some form of comfort.

Grant struggled so strongly that, even with his own strength, Steve had difficulty holding him still. Luckily, it only took a minute, though it felt like hours, for the sedative to begin working. Grant was still crying as he slipped into unconsciousness, gripping Leo's hand desperately and facing the other man with a nearly begging look. What he was begging for wasn't clear, but he was obviously asking Leo to help him somehow.

"I had heard rumors about the unhealthy connection between Garrett and his protege, but Ward was such a good agent that I attributed them to jealousy..." Fury muttered, in a subdued voice. The reaction Ward had to the news of Garrett had rattled him.

Coulson nodded his agreement. "I think Ward needs help to become his own person, now that Garrett is no longer a factor. I suspect that if we look further into both of their pasts, we aren't going to like what we find."

"Do you think he can be rehabilitated?" Steve asked. "Because if so, I think keeping him here will do more harm than good. I have a safehouse where I'm staying with three other people. Maybe he'll respond better to a smaller group of people who aren't asking him a lot of questions." He left unsaid that both Brock and Jack had been in similar situations, even if their attachment to HYDRA, or anyone involved in it, wasn't the same as Ward's.

Leo glanced up, still holding onto Grant's hand. "Could I go as well? Maybe he'd find it a bit easier if there's someone else he knows there too...."

Fury looked at Steve. "I trust you, Cap. And if you think it is a good idea, I'll agree to it. But we do need answers from him. If you can get him to talk...."

Steve nodded. "Just give me some time with him." He glanced towards Coulson, to see if the other man would back Fury up.

"Just keep a line of communication open for anything we might need to act on." Coulson turned to Leo. "I'll clear you to go with them, Fitz, but I need you to check in. I guarantee the rest of the team is going to want to be assured that you're safe."

"Of course, sir." Leo nodded quickly.

"I'll find out from the doctors when they expect he'll be safe to take out of this chamber. You can have him then," Fury said, with a hint of satisfaction. This situation really couldn't have gone more in his favor. He knew Steve had people in his safe house he was hiding and he suspected he knew at least one of the individuals. Having Leo and Ward stashed there gave him at least one 'in' for easily passing information back and forth, and would hopefully encourage Steve not to pull away from SHIELD completely.

Steve nodded and took out his phone. He tapped out a quick message to Brock, letting his lover know that they were going to have two extra guests and who they were. "If you let me know his sizes, I'll get some changes of clothes for him," he said to the others.

"You should likely pack up any personal belongings you want to take with you.  I am not certain what is left of Ward's belongings, since we had agents searching for clues and information after he turned," Fury said, turning toward Fitz. "Feel free to go through what is left, salvage what you can...then talk with Steve about what you need to replace. Put it on this..." He handed Steve a credit card.

Steve nodded, taking the credit card from Fury.

"Yeah...okay." Leo gently let go of Grant's hand and stood. "I'll get everything packed up." He wasn't sure if Grant had any personal belongings outside of clothing, but if there was anything, he'd make sure that went with them as well.

"I doubt he'll be waking up any time soon, so I'll start things moving for him to go with you," Fury said to Steve. "You two probably have a lot to talk about with your team," he said to Coulson.

A nurse had come into the room at that point and began to shoo them out.

Coulson nodded. "Let's go, Fitz." He headed out, with Leo following him.

Steve left as well, making sure he kept his lover updated about when he'd be returning.

***

Grant wasn't aware of what plans had been made. Fury had determined that he would be less likely to argue or try to escape if he didn't know. He had been told he would be moved to a safe location, where he wouldn't have to worry about retaliation. When the nitrogen in his blood had finally worked its way out and the pressure in his room matched the pressure outside the chamber, the doctor had deemed him safe to move.

Fury walked in, Leo, Steve, and Coulson behind him. "You're going to the safe house now. Get dressed. We'll escort you to your transportation," he ordered, nodding at Leo to hand Ward the clothes he'd chosen for him.

Leo moved forward and held the clothes out to Grant, giving the other man what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "I packed the rest of your clothes too. They're coming with us." He didn't give more information than that, but hoped that knowing someone he knew was going would help Grant.

Grant took the offered clothing, giving Leo then the others an uncertain look. "Y... You're going with me?" he finally asked, his voice still a little rough from disuse. He stripped off the hospital gown reluctantly, as all four were watching him intently and it put all his wounds and bruises on full display. Knowing Garrett had beaten him to sell a role was a far cry from seeing how brutal the beating had actually been. His nakedness didn't bother, him though, and he couldn't help but pause as he picked up the clothing to dress.

Fitz had brought new items and while it was of a style and comfort level on a par for what he'd buy himself...and the outer clothing looked like something he'd have bought...the underwear and socks were not something he would have bought. They were brightly colored, with cheerful little smiley faces printed all over the briefs. He looked up at Leo, blushing darkly and shaking his head at the joke, but began to put them on anyway, a crooked grin fighting to escape. If Fitz was teasing him, then that meant maybe their friendship could be saved.

Leo smiled at Grant, happy that the reaction was a more positive one. "I'm going with you," he said. "You saved me and Jemma. I want to take care of you." It was a similar comment to the one he'd made when they'd both gone on the mission. Learning the truth hadn't changed things for him. He still liked and cared about Grant. The sight of the wounds on Grant's body clearly bothered him and he bit his lip, wondering if he should push for medical attention...or maybe he could take a look at them once they were at the safehouse? He wasn't a doctor, but he was pretty sure he could help treat cuts and bruises.

Grant swallowed at the words, quickly putting on the rest of the clothing and shoes. "You shouldn't want to..." he finally whispered. "After everything I did...."

