Hold On Tight, Don’t Let Go

Summary: Sometimes letting go is impossible
Warning(s): Spoilers for the whole movie; AU; some references to violence
Pairing: The Protagonist/Neil

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“Now let me go.”

It made sense. Everything Neil said made sense. But that didn’t mean the Protagonist had to like or even agree with what he said.

What’s happened has already happened. That’s what Neil believed. It was what he’d hung his whole life on. That it was impossible to change the future. That all they were boiled down to players in a game that had long ago been set into motion. By him, if Neil’s words were to be believed.

And there was no reason not to believe what Neil said to him.

“I can’t let you go.” The words were at once a response to Neil’s direction and a declaration of truth at the same time. He stepped forward and gripped the red token that dangled from Neil’s pack. Looked into his eyes. “Even if all I did was pull this loose and trample it into the sand, it would change things.”

“It’s not the end for you and me. Not by a long shot.” Neil shifted; covered the Protagonist’s hand with his own. “I told you. Let me go. You’ve still got so much ahead of you.” He paused and lowered his voice, speaking in an earnest tone. “Don’t throw it all away over this.”

The Protagonist could see Ives, out of the corner of his eye. Waiting. He didn’t take his eyes from Neil, though. Instead, he spoke in a far sharper tone than he’d intended. “Don’t tell me to just let you go like everything we’ve been through together means nothing.”

“You don’t even remember most of what we’ve been through together. Because it hasn’t happened for you yet.” Neil pulled his hand away from the Protagonist’s. Took a step backwards and smiled sadly. “How many times have you tried to change things already? It won’t work. And all trying will do is cost the victory we’ve gained here.”

The Protagonist seized on those words like they were a lifeline. “So you do think it’s possible to change what’s already happened.”

Neil glanced towards Ives, as if hoping for help from that source. When none was forthcoming and Ives only deliberately turned away, Neil focused his attention once more on the Protagonist. “Only for the worse. Never for the better.”

“How do you know? If you won’t even try, how do you know?” The Protagonist advanced a step closer to Neil. He reached out and he plucked the red token from the other man’s pack. Looked down at it in his hands, then up at Neil. “You were always there. Right from the start. It was always you.”

“You can’t risk this victory we’ve gained.” Neil took a step forward. Held his hand out. “Give it to me.”

“No.” The Protagonist dropped the token to the sand. Ground it under his heel until the red material was completely obliberated. Then, he looked up at Neil once more. “I’ve changed it. Unless you’ve got another identical token hidden away somewhere on you.”

Neil looked down at the sand and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath in and then relaxed his stance visibly, opened his eyes again and looked at the Protagonist. “What do you want me to do?”

It was surrender, or something very close to it. Neil didn’t look happy. If anything, he seemed defeated. But it was enough. It had to be enough. Because letting Neil go without him, to die, wasn’t an option. And if Neil was upset with him for saving his life? For not allowing him to die saving the Protagonist? Well, at least he’d still be alive to be upset about it.

“I’m coming with you,” the Protagonist said. “I’m going to change your future.”

“Whatever you’re going to do, it needs to happen now.” Ives finally spoke up. “Even in reverse, we only have a limited amount of time.” He looked at Neil and then at the Protagonist. “Are you ready to go now?”

Neil looked once more at the sand, where his token was buried, and then focused on the Protagonist. In a resigned voice, he asked, “I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Not anymore.” The Protagonist quickly walked over to join Ives. He paused at the truck and then looked towards Neil. He didn’t say anything else, just watched as Neil walked over to join the two of them.

###

Instead of allowing Neil to sacrifice himself to save the Protagonist, when they were inverted, the Protagonist held him back and shot the henchman instead. He’d averted that particular crisis and the world hadn’t ended. And far more importantly, at least as far as the Protagonist was concerned, Neil wasn’t dead. Ives had disappeared, but not before promising to kill them the next time he saw them. If he saw them again.

There were people who had been lost. The victory hadn’t come without cost. But the Protagonist was selfish enough to feel relief that Neil wasn’t counted among those. He’d changed the future and it had worked. Or maybe it was the past he’d changed? Either way….

“What are we going to do now?” Neil broke the silence as the two of them watched the dust swirling around from the departure of Ives’ truck.

“You told me that this organization only exists because of me.” The Protagonist turned fully to look at Neil. “The way I figure it, we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us to build all this up.”

“We?” Neil glanced sideways at him, making eye contact.

“We.” The Protagonist nodded. “You’re not telling me that you’ll run out on me now, are you? After everything we’ve gone through together and will go through together?”

Snorting softly, Neil looked away again, over the horizon. “You still can’t be sure the world’s not going to suddenly fall apart. You changed my fate. But the whole reason I joined in the first place was because of you. You were supposed to let me go and then continue on with your own life.” He paused. “You didn’t do what you were supposed to.”

The Protagonist didn’t bother asking Neil what he meant. Instead, he said, “I wasn’t going to let you go. Don’t ever ask me to do that again.”

Neil nodded. “We have a deal.”

“Good.” There was no one else around now. The mission was over and there was no real need to stay on his guard. No need to stay on his guard. He reached out and he grasped Neil by the shoulders. He drew the other man flush against his own body and he kissed him.

Neil closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss. His own hands came up to cup the Protagonist’s face as he kissed back, desperately and almost hungrily.

When they finally pulled back to breathe, the Protagonist slid his hands down Neil’s shoulders, looking into his eyes. “I know we have a lot to do eventually, but we just saved the world. Perhaps we could do with a breather.”

“A breather.” Neil nodded and stepped into the Protagonist’s arms once more. “That sounds perfect.”

The End