I Won’t Lose You

Summary: Ice and Mav reach a stumbling block in their relationship when Mav’s bad day drives him to do something dangerous
Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for the movie; AU; self-destructive behaviour; some sexual content
Pairing: Ice/Mav

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“Fuck, Mav. What were you thinking? You could have been killed, going out like that in the middle of a storm. We were all grounded.” Ice stared into the other man’s eyes, trying to gain some insight into why he’d done something so foolish and dangerous.

Normally, Ice had a pretty good handle on when Mav was experiencing a bad day. He normally saw it when it settled over his lover like a dark cloud. And when he saw it, he could step in. He could stop Mav from letting that darkness take hold and doing something exactly like what had just happened.

But this time, he’d had no warning. Mav had sneaked out before Ice had woken up and gone out, despite the warning grounding all of the pilots. The warning that everyone else had paid attention to but Mav.

Ice took a deep breath. He was angry. Too angry, really, to deal with Mav right now. And too many of their fellow pilots were close by and able to listen in for his comfort.

Drawing on the shield he normally kept in place, the one that had earned him his moniker, he took a step back. “Go to our room, Mav. Wait for me.” He didn’t wait for a response. Didn’t even wait for an acknowledgement. Instead, he walked away. Didn’t look at anyone. Didn’t speak to anyone.

Like Mav, Ice felt better…calmer…when he was up in the air. But they were grounded for the time being. And Ice wasn’t even sure going up into the air would be enough to calm him down even if the weather did settle.

Ice wasn’t sure how long he walked for. He wound up outside of the academy and was still angry. But overshadowing the anger was his sense of fear and worry. That he would lose Mav to the darkness the other man couldn’t let go of himself.

Damn it. Ice loved Mav like he’d never loved anyone else. But on his dark days, Mav terrified him. And if Mav wouldn’t or couldn’t let Ice pull him back, he’d end up in an early grave.

Ice stared up at the sky, rain falling down his face like tears. Lightning flashed across the sky and he heard thunder crackling in the distance.

Mav had been lucky, but maybe he didn’t see it that way. Maybe he truly wanted to die and all Ice was doing was delaying the inevitable.

The rain soaked him through to the skin, but Ice barely felt it. His hair was plastered to his scalp and wet strands slipped into his eyes. But he just stared ahead, unseeing. The only images that swam inside his mind were those that hadn’t happened yet. Mav and his plane going up in a ball of fire. Crashing down to earth. Dying, or horribly injured…to the point of being unable to fly anymore. And if that happened, he would no longer be Mav. Ice knew that as surely as he knew he couldn’t lose the other man.

By the time Ice turned round to walk back inside, his shirt was soaked through and sticking to his skin. Rainwater ran down his neck and back and he couldn’t help but shiver. He ignored the discomfort as he arrived at the room he shared with Mav, figuring that he was probably now calm enough to deal with his lover.

Opening the door, Ice stepped into the room, letting the door swing shut behind him.

Mav had put himself in the corner, facing the wall even after Ice had entered the room. He was naked and Ice’s first thought, his first instinct, was to walk over to Mav. To run his hands over the other man’s body; touching, exploring, kissing. And finally to take Mav to bed.

It was tempting, but Ice knew it wouldn’t help. Mav didn’t need sex right now. He needed to know that Ice wouldn’t let him go. No matter what happened.

Ice walked over to the bed and sat down. He took a deep breath and said, simply, “Come here, Mav.”

Mav’s shoulders slumped and he turned round, walking slowly to stand by Ice’s knee. “I really am sorry,” he said earnestly.

“I know, Mav.” Holding back a sigh, Ice placed his hand against the small of Mav’s back and pushed lightly.

Responding to the touch, Mav slowly bent over Ice’s knee. He shuffled a bit in place and then put both hands behind his back. “I know I screwed up, Ice,” he whispered. “I wouldn’t blame you if you gave up on me. If you walked away. Forever.”