Fury interrupted at this point. "Well, lucky for you, it isn't a choice you get to make. I've done a bit more digging, Ward. And I've got a lot of questions. I suggest you talk to your buddy here. Talk to Steve. Come clean about everything. They say confession is good for the soul, after all....'

Grant gave Fury a confused look. It sounded almost like the director was worried about him, but that made no sense, so he didn't think on it over long.

Leo stepped a bit closer to Grant. "Do you need to eat before we leave?" he asked. "Cause I packed some food. If you're hungry, you don't have to wait until we get to the safehouse."

Grant's confused look turned to Leo before he blinked and gave an almost bashful smile. "No... Thank you. I haven't had much of an appetite and they gave me breakfast right before you showed up, so...."

"Okay. But if you get hungry, I have food. And there should be plenty of food where we're going, so...." Leo smiled at Grant. "Just let me know if you need anything else and I'll get it for you."

"We've got a car waiting outside," Steve said. "We should go now." He headed towards the door, keeping his steps slow enough so that both Leo and Grant would be easily able to keep pace with him.

Grant kept up. He was mostly recovered, with only small twinges of pain. And he was used to ignoring pain much greater. His eyes were centered on Leo and Steve, though. He could feel the weight of everyone's stares as they made their way to the vehicle. He knew if he hadn't been with the other two men, he'd be risking a knife in the back. He wasn't entirely certain it couldn't happen anyway.

Leo kept pace with Grant, watching the other man anxiously, ready to call a stop if it looked like Grant needed to rest. He didn't really relax even as they reached the car, though, moving to offer Grant some help into the backseat.

Grant didn't say anything about being helped. He wasn't used to being hovered over, or having someone actually show worry about him. None of the team would have dared before, afraid of offending him. And Garrett would just tell him to man up if he couldn't take care of himself. It... It was nice, so he didn't say anything, giving Leo a small nod and whispered thank you at the help.

Leo smiled brightly at Grant's positive responses to his help and, once Grant was settled, he got in the backseat as well.

Steve got in the driver's seat and put his seatbelt on, then began driving towards the safe house.

"Why?" Grant finally whispered, after they'd been driving for at least twenty minutes. He had no clue how close they were to the safe house. "Why help me? Doing the right thing, finally, doesn't undo all the wrong I did...."

"But you did other good things too," Leo said. "You jumped out of a plane to save Jemma. I don't think you're a bad person."

"Coulson and Fury agree," Steve said. "This is about rehabilitation. Not punishment or imprisonment."

"You really think I can be saved? That it isn't too late for me?" Grant's voice was uncertain and tight. He was very close to crying. Too much had happened since Skye was shot (even before she was shot, given he was still having dreams from the Berserker staff and had fading claw marks on his back from Lorelei), and Garrett had shown up on the bus. Grant hadn't dealt with any of it; hadn't really had time to deal with any of it.

Leo reached out and gently took hold of Grant's hand. "I never believed you're a bad person, even if you did some bad things. Other people have done bad things, too, and they got second chances. You should as well."

"A couple of them are actually at the safe house," Steve said. "You might find it helpful to talk to them." They were getting close to their destination now, so he took out his phone and tapped out a quick message to Brock...letting his lover know they were nearly there.

Grant looked at his and Leo's joined hands, but couldn't bring himself to let go. "You've always looked for the best in me..." he acknowledged. He regulated his breathing as they pulled into the garage, waiting until Steve had turned off the car and closed the garage door to get out of the car. He was very nervous, but forced himself to act like he wasn't.

Brock carefully stepped into the garage as soon as he knew the door was closed, moving into Steve's arms and giving him a chaste kiss, then glanced at Ward in surprise. "Never thought I'd see the day you turned on Garrett..." he said quietly.

Steve wrapped his arms around Brock, saying quietly to his lover, "Garrett is no longer a problem."

Leo got out of the car and stepped round to Grant's side. "Is there a bed he can rest in?" he asked hopefully. "I'm not sure you got much sleep, if any, in that decompression chamber." He looked towards Grant.

Grant had a stricken look on his face at Brock's words, feelings of failure and guilt overcoming him. "Garrett is dead..." he said softly. He looked at Leo. "I never sleep much anyway..." He shrugged faintly.

Brock blinked and gave Steve an uncertain look, not sure how to respond, or even if he should.

Leo frowned in obvious concern. "That's not very healthy. Is it bad dreams that keep you awake? Maybe it'll help if I stay in the room with you?" he suggested.

Steve gently wrapped his arm around Brock's waist. "He's here for rehabilitation and a second chance," he said softly. "Figure we can get him and Leo settled, then they can meet Bucky and Jack."

Grant's eyes widened in surprise at the offer. "You... You wouldn't mind?" he asked hesitantly. Ever since the Berserker staff, he had been having nightmares. The only time he'd been able to sleep was when he'd worn himself out. May had helped a great deal with that. So had Lorelei. He didn't know if just having Fitz in the room would help, but he was ready to try.

Brock nodded. "So he really did turn on Garrett?"

"I want to help you," Leo said, simply and honestly. "I care about you." He gently brushed his shoulder against Grant's, then stepped round to collect his and Grant's packs from the car.

"After Garrett wanted him to drop Fitz and Simmons into the ocean. He did it, but immediately jumped in afterwards to save them." Steve waited for Leo to re-emerge with the packs and then said, "I'll show to your room. After you get settled in, you can meet the others who are here."

Grant swallowed, turning wide eyes toward Steve, and nodded. Steve made what he did sound good. He was glad to have attempted to save FitzSimmons, though he felt it was his fault they needed saving. He couldn't help feeling like he'd done wrong helping them too. His actions had harmed Garrett, after all. He was confused and conflicted.

