Help Me

Fandom: Dune (primarily book verse, but the two mini series do follow the first three books (Dune, Dune Messiah and Children of Dune) quite faithfully)
Summary: In a rare moment of freedom, Alia reaches out to her husband
Notes & Warnings: Mentions of possibly triggering material, AU
Spoiler up to: Children of Dune, both book and miniseries

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Duncan

I am an abomination. I am what the Bene Gesserit have feared for so long. They were right to fear me. I have not been able to tell anyone this, but my uncle’s spirit, the Baron Harkonnen, has taken up residence inside my mind.

It was peaceful at first. He was able to silence all of the other voices I couldn’t stop hearing and give me peace. But soon, his voice drowned out even my own conscience. The paranoia and cruelty doesn’t belong to me. He has taken my body to perform unspeakable acts, including to betray you. My husband, who has stood by my side through everything. In my heart, I have always been faithful to you, even though my body was not. But surely your memories must tell you the kind of man the Baron was. And in all you have seen, you must have learned something of what is happening to me.

I have become a tyrant. The Fremen hate and fear me. Paul’s children are gone. I know not whether they are alive or dead. I believe Paul is still alive, but I fear what the Baron will do to his hated enemy. My grasp…his grasp…is slipping on the Fremen. Even now, I know you plan to incite the Fremen to rebellion. But I am not your enemy.

I hope this letter reaches you before what I have glimpsed comes to pass. I write in a hurry, knowing he will soon wake and take control of me once more. My movements are sluggish, but I have to reach you. I have to write this letter and then give it to one of the only people I trust to pass the message on. All before the Baron stirs and realises I have emerged from the depths he pushed me into.

Duncan, my husband, I can scarcely see if my writing is legible. I am enough of a Fremen to know tears are a waste of the body’s water and yet I cannot hold them back. I beg of you to help me, because I believe you are the only one who can do so.

When you learned of my betrayal and were so angered and hurt, it allowed me to gain a tiny corner of freedom. Since then, I have bided my time and waited until I can seize control in this moment. I ask you to return to the palace. Not announcing your presence, but to sneak in while he…while I…sleep and to ensure I will not wake until you have bound me. I ask then that you punish me. Hit me. Whip me. Give me pain that will weaken him, because there will be no pleasure in it. If you punish my body, you will help to free my mind and perhaps I will be able to subdue him. Failing that, I will plunge my own dagger into my heart.

I beg you to help me. Even if you no longer hold any love in your heart for me, please allow me the chance to free myself. Even if that freedom means death, it will be worth everything.

With all the love I still hold

Alia