Ice felt the last of his anger drain out of him and he sighed heavily, taking Mav’s hands in his and squeezing them. Like if he held on tight enough, he wouldn’t lose the other man. But this time, holding on tight meant spanking his lover. Hard, to the point that it would stick in Mav’s mind just what the consequences were and just how strongly Ice would hold onto him.

When Ice delivered the first smack to the crest of Mav’s backside, it was harder than any he’d ever given his lover.

Mav drew his breath in sharply. “Shit, Ice. That’s too hard.”

Ice didn’t respond to the protest. He repeated the smack, his hand landing on Mav’s opposite buttock. Then, he smacked twice just below the first. Still just as hard. Leaving faint pink handprints all over Mav’s ass.

By the time Ice reached Mav’s thighs, the other man was squirming and writhing, letting out harsh gasps with every other smack that fell.

Ice squeezed Mav’s hands, but that was the only gentleness he allowed himself. He continued to smack, turning Mav’s entire backside a warm pink and then a uniform red.

“I’m sorry, Ice!” Mav burst out.

“You shouldn’t have sneaked out, Mav.” Ice delivered a harder smack to emphasise each word he spoke. “You knew we were grounded. This was more than just letting the darkness take hold. You could have been killed.”

Mav made no verbal response, but Ice heard the tears start. He paused, rubbing his lover’s back for a few moments before saying quietly, “I need to make sure you think next time, Mav. That this sticks in your head for the next time the darkness tries to take you from me.” He began to remove his belt.

“Ice….” Mav’s whole body tensed.

Ice rested his hand on Mav’s backside, feeling the heat radiating from the punished skin. This was as severe a spanking as he’d ever given his lover, but he had to make sure. Had to make this stick in the other man’s mind so that next time, there might be even an instant of hesitation. “I love you, Mav. I don’t want to do this, but I can’t lose you. Even when you’re your own worst enemy.” He pulled his belt free. Doubled it over. Brought it down firmly against both buttocks at once.

Mav yelped, loudly, and began to sob hard. He continued to cry, the sounds tearing from his throat, as Ice delivered stripes from the belt. He worked over every inch of Mav’s naked backside, from the crest down to mid-thigh, darkening the red to crimson.

By the time Ice stopped, Mav’s whole body was limp and he was crying without pause. Ice dropped the belt and helped Mav up, cuddling him on his lap.

Letting out a quiet sob, Mav wrapped his arms around Ice and clung to him. He buried his face in Ice’s shoulder, his body heaving with sobs.

It took a long time for Mav’s tears to finally die down. Eventually, though, he just lay limp in Ice’s arms, still cuddling and snuggling. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t come back,” he whispered, his voice sounding lost.

Ice winced and tightened his arms around his lover. “No, Mav,” he whispered. “I walked away because I was too angry to stay and not say something I’d regret.”

“Oh.” Mav sat quietly for a few moments before whispering, “I’ve never seen you angry. You’re always…I don’t know…so calm. Like you don’t feel anything.”

Ice placed his hand against Mav’s cheek, encouraging his lover to look at him. “I feel things,” he said quietly.

“Yeah.” Mav’s eyes shifted away.

“I love you, Mav. Do you believe that?”

Mav swallowed visibly before whispering, “I’m trying to.”

Ice sighed and leaned back, pulling Mav with him, allowing his lover to sprawl on top of him. “I’ll make a promise to you, Mav. I won’t let you go. I’ll pull you back from the edge every time I need to. And I won’t stop loving you. You need me to step in and take control? I’ll do that. When you need me to.”

“And the rest of the time…we’re running against each other,” Mav whispered, closing his eyes and pressing his face against Ice’s neck.

“Yeah. The rest of the time, we’re on equal footing,” Ice murmured.

“Maybe tomorrow?” Mav mumbled the words sleepily into Ice’s skin.

Ice stroked Mav’s hair and back as he heard his lover’s breathing even out into sleep. “Tomorrow works,” he murmured, before letting his own eyes close. Within seconds, he joined his lover in sleep.

The End