Still keeping in close physical contact with Brock, Steve led them into the house and headed up the stairs, to the one remaining bedroom in the safehouse.

Leo stuck close to Grant as they followed Steve to their room.

"Guess it's good you wanna share... Since there's only one bedroom left," Grant tried to joke. He swallowed again, noting there was only one bed. "I'll take the floor..." he said quietly.

Leo glanced at the bed and then looked at Grant. "You don't have to," he said. "I mean, the bed's plenty big enough that we could share. If you'd be okay with that."

"It... It could be dangerous," Grant reluctantly admitted, with a flush.

"There's always sleeping meds...or ties... Not like there aren't enough people to protect. You don't have to worry about protecting. Let us take care of you..." Brock suggested. "Speaking of which, did you get rid of the tracker? Garrett was possessive enough, I'm sure he put one in you."

Grant looked up, scared. "I didn't think of that... I don't know!"

"Hey...it's okay." Leo put the packs down and reached out to take Grant's hand. "I brought some of my tech with me. There's a scanner that'll pick up a tracker, or anything else implanted that shouldn't be, so you should tell me if you've got any pins or similar inside you. But the scanner will tell us if there's a tracker in you."

Grant nodded rapidly and quickly told Leo of the five places he had pins in his body.

"Okay." Leo gently guided Grant over to the bed and helped him to sit down. Then, he moved over to his pack and removed the scanner. Heading back to Grant's side, he began to run the scanner over the other man's body...avoiding the places where Grant had told him the pins were.

"Mine and Jack's trackers were in the fleshy part of our hip. Had to take off our pants to cut 'em out," Brock offered helpfully.

Grant huffed slightly. "Sounds about right," he muttered, before rolling over so Leo could scan that part of his body.

"If it can be got out without causing much damage to it, it could be used to send anyone who might try to track us in a completely different direction," Leo commented, shifting to scan that area.

Grant groaned as the scanner immediately beeped. "Can't believe I was so stupid to forget it...."

"If you get it out, I can take it and send it on a trip from the bus stop. If that's alright, sir?" Brock looked at Steve for permission.

Steve nodded. "That would be a good idea," he agreed. He left the room, returning quickly with what he needed to get the tracker out. "Do you need to be held still?" he asked Grant.

"No, sir. I can take it..." Grant assured everyone. He'd held still for beatings, after all.

Steve nodded and moved over to clean and disinfect the skin before he began to cut the tracker out.

Almost automatically, Leo stepped over...fully intending to bandage the cut as soon as Steve was finished. He didn't think, just followed his instincts to take care of Grant like he'd promised.

Grant closed his eyes and breathed deep, not moving at all as he was cut and had the tracker removed. He continued to stay still as Leo tended the fresh wound.

Brock took the tracker from his mate and quickly left to 'lose' the tracker at the bus station.

Leo finished bandaging the wound and then said, quietly, "I noticed a lot of other injuries on you when you were getting changed. I'd like to check them and treat any that need it."

Grant looked over his shoulder at Leo. "It isn't necessary, but if you want to...what do you need me to do?"

"You just need to take your clothes off," Leo replied. "So I can get a better look at them." He noticed Steve slip out of the room quietly...and also noticed that the Captain had left more supplies behind. Apparently, Steve had had a similar thought to Leo.

Grant sighed silently, but got up and removed all his clothes. It wasn't like he was shy about his body, beyond not wanting people to see his wounds. But Leo had already seen, so it was pointless to argue. "Where do you want me?" he asked.

"I saw them on your front and back, so if you're comfortable standing, that'd be better for me to get to them," Leo replied. "Otherwise, you can sit and move as needed."

Grant just quietly stood so that Leo could get to his body. He didn't explain the wounds. He hadn't really allowed himself a lot of time to think about them and what they represented, but now...he found himself ashamed of them. The ones from Lorelei represented his failure in keeping her out of his head (no matter what Garrett had thought). The ones from Garrett represented how much of a failure he was to his leader. He'd deserved each and every mark put on him. After what he'd done to Fitz, he figured he deserved a few from him as well, but instead, Fitz was taking care of him.

Fitz bit his lip as he began to treat the injuries. It was obvious that a lot of them had been neglected. It was also just as obvious that Grant had been beaten by someone. "Who gave you all of these injuries?" For the first time, he was feeling the stirrings of anger. It wasn't at Grant...but more at what had been done to the other man.

Grant gave Fitz a slightly nervous look at the tone, but he kept still and didn't pull away. "...Which ones?" he finally asked hesitantly. "The cuts or the bruises?"

"Both." Leo frowned. "I don't understand how you were able to hide these cuts and bruises. You can't do that again."

Grant blinked at that. "Wasn't thinking about it...hiding when you are hurt during an op is expected...." He shrugged faintly, not understanding why Fitz was upset. As far as he knew, everyone had their injuries. Garrett had made it clear he should never admit any weakness, and injuries were the ultimate weakness.

"I don't expect it," Leo said. "If you're wounded, or injured in any way, you need to let me know. Even if it's a really minor injury, like a bruise or a scratch." Frowning, he added, "Of course, from now on, you shouldn't be doing any ops that could cause you to get injured anyway." Even as he was speaking, he continued to treat the injuries.

Ward winced at those words, realizing he was no longer an agent. And likely never would be again. "I doubt I'll get scratched like that again..." he said, in an attempt to joke.

