Confessions

Summary: Arendin realises his feelings for Rain run deeper than mere friendship, but when he reveals them to the elf, Rain grows scared and leaves
Warning(s): References to violence and character death; D/s; references to spanking; some sexual content; references to mind control
Pairing: Arendin Silverleaf/Rain Silverleaf

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It was as he carried two birds back to their tiny hut, one held in each hand, that it occurred to Arendin...he was happy.

The little life he'd built with Rain wasn't perfect, of course. Hunting for food was becoming more difficult, with Arendin having to move further away from their tiny home to set traps and hunt the animals. And they were still in danger from the Ancient One and the forces he controlled.

But being with Rain made Arendin happy. More happy than he probably had any right to be. And more than happy, he felt...peaceful. Content. As much as he wanted to stop the Ancient One, to gain justice for his family who had been murdered...he also wanted to live his life with the elf who held his heart.

He hadn't told Rain how he felt yet. He took every opportunity to be close to the elf; to touch Rain, even though he did so in such a way that he could call it an accident. But even though he thought Rain probably knew Arendin was attracted to him, that he'd developed feelings for him, Arendin didn't want to just tell Rain when it wasn't the right moment. Rain was beautiful, perfect...and he deserved a careful, considered reveal of Arendin's feelings.

Transferring one of the birds to his other hand, so that he had one free, Arendin reached out and pulled the door open.

Rain was seated at the tiny wooden table in the middle of the hut, a scroll open in front of him. As Arendin stepped inside, he glanced up, a tiny smile touching his lips as his azure eyes lit up.

"Have you heard from the King's advisor?" Arendin gestured towards the scroll. "Will the King give us an audience?"

"I'm afraid not." Rain sighed and rolled up the scroll again. "Wind has mentioned that his own influence with the King is gone. His relationship with Prince Hawk has deteriorated, and he plans to leave." He took a deep breath. "I thought to send him a message suggesting we could meet. It's possible the Ancient One has a hand in this. Even if he doesn't, the more allies we can gain against the Ancient One, the better."

"I think that's a good idea." Arendin held up the birds. "I was able to find some meat, but I had to go further than usual. I think perhaps we should consider leaving this hut."

Rain moved the scroll from the table and picked up his dagger. He held a hand out, and when Arendin handed the birds over to him, he placed them on the table and began stripping them of feathers.

As Rain prepared the birds for cooking, Arendin moved over to the small hearth, where a cooking pot lay, and started up the fire. As the flames flickered to life, he poured some water into the pot, adding in some of the vegetables and herbs they'd been growing in the small garden.

As the pot began to heat, Rain finished preparing the birds and moved to Arendin's side. He dropped the pieces of meat into the pot and then stood by Arendin's side, shoulder to shoulder, as the meat cooked.

Arendin took a deep breath and allowed himself to take a step closer to Rain, to allow their bodies to brush even closer together. This close to the elf, he could smell the unique scent that lingered around Rain: pine and moonlight. Rain's silver hair shone brightly in the sunlight that streamed through their window, and Arendin ached to reach out and run his fingers through the soft strands. He kept his hands by his sides, though, not wanting to touch Rain until, or unless, he had permission.

It was Rain's voice that broke the silence that had fallen between them. "Thank you," he whispered softly.

Surprised, Arendin glanced sideways at the elf. "You're welcome, but I don't know what you're thanking me for," he said, keeping his voice light.

Rain glanced sideways at him. "For staying with me. For feeding us both. I've never been very skilled at hunting, or at setting traps," he admitted quietly. "I understand the necessity, but I find it difficult to cause pain to another living creature."

Arendin nodded in understanding. He looked into the flickering flames for a few moments before he finally spoke. "I understand how you feel, and I do my best not to take any more than is necessary," he said. "And I do my best not to cause any pain. When I take their lives, it's as cleanly and painlessly as I can."

"I know," Rain replied quietly. "And I appreciate that you are willing to do what I cannot."

Arendin closed his eyes for a moment. Was now the right time to tell Rain how he felt about him? He bit his lip and opened his eyes again, sneaking another look at the elf's face.

Rain had turned his head, and their eyes now met. Rain wasn't smiling, but there was a tiny glint in his eye as he tilted his head to one side. "Do you have something on your mind?" Despite the note of humour in his voice, there was a lingering trace of uncertainty in his tone.

