Emotionally Wrecked

Summary: Felix is training with his Pokemon when Dimitri comes to talk to him
Warning(s): Spoilers for Fire Emblem: Three Houses; AU; references to canon character death
Pairing: Dimitri/Felix

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Felix narrowed his eyes and made a beckoning gesture at his Pokemon. Lucario’s head reached Felix’s shoulder, whereas before…when Felix had first received his Pokemon…they’d been of a nearly equal height.

A lot had changed since the Professor had disappeared. The sudden reappearance didn’t mean that things had gone back to anything like normal. And, in fact, the Professor’s re-emergence had brought with it a tremendous amount of loss. Chief among those the loss of Felix’s own father.

But if anything good could come of that, it was that his father’s death had awakened something inside Dimitri. Or perhaps a more accurate thing to say was that it had reawakened something inside of him.

A glancing blow took Felix in the side and he winced, belatedly raising his hands in a block. He focused on his Lucario; on Blue. Smiled at his Pokemon; a tiny smile, even if it was a real and sincere one. “Good boy,” he praised. “Taking advantage of your opponent’s distraction to land a hit.” He reached out and placed his hand on Blue’s head; rubbed it gently.

They’d come a long way since first partnering together. Felix had been full of rage and anguish, after being so horribly let down and feeling betrayed by Dimitri. He’d seen the true side of the Boar Prince back then, hadn’t he? That animal, that monster, that had been kept hidden so deep inside. But he’d been the only one to see it. To know the truth about what lay beneath the surface.

Until they’d all met up again, all rejoined the Professor, and everyone else had been able to see the darkness, to see the beast, inside the Prince. And Felix was no longer the only one to know the true nature that Dimitri had kept hidden below the surface.

Blue let out a happy chirrup and pressed his head into the petting, half-closing his eyes and tilting his head back to expose his neck in a show of trust.

It was so far removed from the scared, wary creature that had lashed out with tooth and claw; that had left Felix covered with scratches and bites as he tried to tame his very first Pokemon.

But it had never been about taming. Always, only, working as partners. It had just taken Felix far too long to realise that.

Blue opened his eyes fully and looked past Felix, letting out a tiny, happy sound that was somewhere between a purr and a bark.

Felix ignored the pit of warmth that formed in his own stomach as he turned. Pretended that seeing Dimitri standing there, just behind him, didn’t make him happy and warm inside. He’d been denying himself for so long, denying his feelings for so long, that it should have been easy to carry on doing so.

“You can use the training grounds,” Felix said. “I think we’re about done anyway.” His eyes shifted towards Dimitri’s own Pokemon, as huge and hulking as Dimitri himself. Machamp, hovering protectively next to his partner. As if he was looking to protect Dimitri from a threat even here, at the academy ruins.

Where they were supposed to be safe.

Dimitri’s eye turned towards Machamp, His Pokemon stood nearly a head taller than him and while Felix wasn’t exactly short, both of them stood taller than him.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Surprised, Felix looked directly at Dimitri’s face. Met his single eye. He couldn’t see the ruin of Dimitri’s other eye, hidden as it was beneath the patch. But he still knew it was there. A sign of what Dimitri had been through, what he’d suffered, in the years between the Professor’s disappearance and now.

“I’m not avoiding you right now.” Felix couldn’t really bring himself to deny the accusation. He could argue with Dimitri. Tell the prince that he was wrong. Mistaken. He’d said harsher words to Dimitri in the past, but that had been before. He couldn’t quite bring himself to apologise for what he’d said and how he’d acted in the past…but he wasn’t going to say those words again.

“No.” Dimitri’s voice was as soft as his eye as he looked at Felix. As he stared at his face, almost wistfully. Like he was searching for something in Felix’s face. Or maybe just trying to memorise his features.

The close scrutiny made Felix’s stomach twist and ache. His whole body grew warm and he felt his cheeks flush. Had Dimitri ever looked at him like that before? Like his whole focus, his entire world, was him? Maybe he had and Felix had been too blind to see it.

He certainly saw it now.

A tiny, chirping, questioning sound drew Felix’s attention to Blue, who had come to stand by his side. His Lucario stood close enough to Felix’s side that their hips were pressed against each other and Blue was watching Dimitri, head tilted to one side. Another chirping sound escaped him.

An answering growl came from Machamp, lilting up at the end…like Dimitri’s Pokemon was asking a question.

As Blue responded with a series of chirping cries, Dimitri looked at the two Pokemon and then refocused his attention on Felix. “Do you ever wonder what they’re saying to each other?”

“No.” Felix’s response sounded a little blunt, even to his own ears, and he couldn’t help but wince. “I never thought about them speaking to each other. I mean…I know they do, of course.” He cut his words off. Now that he was facing Dimitri and actually talking to the other man…he didn’t know what to say to him. What he even could say.

“I’m sorry about your father.” Dimitri spoke in a low voice, looking down.

Machamp stopped communicating with Blue and shifted closer to Dimitri, pressing against his trainer’s side.

Felix watched as Dimitri relaxed visibly at the touch and contact with his Pokemon and couldn’t help but frown as he felt a stab of jealousy. Was it because Dimitri was finding it so easy to accept comfort from his Pokemon? Or was it because a big part of Felix wished he could be the one to touch Dimitri and offer him comfort?

And the other man had spoken to Felix and he had yet to respond to Dimitri’s comment. He shook his head and spoke in a low voice. “It wasn’t your doing. You weren’t the one who killed him.” And his relationship with his father had never been a good one; not like his relationship with his brother.

“I’m still sorry.”

“So am I.” Felix said the words quickly, before he could think. Before he could second-guess himself. He felt pressure against his hip; felt it as Blue pressed against his side in a show of silent support. It gave him the strength he needed to say the next words; the ones he knew he needed to say. “I’m sorry that I called you a monster. I…I thought I was the only one who…who’d seen the real side of you. But I….” His voice trailed off and he ran a hand through his hair. “This is a pretty poor attempt at an apology,” he muttered.

“I don’t need an apology from you, Felix.” Dimitri took a hesitant step towards Felix; and then several more, right into his personal space, when Felix didn’t move.

Swallowing, Felix raised his eyes to Dimitri’s face, looked directly at him. It didn’t escape his notice that he was exposing his throat to the other man in much the same way as Blue had done to him earlier, in a show of trust. “Then what do you need?” he whispered.

Dimitri didn’t answer with words. Instead, he reached out and rested his large hands on Felix’s waist. Circled them around him. Pressed their bodies together. And kissed Felix.

Responding, Felix pressed back, almost desperately, into the kiss. And for the first time in a long time…it felt like things were finally on the right track.

The End