"I'll make sure of it." Leo's voice wasn't joking. It was entirely serious. He'd finished treating the injuries and the wounds, but he didn't direct Grant to dress. This was the first time he'd had the chance to properly see the other man without clothing...the brief period of undress in the decompression chamber didn't count...and he found his eyes drawn to Grant's bare chest. Without conscious thought, he reached out...running a finger along the other man's bare skin.

There were other marks on Grant's skin; old scars, wounds that looked like they might not have healed properly. And Grant had already indicated that he'd broken bones so badly to need pins five times in the past.

"Was it Garrett who hurt you?" Leo asked softly, his hand still on Grant's chest.

Grant's breath caught at the gentle touch and he had to think about breathing normally. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been touched in such a way, if it had ever occurred. His member twitched at the sensation and he flushed in embarrassment, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away or cover up.

And then Leo's question hung in the air between them.

It would have been easy to make up lies; he'd been on enough missions before joining Coulson's team that Leo wouldn't have known if it was truth or lies. But he didn't want to lie. Not anymore. Not to Leo. But he didn't want to answer, either. He could just say he didn't want to answer. It wasn't like Leo could force him. "Do I have to tell you?" He winced. He hadn't meant to ask that.

Leo took a step closer to Grant, more into his personal space, and let his hand continue to gently stroke over Grant's chest...almost exploring it. "I think it'll help me to understand you more. To care for you. If I know what you've gone through."

Grant closed his eyes at the closeness and tensed very slightly, but couldn't bring himself to pull away. The gentleness felt good.

"S... Some of it was Garrett..." he admitted, in a shaky voice.

Leo frowned at that, but he stepped closer...allowing his other hand to gently touch Grant's skin as well; careful to avoid the injuries he'd just treated. "I know him dying hurt you emotionally, but he shouldn't have hurt you physically. I don't know what excuse he made, but he shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have hurt you."

Grant opened his eyes, slanting his head in confusion. "He only did it if I messed up, to teach me not to fail and be stronger..." he whispered. "The worst ones aren't even from him...."

"That's not how you learn to be strong," Leo disagreed quietly, before asking, "What about the others?" He was still gently touching and stroking, barely thinking about it. He was close to Grant...physically close enough to feel the other man's body warmth. Only another step and their bodies would be able to press together.

"...Scratches came from Lorelei... The other scars..." He glanced away, reluctant to say because of what it said about him and his home life, but answered anyway. "...Father. Older brother. Sometimes mother, if she drank enough...."

"I'm sorry," Leo said quietly. "You shouldn't have had to go through that." He did move closer then, sliding his arms around Grant and hugging tightly...almost protectively. "But I meant what I said. I'll take care of you. No one will hurt you again," he said.

Grant quivered, flushing darkly. Fitz's rubbing had caused him to become aroused and while he could pretend it wasn't obvious as long as Fitz kept a little distance, there was no way he wouldn't notice pressed against Grant in a hug. Still...he didn't pull away, instead allowing himself to slump into Leo and accept the hug, his head resisting on Leo's shoulder. "I'm supposed to protect you..." he protested, in a small voice.

Leo wrapped his arms tighter around Grant. He could feel the other man's erection, but it wasn't an immediate concern or worry. He knew that a person's body could be aroused even against their will. "It's my turn to protect you," he said. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you." His hands rubbed gently down Grant's back, carefully avoiding the scratches that had been left there.

"You already have...do..." Grant whispered, thinking of the mission they'd hone on. "Better than I have...." He wrapped his arms around Leo and held on, suddenly feeling close to tears and not understanding why.

"And I'm going to continue doing that," Leo said quietly. "I care about you, Grant. I'm pretty sure the feeling's mutual, because you nearly died trying to save me and Jemma." He was still holding on tightly, letting his head rest gently against Grant's.

"I... I couldn't let you die. You're so good, and smart, and... I do care. I cared so much, I couldn't obey my orders. I couldn't stop caring... Even though it made me weak and fail, I couldn't stop...." Grant nearly babbled.

"It doesn't mean either of those things," Leo disagreed. "Caring about someone makes you stronger, not weaker, because then you have a reason to keep trying hard. You have someone you want to push yourself to be the very best you can be for. And that's how I feel about you." He was completely open and honest.

"But I was... even though I loved you, I still did everything that would hurt you. I wasn't strong enough to do the right thing..." Grant finally lost control of the tears he'd been fighting, his cheeks soon wet. He didn't even realize what he'd admitted.

Leo's eyes widened a fraction at the words, at the confession, but then he gently guided Grant to the bed and sat, pulling the other man closer to cuddle him more tightly and in a more comfortable position for both of them. "You did do the right thing," he said firmly. "Even if it wasn't immediately, you came down. I couldn't have got us both out. There was only enough oxygen for one of us to reach the surface, and I would have given it to Jemma. You saved me."

Grant clung to Leo, needing to believe what he was being told. "I was afraid for you..." he whispered. "Garrett wanted you dead and I couldn't think. I had to save you, but then I almost killed you anyway..." He choked on the words, the tears turning rougher as the pent up emotion of several days finally burst out.

"You didn't. You saved me." Leo cuddled Grant tighter, his hands rubbing gently down over the other man's back. "You're not a bad person, Grant," he whispered. "And you don't need to worry about being forced into doing anything like that again. I'm here and I'm not letting go. I'm going to take care of you. I love you too," he said.

"I don't know how to do the right thing, though...not if I wasn't told what to do..." Grant pressed closer. "Jumping after you was the first time I made a choice for myself in a long time...."

"But you did make the right decision then," Leo said. "You just need some help in knowing and figuring out what the right decision to make is. So it's a good job I'm here," he said gently. "Because I can help you."

