Big Brother’s Forgiveness

Summary: Set during episode one. Instead of just standing by and letting Luke take his money, Steven decides to finally step into his role as big brother
Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for the Netflix series The Haunting of Hill House; AU; references to violence and canon character death; some references to beating; references to drug abuse; references to supernatural horror

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Luke froze at the top of the stairs, staring at his older brother who was looking up at him with an expression that was disappointed...but also had an element of I knew this would happen. Because of course he thought Luke wouldn't be able to stay clean. Maybe he was even right, as every other time he'd tried, Luke had fallen off the wagon -. By this point, the only one who believed in him, who'd always believed in him even when the others had given up on him, was Nell.

"Look." Steven opened his wallet and pulled out some cash; held it up for Luke to see. "I've got 200 bucks here. You can have it, and you can sell that old camera. But I need the iPad back. I need it for work. Okay, Luke? Just give me the iPad back and you can take the cash and sell that camera."

The back of his neck ached. Luke didn't know why, but it had been hurting all day. It wasn't the same ache he'd experienced when going through withdrawal. He didn't know what it was.

Except...some part of him thought maybe it was something to do with Nell. The twin thing. And he was worrying about her. Of course he was. But he had to worry about Joey, too; Joey, who was waiting for him outside and trusting him to take care of her the same way she'd taken care of him.

"Okay." The word escaped Luke's lips without conscious thought. He breathed in deeply and walked slowly down the stairs towards his brother, pausing when he was next to Steven. Slowly, he gave his brother the iPad and took the cash. Then, after a brief moment, he handed over the camera as well. "It's not what you think." He couldn't look into Steven's eyes, not wanting to see the disappointment any longer. Shoulders slumping, he walked past his brother.

"Then tell me what it is."

Luke froze. He hesitated. He thought about ignoring Steven's words and continuing out of the complex to join Joey. He had enough cash for them to find a motel for the night. He had enough to feed them both. He could take care of her, at least for a day or so.

But he wouldn't be able to take care of her for longer than that. And he wouldn't be able to take care of himself. He hadn't used in ninety days, but if he didn't do something, or get some kind of help, then he'd be going down that path again. And then the disappointment on Steven's face would be deserved.

"It's Joey," Luke whispered. "She broke out of rehab. She had a relapse. Not me. I didn't use. I didn't." His voice grew stronger, more intense, with the last two words.

"Jesus, Luke."

Luke flinched. He couldn't help it. Rubbing his hand over his face, he muttered, "Forget it."

"That's not...I'm not...." Steven sighed and walked round to stand in front of Luke. "Do you need somewhere safe for her to come down?"

"Yeah. I thought...I could sell the iPad and the camera. Get us enough for a night, maybe two." Luke took a deep breath and forced himself to look into Steven's eyes. "I can't leave her out there, Stevie," he whispered. "She helped me get through ninety days. And the centre won't let her come back after she skipped out in the middle of the night."

"And you followed her." Steven shook his head. "You're throwing away your chances of staying clean, Luke. Who's going to help you stay off the heroin? It's not going to be Joey. She'll just drag you down with her."

Luke didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to think that Steven was probably right. And he really didn't need a lecture from his older brother. His neck was aching, and he'd been feeling off all day. Something was wrong...and he couldn't shake the feeling it was something to do with Nell.

But even if it was, there was nothing he could do for her right now. But he could do something to help Joey; to pay her back, even a little, for the way she'd helped him.

"Thanks for the 200 bucks, Steven," Luke muttered. "I'll see you later." He headed towards the exit.

"Wait."

Luke paused, but didn't turn round. "Why?" he asked directly. "It's not like it'll do any good. It's not going to change how you feel about me." His voice started out strong, but faltered a little by the end of his sentence.

There was a reason why he kept failing at step four.

"Luke." There was the sound of footsteps behind him and then, after a brief pause, Steven's hand was resting on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "I can't pretend to understand what you're going through, though I know all our lives have been seriously messed up after...you know, Mom. But you're my brother and I...I do love you," he whispered. "Come up with me so we can talk. Then you can bring Joey in. At least it'll be a warm, safe place for her to come down."

"It's not exactly warm in your apartment." Luke bit his lip as the words escaped him. He was saying the wrong thing. What if Steven withdrew his offer of help because Luke wasn't grateful enough? "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "If you're willing to have us here...I'll gladly accept that offer." He swallowed and glanced at Steven's hand on his shoulder, then asked quietly, "What do we need to talk about?"

"Let's go up to my apartment." Steven gently gripped Luke's shoulder a bit more firmly and then turned him round towards the stairs, beginning to guide him up them.

