Catharsis Offered

Fandom: X-Men Movie Verse
Summary: Charles can't ignore the pain his friend is suffering
Notes & Warnings: AU, some references to violence
Spoiler up to: X-Men Apocalypse

***

My dear friend

I know I promised I would not attempt to read your mind and that I would not attempt to contact you without your express permission. But as Raven would tell you, I have a habit of breaking those promises when those I care for are involved. And Erik, my friend, your pain screams so loud at me, it drowns out everything else.

I know your life has been filled with suffering since long before you and I met. Every time you’ve felt you’ve found peace, something else has come to take that away. When I learned of the death of your wife and daughter, I grieved for you. But I know you have not allowed yourself to grieve. At least not fully. You hide it well, dear friend, but you cannot hide your feelings from a telepath. I don’t even need Cerebro to feel your turmoil.

I’m asking you to come back to the school. I won’t force you to. I think it’ll be good for you, but if you don’t return of your own free will, then it would be all the worse. I know you think you’re better off alone, but we were like brothers once. I still think of you as such and I believe we can do a lot of good and prevent anyone else from dying. We might not always see eye to eye, but we are both in agreement that the children need to be protected. I always knew you were a good man and you proved that when you turned against Apocalypse and fought with us, instead of against us. I know there were conflicts between us before, but I believe we can do a great many things together.

I’m not just offering you a place to belong and a family. I’m also offering you catharsis. I know how much you’re suffering right now. I know how much guilt you’ve pushed down and how much self-loathing you feel. I’m no stranger to that, but I’ve been able to start over by rebuilding the school and bringing in new students. You met a handful of them during the battle with Apocalypse, but the reality is they’re all good students.

I’m offering you something I have never been given, Erik. I know the suffering guilt and mistakes can cause. I know how hard it is to force yourself to keep going. And if, by the time you reach the end of this letter I had dropped in front of you, you are open to my suggestion… it is this.

If you are willing to respond and return home, to myself and to Raven – your family – I will take you into my office. I will place a telepathic shield around the room, so no sound can escape, and then I will punish you. I will spank you. I will give you a safe place to grieve and a safe person to grieve in front of. I know you need to let go of this terrible sensation of guilt that haunts your every step. I won’t judge you. I won’t laugh at or belittle your needs. I will simply be a catalyst to enable you to let go of your guilt.

Charles

***

Charles

I feel like I should be offended by the notion of you treating me like a child. I’m also not sure why I’m writing this letter to you, as you could just pick my answer out of my mind as soon as I’ve thought it. You’re asking me to weaken myself before you. It wouldn’t matter if it was you or someone else. The very thought of what you’re suggesting makes me nervous. And even if I chose to submit to your suggestion, there’s no guarantee my powers wouldn’t spiral out of control and cause me to hurt you. Again.

That was what brought me back from Apocalypse’s side. I couldn’t bear the thought of being responsible for even more of your pain. You laugh on the outside, my friend, but you and I both know that’s a mask to hide how you really feel. Some of your students wear very visible masks, while yours appears exactly the same as your normal face.

I will make a deal with you, old friend. I will submit to your idea of catharsis if you will submit to mine. We can both become what the other needs. I’ll come back. I might not agree with your methods, but I’ll come back to you. To them. To protect you and them.

But only if you agree to allow me to give you the catharsis you so freely offer me.

Erik