"You'll help me?" Grant didn't bother keeping the hope out of his voice. He hadn't said anything, even he knew his dependence on Garrett hadn't been normal, but ever since learning of Garrett's death, he'd been borderline terrified at wondering how he would know what to do.

"Of course," Leo replied, immediately and without hesitation. "I'll look after you. Take care of you. And I think we're in a really good place for you to recover," he added. "Anything I can't provide, I'm sure Captain America can."

"Feel better when it's you..." Grant admitted, almost bashfully.

Leo smiled at the words. They made him happy. "That's the intention. Steve will help if needed, but it's going to mainly be me. Because I'm here for you. And I'm not going to leave. We're staying together."

Grant looked up at that, pressing his forehead to Leo's. '"Thank you."

"I want to be there for you," Leo whispered. "I love you."

Grant smiled at that. "Even after everything I did wrong... I'm lucky you don't hate me." Swallowing hard, he hesitantly kissed Leo's cheek.

"I could never hate you." Leo nuzzled against and then kissed Grant's cheek in turn.

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. "Brock is back and Steve wants everyone to meet up. Go over some things and do something about dinner, if you want to join us downstairs," an unfamiliar voice called through the door.

"We'll be down in a few minutes," Leo replied. He hugged Grant a bit tighter before he moved to collect the other man's clothes, so Grant could dress.

Grant furtively wiped at his eyes and face before putting on the smiley face underwear and socks again. He couldn't help the tiny huff of amusement as he pulled them into place. He didn't try and hide the fact he was still aroused, but he ignored it. He was used to ignoring his body's needs; if he could ignore hunger and thirst until more opportune times, ignoring the ache in his member until it naturally went down was nothing. He slid the jeans and T-shirt on after, then put on his boots. "Do I need to wash my face?" he asked Leo, not sure if all the signs of him crying were gone. Or if he should wash them away. Maybe it would help his position if the others saw he'd been crying.

"It does look like you've been crying," Leo said. "It might be worth trying to wash your face, though I think it might still be obvious." Once Grant was dressed, Leo reached out to wrap an arm around him.

Grant leaned into Leo. "We can stop by the washroom on the way down..." he whispered.

Leo nodded. "Yeah. We'll do that," he agreed. Keeping his arm wrapped around Grant, he guided the other man out of their room.

***

Five minutes later, Grant was following Leo downstairs.

Jack looked up from where he sat on the couch leaning on Bucky. "Afternoon..." He nodded.

Grant stopped suddenly when he realized who was in the room.

"It's okay," Bucky said calmly, his arm wrapped around Jack's shoulders. "Brock and Jack are in a similar situation to you. They defected from HYDRA and joined Steve and me."

Steve stepped through from the kitchen. "You hungry?" he asked Leo and Grant.

Grant flushed. It wasn't Jack that had surprised him, really. It was Bucky. Maybe it shouldn't have; he'd heard the whispers about the Winter Soldier disappearing before, when he was with Garrett. He just nodded. "Yeah... I'm hungry...."

"Do you need any help?" Leo asked Steve.

"No, it's all fine," Steve replied. "Make yourselves comfortable." He nodded towards the other seats.

Grant shifted, letting Leo choose a seat and following him.

Leo moved over to the smaller sofa, so that he and Grant could sit close together.

Bucky noticed. "Have you formed a relationship?" he asked. "If so, you'll fit in well with us."

Grant's eyes widened and he looked at Leo in confusion. "I... I don't know... Are we?"

Leo looked at Grant and reached out to take his hand. "I figured we're getting to that point. I mean, I feel that way about you," he said honestly. "That I'd like to be in a relationship with you."

Grant swallowed, then nodded. "Yeah. Okay..." He smiled crookedly.

Brock chuckled. "Are you exactly like us?"

"What do you mean?" Leo asked, confused by the question.

"You don't..." Brock gave Steve a nervous look, wondering if he wasn't supposed to talk about it.

Jack grinned at Bucky and leaned over to kiss him before saying, "We have a very particular way of relating to each other."

Steve smiled at his mate and wrapped his arms around Brock's waist. "It's okay to talk about it," he said. "It's not something to be ashamed or embarrassed about."

"We're in Dominant and submissive relationships," Bucky explained, as he snaked his flesh arm around Jack's waist to draw his mate in closer.

Grant wasn't sure how to react to that. "I... I don't know that I'd like being tied up or having whips or floggers involved..." he said uncertainly.

Jack coughed and blushed. "Um... We are talking Dominance and submission as a lifestyle, not just for sex...."

"It's more that one is in charge and the other follows," Steve explained. "I'm not a dictator and neither is Bucky, but if there's a disagreement, for instance, then the one in charge is the one who ultimately makes the decision."

"Oh... That doesn't sound bad..." Grant said, not realizing how wistful he sounded. The idea of not having directions or goals, now that Garrett was gone, bothered him more than he'd admitted.

Leo glanced at Grant, noticing the wistfulness. "Is that something you think you might need?" he asked quietly.

Grant gave Leo a startled look, then looked down, ashamed, his eyes tearing up, even though he was obviously trying to 'act' like he would have before everything fell apart. He finally gave up pretending he was normal when he realized he had to breathe through his mouth due to tears and he was visibly shaking. "I... I don't know what to do... How to act... Who... Who to be..." he finally admitted. "I don't know what I need. What I needed has never been important," he finished, in a tiny, scared, hopeless voice.

Leo immediately wrapped his arms around Grant in a tight hug. "I know it was never a priority before, but it is now. And it is to me," he whispered. "And it's okay if you don't yet know what you need or even want. We can figure that out as we go."