Arendin hesitated, but the scent of the stew wafted towards him. "The food is ready." The moment was gone, as he retrieved their wooden bowls and spoons, sharing the stew out between the two and handing one to Rain. He then sat down at the table and began to eat.

Rain sat down opposite him and for a few moments, the only sounds were of them eating.

It was the elf who spoke up. "If you agree, I will send a message to Wind tomorrow morning. The messenger bird he uses is fast, so even if he chooses to leave the castle, the message should reach him before he leaves."

"As I said. Food is growing scarcer here anyway, so I think leaving would be a good idea," Arendin said. "Do you know where Wind is likely to go if he does leave the castle?"

"He will likely return to the forest he lived in when we first met," Rain answered. "I will suggest that we meet him there...unless you would prefer a different location?"

"I'll be guided by you," Arendin answered. "Before my family were...killed and my home destroyed, I...I hadn't travelled very much," he admitted. "The forest we met was the furthest I'd ever travelled."

Rain's eyes softened and he reached across the table, taking Arendin's hand in his.

Arendin turned his hand over and gently gripped hold of Rain's. Looking down at their entwined hands, he took a deep breath and decided that now was the best time to tell Rain how he felt...and hope that his feelings might be returned by the elf. He clasped Rain's hand in both of his and looked into the elf's azure eyes, his breath catching once again at the elf's beauty. "Rain, this might not be the right time, but I don't know if the right time will ever come along. I love you, Rain," he said, his voice simple, open and honest.

Rain stiffened slightly. His face went slightly pale, and then it was as if a mask had dropped. Slowly, he pulled his hand out of Arendin's...then stood up and silently began to clear away their bowls.

"Rain?" Arendin stood up as well and took a step nearer to the elf.

"Don't." Rain held up a hand to stop him.

Arendin winced at the cold note that had slipped into Rain's voice. He stood where he was, eyes fixed on the elf's face. "It's all right," he whispered. "I don't expect you to feel the same way about me as I do about you..."

"I have to leave." Rain put the bowls down next to the bucket of water.

"What?" Arendin flinched at the words. Despite his intention to step back and give Rain space, he couldn't help taking a step forward, reaching a hand out to the elf. "You don't need to leave," he said. "I don't expect you to return my feelings. But...please don't leave me." He tried not to sound as emotional as he felt, but a note of fear still crept into his voice.

He didn't want to be alone again.

"If you love me, you'll get hurt," Rain said. "I'm too dangerous to love." His own eyes were shimmering, as if he was close to tears himself.

"Please don't leave me," Arendin whispered, a note of pain slipping into his voice.

Rain lowered his head and took a deep breath. Then, squaring his shoulders, he looked up at Arendin, a determined look coming over his face. "It's the only way to protect you. I won't be responsible for you dying as well." He backed towards the door.

"Rain, wait." Arendin moved quickly forward, stretching his hand out.

Rain shrank back, almost recoiling away from him, and opened the door, slipping out of the hut.

Arendin stood there, staring at the spot where the elf had stood only moments before. The hut suddenly felt cold and far too big, without the elf standing there; without Rain's presence in the hut.

Closing his eyes tightly, Arendin drew in a deep, shuddering breath. While he desperately wanted to go after Rain, reason held him back. If the elf truly wanted to leave...if he truly felt that leaving was necessary...Arendin would never be able to bring him back unless he used force. And he would never be able to do that.

Slowly, trying not to think about the fact he was now alone again, Arendin picked up the bowls. He washed them in the water without truly seeing what he was doing. Everywhere he looked, every movement he made, only served to remind him of the companion he'd had for such a short amount of time.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Arendin forced himself to step outside of the hut before it grew too dark to see, training with his weapons. He carried out the sword forms by rote; threw his daggers at the targets without truly seeing them.

He didn't know where he was going to go now...but at the back of his mind, he knew he wouldn't be able to stay in the hut. Even though Rain was gone...and gods, that thought hurt more than it had any right to...he was still going to struggle to feed just himself. He needed to find somewhere else where he could build a proper life...at least after he'd petitioned the King for justice against the Ancient One and the murder of his family.