Luke hesitated, glancing back over his shoulder at the door, but found himself walking up the stairs alongside Steven. He did worry about Joey outside, but as long as their conversation didn't take too long, he thought she'd probably be okay.

When they reached his apartment door, Steven took out his key...then paused, glancing at the door and then at Luke's face. "Yeah. I'll need to get that lock fixed." Sighing, he reached out and pushed the door open, guiding Luke through.

"Sorry," Luke offered, before he shivered. "You think you could turn the heating on? It's pretty damn cold."

"It should be on." Steven let go of Luke's shoulder and walked over to check the heater. "That's odd. It's on...the power's working. So why is it so cold?" he muttered.

"I don't know." Luke hesitantly walked over to sit on the couch, though he couldn't relax enough to lean back against the cushions, instead perching on the edge of the seat. Clearing his throat, he asked, "So what do you want to talk about?"

Steven stopped fiddling with the heater and stood up, walking over to sit down on the couch next to Luke. He was silent for a few moments before he asked, "Why did you steal from me instead of actually asking for help?"

"When you saw me on the stairs, you assumed I was using again. Don't try to deny it," Luke said, when Steven opened his mouth. "I was worried about Joey, and Leigh told me you weren't living with her anymore. When I got here and there was no sign of you...." His voice trailed off.

"Luke, you can't steal from me. You can't steal from any of us." Steven sounded serious, nearly stern. "I know your addiction is a disease you can't really control, but there are still things you can control. Especially when you're not actively using again." He held up the camera and the iPad. "You didn't need to steal from me, little brother."

The form of address, one that Luke hadn't heard from Steven's lips in a long time, made him flinch. He stared down at his hands, stomach twisting as the familiar sensation of guilt churned within him. "I'm sorry." The apology sounded hollow, meaningless, even to his own ears.

"I believe you're sorry. I just don't know if I can trust it," Steven admitted quietly.

Luke winced. He couldn't help it. Steven hadn't said that he couldn't trust him, but he might as well have. "Is there a way to help? To bring back at least some of the trust?" he whispered.

"Maybe. But I don't think you're going to like it. I don't like it, but I'm out of other ideas."

"What's your idea?" Luke wasn't sure he'd like it any more than Steven did, but if it helped his brother to trust him, even a little, perhaps it would be worth doing.

Steven's smile was more of a grimace than anything else. "The only idea I've got is using a physical form of punishment on you."

Luke shifted uncomfortably. "A physical punishment? You mean like a beating?" He swallowed hard and pushed down the sudden nerves that stabbed at him. It wouldn't be the first time he'd been beaten...and Steven probably had every right to give him a beating. Still. "Can you stay away from my ribs and my kidneys? I don't want to be pissing blood."

Steven's eyes widened in shock. "You think I'd beat you? Fuck, Luke. How messed up is your life now that that's where your mind immediately went?"

"What else do you mean?" Luke demanded.

"I'm talking about spanking." Steven winced after he spoke the words and looked away, down at his hands.

"Spanking?" Luke repeated blankly. "You're...talking about spanking? About spanking me?"

"Like I said. I don't like the idea anymore than you do." Steven shrugged. "But it's the only thing I can think of. A punishment for family. A punishment for my little brother, to repair something of the hurt between us."

"Okay."

Steven paused, then leaned back to look into Luke's eyes. "Okay?" he repeated.

"Okay. Go ahead. Spank me. If you think it'll help. If you think...maybe it'll make up for some of what I've caused." Luke had never been spanked before, but he couldn't help wondering if it might have changed something if he had been. If someone had taken a firmer hand with him, maybe he wouldn't have gone down this path.

"Okay." Steven took a deep breath and nodded. He stood up, setting the iPad and camera down on the coffee table. He then reached down and grasped Luke's shoulder, squeezing lightly before helping him to stand. He used the grip on Luke to guide him towards one of the corners and turned him to face it before releasing his shoulder and stepping away. "Stand here. Don't move until I come and get you."

Luke breathed in slowly and let his body slump as he stared at the join of the two walls. Being in time out wasn't new to him, although it was the first time he'd been put in one since being a child. And to be honest, what he'd done to get this response from his big brother was so much worse than anything he'd ever done as a child in the past.

He could hear Steven moving around behind him. Was his brother cleaning his apartment? Or maybe doing some more writing? It was hard to keep facing the corner, but it was where Steven had put him, so he fought the urge to turn around and see what Steven was doing.

It seemed to take an age, but Steven finally placed a hand on Luke's shoulder and guided him from the corner. He didn't say anything as he led Luke back over to the couch and took a seat, pulling Luke round to stand in front of him. Then, he undid Luke's pants and pushed them down to just below his knees before following those with his underwear.