"I'm pathetic, and weak, and, and wrong. Everything about me is wrong...." Grant's breathing was erratic as he started to panic. He clung to Leo like a lifeline.

Jack glanced toward Bucky, then Steve, and whispered, "Did... Did you all have a professional talk to him? This seems like more than just events catching up to him...."

Brock leaned into his master. "Rumor in HYDRA was that Garrett didn't recruit him the normal way. Of course, we never dared ask, but...."

"We didn't really have much time to arrange anything more than getting him here, where he would be safe and able to be rehabilitated," Steve said, just as quietly. "But getting in a professional to talk to him would be a good idea."

Leo tightened his arms around Grant, letting his fingers run gently through the other man's hair. "You're none of those things," he disagreed quietly. "You just need help. And it probably feels really scary right now, but you're not facing it alone. You're not facing anything alone. I'm here," he whispered, his voice low and intense.

"You won't give up on me? You forgive me for... for... I'm so sorry..." Grant hid his face against Leo's shoulder, all but crawling onto the other man's lap to burrow close.

"I forgive you. I won't give up on you. I've got you." Leo spoke the words without hesitation. He held tightly onto Grant, brushing his lips against the other man's hair. "I've got you," he repeated reassuringly.

Grant slowly calmed down at Leo's reassurances, snuggling with the scientist; something he would have never allowed himself to do with anyone else before, but he needed the comfort too much to behave the way he was trained.

Brock cleared his throat when he thought Grant would be able to hear him. "I know a lot of things were confusing to me, when I turned myself over to Steve. Having him be in charge helped. I wasn't afraid I was doing the wrong things or making bad choices, because I was doing what he told me to do. He was choosing for me and since I knew he wouldn't choose bad things...."

Jack snuggled close to Bucky. "Same here. I trust Bucky's judgement, because even under all the layers of what HYDRA did to him, he's a good person who gravitates to good. He listens to me and then somehow makes sense of my input and makes the best decisions...."

"We'll try it out and see how it goes." Leo worded it like a statement, not a question. If Grant would do better with someone else taking control, asking him wouldn't do any good. It wasn't a situation that Leo had ever considered he'd be in before, but the alternative was allowing Grant to flounder without guidance or direction...something that would clearly end with him sinking. And Leo couldn't do that to the man he cared so deeply about.

At Leo's decision, Grant visibly relaxed. The fact he didn't have to make such a huge decision when he felt so lost was an obvious comfort. "Yeah... Okay... " he whispered, still snuggling.

Jack cleared his throat. "I...can begin dinner. If that's okay?" He looked at Bucky.

Bucky nodded. "I think we could all do with some dinner." He gave his mate permission.

Kissing Bucky on the cheek, Jack stood and went to the kitchen to start making the meal.

Brock glanced at Steve, asking for permission to help his brother. Receiving it, he quickly followed Jack.

Grant just continued to snuggle with Leo, the novelty of not having to pretend he didn't need or want the affection causing him to be very clingy and demonstrative.

"We can eat in here," Steve said. "That way, neither of you have to move." He noticed that Grant was being very clingy and figured being able to stay physically close to Leo would help him.

"Thank you," Grant murmured against Leo's shoulder.

It was only about twenty minutes they sat in companionable silence, Grant taking advantage of Leo's willingness to hold him. Soon, Jack and Brock were returning with a platter of sandwiches and fruit.

"Hope this is okay. Figured we could go shopping and get food everyone likes to make for later meals..." Jack said.

"It's fine. Thank you." Leo gently touched Grant's shoulder. "If you sit up a little, we can both eat and I can still hold onto you," he said.

Sniffling slightly, Grant did as Leo suggested, shifting so they could eat but were still touching. "H... How long have you all been together?" he asked hesitantly.

"Since HYDRA made its first move inside SHIELD," Steve responded, indicating himself and Brock. "A lot of their agents were sent to take me out. Including Brock. But he turned on them and fought alongside me instead."

Jack smiled at Bucky. "We got together not much after they did."

Grant nodded. "Anything else we should know?"

"Maybe you should know the way we sometimes deal with things," Bucky said. "We told you that we're in dominant and submissive relationships. That also includes discipline when it's necessary. Specifically, spanking."

"Not for fun?" Grant asked hesitantly

Jack shook his head. "If I do something dangerous...or disobey without good reason, Bucky turns me over his knee and punishes me. Not fun at all...."

"It does work, though," Steve commented. "It allows for a clean slate. Nothing being held over their heads."

Leo didn't comment, but he was listening...and also paying attention to Grant's reactions. 

"So...if you mess up...no bruises you have to keep hidden? Or other injuries?" Grant sounded skeptical.

Brock gave a worried glance at Ward before looking at Steve. "A spanking only hurts enough to get my attention and remind me who I'm meant to obey. It doesn't damage me at all...."

"It doesn't cause permanent or even lasting harm," Steve said. "It's not about crippling, or forcing obedience through pain and fear. A spanking is a personal punishment. For me, and I expect Bucky too, it allows me to draw Brock closer to me. It's about teaching and training."

By this point, Leo had finished eating. He wrapped his arms around Grant once more, listening intently...wondering if it was the kind of discipline the other man would benefit from. It was obvious that Grant felt guilty about what he had done...maybe a personal punishment, designed to draw him closer, would benefit both of them?

"Never had anything like that before..." Grant said quietly. "If I was being punished, it was so I'd know how badly I screwed up and how upset they were at me..." He shrugged uncertainly.

"Yeah, well...this isn't like that. Steve won't do it if he is too upset at me. Not till he calms down," Brock stated.

