Daddy’s Girl

Fandom: X-Men Movie Verse
Summary: Fifteen years after the events of Logan, Laura is writing letters
Notes & Warnings: References to violence and character death
Spoiler up to: Major spoilers for Logan

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Daddy

I write you a letter twice a year. On my birthday and on the day you died. I know, where you are, you will never be able to read them. But I write the letters anyway.

I always knew the name of my father. I always knew what you could do. But until the day I first saw you, all you had was a name. I wasn’t important enough even for you to abandon me, as you never knew I existed. If you had stayed ignorant, none of this would have happened. They would have left you alone and maybe you would have found a way to heal even from the poison they put inside you.

I should have stayed away from you. I shouldn’t have followed when you found her dead… saw what they did to the only adult who ever wanted me. But even when you didn’t, I lapped up every bit of attention you gave me. We all wanted parents, but I was the only one to meet mine. A blessing and a curse, perhaps.

We’ve all still kept in touch, even though we moved through the years. Rictor is the one I see the most of. We’re still living together. When one of us has bad dreams, the other’s there to provide comfort.

You told me I would have to learn to live with what I’ve done and the people I’ve hurt, even though they were bad men. But I can’t do that. Even though I don’t have to fight anymore, I can’t let go of the sense of guilt.

I wish I’d had you for longer. You left an impression on my life, on all of our lives. And if you were here, maybe you could help me stop feeling the guilt. Maybe…maybe I wouldn’t feel like such a monster now, if you’d been able to take me in hand. I think you would have been the only one I would have listened to, even though you only saw me as a chore and you wouldn’t have come back for me if it wasn’t for Charles. I’m sorry he died. I’m sorry you died…but I hope your soul, if it exists after death, knows your deaths weren’t in vain.

You wouldn’t recognise me now. I’m civilised. Like you. There are others. Me and Rictor seek them out, the new mutants born. We protect them, like Charles used to. Like you used to. But I don’t need to fight most of the time. Instead, we give the children what we only had for a short time. Adults who care enough to put everything on the line to save them.

If you were still here, I would ask you to be my father, with everything that entails. I’d want to be a little girl again, who could look up to you as her hero. And I’d want you to treat me like that girl, punishing me when I do something wrong. Taking me over your knee, like I’ve seen other fathers do, and spanking me whenever I fall short of your expectations.

If I could go back in time… but there’s no use in thinking about ifs. And changing the past could cause havoc in the future. But still… I would give almost everything to have my father back, even though you only acknowledged me when you lay dying.

Laura