Luke took in a slow, deep breath and tried not to show his embarrassment. This wasn't the most compromising position he'd ever been in...but then again, it wasn't being half-naked that was awkward, but that Steven would be able to see just how low he'd fallen; that he'd be able to see just how far down Luke's body the track marks from the needles went.

Steven took Luke's hand and drew him round to his side, then slowly pulled him into position across his lap. He placed a hand on Luke's lower back, rubbing gently for a few moments. As he did so, he spoke in a soft voice. "I'm not punishing you for your addiction, Luke. I understand that it's a disease and that you can't help it; or you couldn't help it after the first hit, at least. This spanking is to make a start at healing the rift between us; to enable me to start trusting you again."

"Okay." Luke couldn't help shifting slightly, feeling exposed and vulnerable. It was still cold in the apartment, and he couldn't help but shiver in the cold air that wafted over his bared backside.

Steven didn't say anything else. He just rubbed Luke's back for a few more seconds before he removed his hand and slapped it down on Luke's right buttock.

The sting was immediate and hurt more than Luke was expecting it to. His breath hissed out in a quiet gasp, but he managed to avoid making another sound when a matching swat was delivered to the opposite buttock.

After those two initial smacks, Steven didn't waste any time in settling into a rhythm, going right down to Luke's thighs before he started over from the top, delivering hard, stinging swats to flesh that had already received attention.

Luke began to squirm. He couldn't help it. The stinging from the smacks wasn't unbearable, but the swats were relentless, and the sting was rapidly growing into a burning ache. Tears blurred his vision and began to fall down his cheeks as he lost his battle to stay still and accept the punishment, beginning to squirm and twist over his brother's lap.

Steven paused in the spanking, but it was only a brief respite as he adjusted Luke's position, pulling him in closer and tighter against his stomach. Then, he bgan to swat again, this time going a fraction harder and faster.

Responding to the increased force and speed, Luke began to struggle and writhe a bit more before he slumped over his brother's lap, beginning to sob in earnest.

"I love you, Luke." Steven slowed the swats, but didn't bring the spanking to a stop. "I know I promised to protect you when we were kids. And I know that I maybe haven't done a very good job of that recently. But I promise I'm going to do better from now on. So long as you help me to take care of you, that's what I'll do. I'll be the big brother I promised I'd be when we were kids."

The words caused more tears to flow down Luke's cheeks, and he choked on another sob. Blindly, he reached back with one hand; not to try and cover his backside, but because he needed to hold onto his brother. He needed to feel that Steven was there for him, and wouldn't leave.

Immediately, Steven took Luke's hand, squeezing it gently. He completed one final circuit of swats, leaving Luke sobbing over his lap, then carefully pulled his clothing back into place. After that, it took a few moments of shifting and pulling before Luke found himself on his brother's lap, Steven's arms wrapped tightly around him.

Sniffling, trying to calm his tears, Luke placed his head on Steven's shoulder, cuddling in close to his big brother. As Steven's hand rubbed up and down his back, he sniffled softly and whispered, "I'm sorry, so sorry, for everything. I love you too...."

"I forgive you." Steven tightened his embrace around Luke and kissed the top of his head.

Luke didn't know how long they sat there for, just cuddling. It was long enough for the burning throb in his backside to fade to a mildly stinging ache; long enough for his tears to die down completely, leaving his face feeling sticky and uncomfortable. He shifted position slightly, not wanting to leave the comfort of Steven's embrace, but needing to wash his face.

"You okay?" Steven asked softly.

"Yeah." Luke breathed in deeply. "I just...I need to wash my face," he admitted. "Feels uncomfortable."

"Sure. Once you do that, we can go and get Joey. Bring her in so that she can come down." Steven released Luke and gestured towards one of the other rooms. "Washroom's through there."

"Thanks." Luke headed to the room Steven pointed out and stood in front of the sink. He turned the tap on and ran his hands under the stream of water, splashing it onto his face before raising his head to look at himself in the mirror. His eyes were a bit red, but otherwise, he looked...okay. Healthier than he had since before going into rehab.

It was very hard to make himself go back into the main room, after his brother had spanked him to tears, but Luke made himself do it. He forced himself to step out of the washroom and back into the main room...only to stop and stare at Steven, who was pale and shaken, like he'd seen a ghost. "Stevie?" He quickly moved over to his brother, fighting down the panicked concern that threatened to overwhelm him.

Steven slowly turned his head to look at Luke, his eyes still wide. "It's Nell," he whispered. "Nell. She's...she's...she's dead, Luke.”

The End