"It isn't about causing pain or humiliation," Bucky commented. "Just about drawing us closer. And it helps with guilt, too." He drew Jack more firmly against him.

"So...you told us this because...?" Grant wasn't upset by it. He could tell that both couples needed it. They loved each other. It wasn't about hurting.

Jack laughed softly. "Because you will likely at least hear, even if you don't see, it occurring, and we didn't want to spook or worry you."

"Plus..." Brock continued, giving Grant a considering look. "It's obvious you feel guilty and...well...."

Leo wasn't surprised by Brock's comment. He'd seen the guilt himself. Hugging Grant a bit tighter, he said softly, "I've forgiven you for what you did, but maybe a spanking will at least help you make a start at forgiving yourself?"

Grant had a hard time believing it wouldn't hurt worse than they were suggesting. He'd been physically punished for as long as he could remember and he never walked away from it without bruising, at the least. He didn't know how a spanking would be effective to get rid of his guilt, either. But...they said it brought them closer together, and Leo seemed to think it was worth trying. And Grant thought anything that would make Leo happy and want to stay with him, instead of giving up on him like he deserved, would be worth it. "If you think it's a good idea..." he finally whispered, putting the decision in Leo's hands.

Leo nodded, gently nuzzling against Grant's neck. "I think it's worth trying," he said softly. "Especially if it could help you."

Grant slumped against Leo further at the affection. "Okay...." He sighed. He'd have accepted a beating from Leo if the other man had thought it deserved. He thought a spanking would be easy. 

"Did you finish eating?" Leo asked softly, stroking his hand down Grant's back.

"Yes .. thank you." Grant gave Leo a tiny smile.

Leo smiled. "Good." He let his fingers run through Grant's hair. "Do you want to stay down here a bit longer? Or go upstairs?"

Grant thought about it and realized he'd reached his limit at bring surrounded by men he didn't know well and who had every reason to distrust and hate him, even if they didn't. "Can we go back to the room?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course." Leo stood and then reached to help Grant to stand, wrapping his arm around the other man's shoulders. "We'll see you later," he said to the others, before leading Grant from the room.

Grant leaned into Leo as they walked. "Thank you," he said gratefully. "Was beginning to feel anxious..." he admitted.

Leo nodded. "I guessed. You've never really been that comfortable around a lot of people," he observed.

"Yeah. I always had to force myself not to get too anxious when I was constantly surrounded by people on the bus...came off as being surly or like a robot..." Grant said sheepishly.

"I mean, it's pretty obvious now you were dealing with a lot," Leo said quietly. "I think they were right, about you talking to a therapist." He guided Grant into their room and closed the door.

"If you want me to..." Grant shrugged faintly. "I guess it couldn't hurt."

"I think it would help you," Leo replied seriously. Gently squeezing around Grant's shoulders, he led him to the bed.

"It would need to be someone you trust... I have a hard time trusting anyone. Except you...." Grant quietly moved where Leo led.

"I'm glad you trust me," Leo said quietly. He reached the bed and sat down, drawing Grant down next to him.

"Are...are you going to spank me?" Grant blurted out nervously. He noticeably didn't pull away, shifting closer to Leo.

Leo nodded. "I can tell you feel guilty. I don't blame you and I forgive you. But I want to help you forgive yourself. Or at least to be able to make a start."

"I don't understand how spanking will help, but I know I deserve something," Grant acknowledged. "I... The pod was supposed to float...but it didn't. If I hadn't impulsively jumped after you, you or Jemma...you would have been hurt badly, if not killed..." Grant's voice broke, as he'd begin crying again.

Leo didn't say anything else. It was obvious that Grant felt guilty and Leo wanted to help him. He stroked down Grant's arms, then carefully and slowly drew the other man across his lap. Once Grant was settled in place, as comfortable as it was possible to be, Leo bared him.

Grant let out a tiny, choked sob as he was made bare, but didn't try to get away. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Leo's leg and held tightly. "I'm sorry..." he cried

"I know," Leo soothed. "And I forgive you. I love you, Grant. You don't need to let the guilt tear you apart. In the end, when it mattered, you did the right thing." He lifted his hand and brought it down in a firm, though not too hard, swat.

The smack was barely a blip on the pain threshold Grant was used to. Still... It was his friend and potential lover causing the pain, who was giving forgiveness and love along with it, instead of recriminations and disgust. Emotionally it was too difficult and, to his shame, he began vocally crying within the first few smacks.

"I've got you, Grant. I'm right here for you. I won't ever leave you alone," Leo promised, even as he continued delivering the swats, from the crest down to mid-thigh, before starting over from the top. He knew Grant had experienced far worse pain...but then again, this wasn't about pain. It was about helping the man he cared about, the man he loved, begin to heal. Even one tiny step was better than nothing.

"Y.. you got me..." Grant choked out, between crying. "Be yours forever..." he promised. If he'd been 'Garrett's Man' before, he was more so Fitz's now. He wouldn't follow Fitz because he owed him. He'd follow because he trusted and loved him. And he'd accept any punishment Leo felt deserved or necessary.

"You're good, Grant." Leo spoke quietly but insistenty. "I know you made mistakes, but you did the right thing where it counted the most. I am never going to leave you." He completed the second circuit of swats and began a third, going a fraction harder and faster.

By this point, Grant's backside stung badly enough he knew sitting would be uncomfortable for at least a while after Leo finished. It wasn't close to the pain he'd experienced in the past from punishment, but Leo's constant words of support and caring caused it to have more of effect. He slumped over Leo's lap and just accepted the swats while crying hard. He couldn't say anything. All he could do was submit.