As he stepped back into the hut, Arendin's eyes turned to where Rain had left the scroll. It was gone now, and Arendin assumed the elf had taken it with him, but perhaps it would be a good idea to make his way to the castle. If he went in that direction, he might be able to meet with Rain's friend Wind...and even if the other elf was leaving the castle, perhaps he would still be able to advise Arendin how to gain an audience with the King.

As the hut grew darker, Arendin lit a lantern and set it against the wall. The flickering shadows danced over the walls, creating flickering patterns, as Arendin unlaced his boots and slipped them off, then removed his tunic. He folded it and put it and his boots away neatly, then stretched out on the sleeping mat and closed his eyes.

In the morning, he would decide what route he would take to get to the castle.

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Arendin's eyes flew open as the door to the hut creaked open. Heart pounding and mouth dry, he closed his fingers around the hilt of his knife and held his breath, waiting for an attack.

There was a figure standing in the doorway, but the lantern's light had died away, and it was impossible to make out anything more than a vague shape. But as the figure picked its way further into the hut, a familiar scent of pine and moonlight wafted towards Arendin's nostrils...and he relaxed slightly, loosening his hold on his weapon. "Rain?" he whispered into the quiet stillness.

"Arendin..." The familiar figure of the elf stumbled forward, almost falling onto the sleeping mat with Arendin, and then Rain's arms were wrapped around him and he was pressing himself close to Arendin, shivering as if he was cold. "I'm sorry."

Heart pounding once more, though this time for an entirely different reason, Arendin raised his arms and wrapped them around Rain in a tight hug. His fingers slipped through the soft strands of the elf's silver hair as he whispered, "You came back to me...."

"I should never have left." Rain's fingers reached blindly for Arendin's leggings, fingers ghosting along the sensitive skin there and touching his waist.

Arendin caught his hands and squeezed them gently. "Rain...you don't have to do that."

"Isn't it what you want?" Rain's breath was warm on Arendin's skin as he whispered the words into his neck. "You said you loved me...."

"I do." Arendin closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to the elf's hair. "But that doesn't mean I expect you to give yourself to me in this way. I'm in no hurry to rush any part of our relationship. I'm merely content just to be with you," he whispered. "It doesn't matter what form that takes."

"Oh." Rain was quiet and still for a few moments, as if fully absorbing Arendin's words. Then, slowly, he curled into Arendin, letting his head rest against Arendin's chest. His silver hair fell in a curtain over Arendin's bare chest and stomach, the strands gently tickling his naked skin, as he whispered, "I don't know how I feel."

"That's all right," Arendin whispered back. "We have time for you to figure out how you feel. And if you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you, that's all right too."

"I'm sorry I hurt you by leaving."

Arendin closed his eyes, trying not to think about how much that had hurt. Being alone again, even if it was only for a short amount of time, had been more painful than he could have ever imagined. "You don't have to return my feelings," he whispered back. "But please...don't leave me again."

Rain lifted his head, the moonlight catching his azure eyes and making them gleam. Wordlessly, he leaned in and pressed his lips against Arendin's in a light, tentative kiss.

Arendin closed his eyes at the warm touch of Rain's lips on his. He raised one hand to cup the back of the elf's head, running his fingers through Rain's soft hair. He didn't deepen the kiss, content to let Rain set the pace he felt comfortable with.

Pulling away from the kiss, Rain murmured, "I won't leave you again. Even if I get scared...."

"Thank you." Arendin opened his eyes, looking down into Rain's. "Did you send a response to Wind?"

Rain nodded, long fingers idly tracing delicate patterns on Arendin's bare chest. "I've suggested a meeting place. I thought perhaps we could start travelling there tomorrow," he suggested. "It's another forest...one that I believe has been left untouched by the Ancient One's influence. Depending on when Wind leaves the castle, he will reach the forest before us."

Arendin nodded. "We can pack the vegetables we've grown to take with us." There was a note of sadness in his voice, at the thought of having to leave another place he'd made a home out of. But he pushed those feelings away. After all, this hut was never intended to be a new home; only a safe place for them to rest and regroup and plan.

Rain nodded against his chest and sighed, closing his eyes. He slid his arms around Arendin's waist and within a few seconds, his breathing had evened out and deepened into sleep.

Arendin lay awake for a few more moments, just feeling the warm, solid weight of the elf against his body. Finally, though, he too slipped into sleep...feeling a moment of peace that hadn't been there since he'd lost his family.

The End