Leo couldn't make himself continue, not after Grant had submitted so completely. He stopped spanking and helped Grant up once more, cuddling the other man close and tight in his arms...almost on his lap.

Grant pressed as close to Leo as he could, not caring that he was still half naked. The only reason he didn't crawl onto Leo's lap was because Leo hadn't indicated it was acceptable. Grant just needed the physical closeness to affirm what Leo was telling him. He shivered as he tried to calm his emotions. "What's wrong with me...? Can't control myself anymore...keep crying and getting over-emotional," he said, in a small voice.

"You've been through a lot," Leo murmured. "It's not surprising that it's going to hit you hard." Able to see that Grant needed the closeness, he settled the other man onto his lap, gently nuzzling and then kissing the side of his face. "You don't need to force yourself to be in control. Not anymore."

"You don't care if I'm weak?" Grant sniffled, nuzzling against Leo before kissing his shoulder hesitantly, not sure Leo wanted his affection too.

"You aren't weak," Leo disagreed. "You're struggling to survive when you've been left adrift." He shifted nearer to Grant...accepting and encouraging the affection.

Grant sighed at Leo adjusting him and accepting his own affection. He continued to nuzzle and kiss, pressing as close as possible. "You understand me...understand what I need...better than I do myself," he whispered. He blushed as his body also responded to what he was doing in a very noticeable way.

Leo brushed a kiss against Grant's hair, rubbing his hands gently down the other man's back. "I want to give you everything you need. Everything you want," he murmured.

"And when I don't know what I need or want?" Grant asked helplessly. "My whole purpose in life has been to forward John's goals...save him, no matter the cost... Since I was fifteen. I don't know how to need or want... I was taught to ignore anytime I did...."

"We have time to figure that out," Leo pointed out. "We're in a safe house, with other people who can understand what's going on. I don't expect you to suddenly be able to recognise what you need or want. I expect us to work on figuring that out together."

Grant nodded. "Yeah...okay. Safe here..." he whispered.

"You're safe here. We're both safe here." Leo brushed a gentle kiss against Grant's neck.

Grant slanted his head so Leo had better access to his neck and quivered. "Do...do you need anything from me? I want to do something for you...show how grateful I am..." he said earnestly.

"Grant...I don't need anything from you," Leo said softly. "Apart from what you're doing already: trusting me and letting me take care of you. I don't expect anything in return."

Grant bit his lip, afraid he might have offended Leo with the way he'd worded it. "I don't mind doing things for you... For the first time in my life, giving myself to someone wouldn't just be a mission. I'd... I'd like it too..." he said nervously. Maybe he wasn't supposed to like things. Even though Leo had said and done things differently to Garrett, it didn't mean he was free to want.

Placing his hand against Grant's cheek, Leo said softly, "I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything, or that you have to do anything for me. If you want to, though...that's different."

"I... I feel like I owe you so much... But... I understand you would never want me to do something just to pay you back. But if I want it too..." He swallowed. "Wanting to do something for you to thank you for what you are doing for me, and having it be something I want too? I guess that is a bit selfish...."

"That's not selfish," Leo replied. "But from everything you've said, you've been expected to do things in return for people. Like paying Garrett back and doing things for him, even when you don't agree or want to do them." Gently stroking Grant's face, he added, "As long as it's something you want...I'm completely on board."

"I think... I think I want to be able to choose. For that... I've never actually been with someone who wasn't an assignment... Or who didn't mind whammy me first..." Grant said ruefully. "How pathetic is that?" he whispered. "You are right. You deserve having someone who just wants to be with you because they want to be with you, not have it mixed up with needs of repayment, or just because I want to make a choice for myself. I care about you a lot... I think love you... But I'm so messed up, I don't know if I can trust my own feelings; asking you to trust my feelings would be too much. Especially if my confusion has me mixing up love, lust, obligation, or affection. I'm sorry I'm a mess." He paused and bit his lip again. "I am attracted to you, though. My body agrees with my feelings in that, so at least that isn't confusing."

"I'm attracted to you as well," Leo said honestly. "But I don't think there's any need to rush into anything. We have time and we have space. When the time is right, you can make your choice and feel confident that it's what you really want. And until then, I'll use what you tell me, even if it's in a subconscious way, to give you what you need."

Grant took a slow breath and nodded, snuggling close again. "Okay...thank you. It helps...knowing you won't let me do something that could mess me up worse..." he whispered, relaxing further as Leo took control.

"You've been hurt far too much. I'm going to make sure you're not hurt ever again," Leo promised.

Grant looked up with a small smile. "I believe you. And I'll... I'll obey you... I need to follow someone and...you are the best person I could ever follow," he said, before impulsively giving Leo a chaste kiss on the lips.

Gently cupping Grant's face, Leo returned the kiss, though he didn't push for more or deeper...content just to gently kiss and be kissed in return.

"I guess...bed now?" Grant asked quietly. "I can put on my pajamas, since...unless you think it's better not to?" Grant waited for instructions. His disappointment at not immediately giving his body to Leo was mitigated by the fact he was giving Leo control over him (and he knew Leo was right to wait). It helped him feel more secure.

"Pajamas might be more comfortable," Leo agreed, since he didn't want Grant's body to react and cause him to feel uncomfortable due to arousal. He helped Grant to stand and then retrieved both sets of pajamas, for himself and for Grant. He helped the other man into his pajamas before putting on his own, then settled down onto the bed with Grant.

Grant cuddled close, putting his head on Leo's shoulder. He would seek affection as long as Leo was willing to give it. "Goodnight... " he whispered, closing his eyes.

It didn't take long before there was silence. They both fell asleep.

The End