Betrayed

Summary: Prequel to Life Changes. Chase misunderstands and nearly ruins it all.
Warning(s): Explicit sexual situations; M/m; Establishing a D/s relationship; Spanking as punishment; Spoilers for House.

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Chase paced nervously in the living room of House's apartment. His lover had told him he'd meet him there after their shifts ended. Chase had been looking forward to it; until he'd found out House had been called to face the board over 'newly uncovered evidence' submitted by Vogler. Chase knew exactly what evidence had been 'found' and where Vogler had got it. House would know where it had been obtained as well. Chase had been the one to give Vogler the information.

How could he explain to House, though? His reasons had been entirely due to worry over House being fired, or worse, if anyone else learned the information. House had done something illegal, even if the reasons had saved a life. Vogler had promised if Chase gave him the information, he'd help House; make it so the older man wouldn't have negative repercussions. But Vogler had been lying and Chase felt a fool. If House didn't accept Chase's reason for the betrayal....

***

It was later than it would have normally been, by the time House made his way back to the apartment. That hadn't exactly been deliberate...but after the meeting where Vogler had threatened him with being fired but ended with Wilson being voted off the board of directors, he hadn't been able to make himself return home to face his lover. Not when he was feeling so angry...so hurt...so betrayed.

The trouble was, he was still feeling all of those things. And he was in no fit state to handle himself right now, let alone Chase. But when he parked outside his apartment building, he could see Chase's car there and knew the other man was still inside.

He wasn't ready for this confrontation. He didn't know if he would ever be ready for it, but it certainly wasn't going to be tonight, when his emotions were raw and all over the place...and Wilson had ended up losing a position that was important to him purely because he was the only one who refused to humor Vogler when it came to House.

Climbing off his motorbike, House popped a couple of pills before he slowly made his way inside and to the elevator, setting it to go to his floor. He didn't feel any better when he stepped out and walked to his apartment, unlocking the door to step inside.

Chase heard the door being opened and stilled, swallowing hard and waiting anxiously in the middle of the floor. He had been too anxious to sit and relax. He tried to focus his thoughts so he could explain. He loved House, even if the words hadn't been said out loud, and he worried about him. That wouldn't matter if House was too betrayed to forgive him.

House closed the door and turned to his lover. He was staying calm, but it was only with a supreme wrench of will that he was doing so. "I'm going to bed." He sounded short, but it was only because he didn't want to lose control and shout at Chase.

Chase's mouth opened and closed wordlessly for a few seconds. It was obvious his lover didn't want to talk... but was this just House needing time to think before talking, or...was it House pulling back because he wanted to end things between them? Chase didn't know what to say or do. He wasn't even sure what exactly House knew, though the barely hidden anger simmering below the surface was something Chase couldn't miss.  "H... House, I..." Chase paused, not sure what he should be asking. Did it he have a right to ask anything?

"I can't deal with this right now," House said shortly. He started to walk past Chase, intending to go to his room, then paused. "Wilson was voted off the board of directors." His tone was clipped. Short. Staying calm, even despite the emotions roiling around inside him. He was angry, yes. But he was also really hurt.

Chase took a step back in shock. "Wilson... but... I don't understand..." His voice was faint. This was worse than he'd thought. What had Vogler done with his information? If Wilson had been negatively affected, House would never forgive him. House and Wilson were as close as brothers.

House had been completely honest when saying he couldn't deal with this tonight. But he gave Chase the information in short, still clipped words. "Vogler wants to fire me. But I have tenure. Means he needs a unanimous vote from the board of directors to get rid of me. Wilson was the only one who voted against it." He said the words without looking at Chase, not sure what he would see on the other man's face.

"Fire you... But... He... that's..." Chase's voice faded. The sole reason Chase had given the information was so that House wouldn't be fired. Vogler had insisted. Hearing from House's own lips what had gone down at the meeting proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Vogler had lied, even if Chase hadn't already known. "What... What can I do to...?" He paused again, not certain how to end the question. What can I do to make things right? What can I do to help you? What can I do to be forgiven? He didn't know what to do or say.

House just shook his head. "We're not dealing with this tonight." He didn't ask Chase to leave; in fact, he wasn't expecting his lover to do so. He just couldn't deal with the events of the day right now. He continued into the bedroom and began getting ready for bed.

Having House turn from him, without even a small indication that there was a chance Chase could do something, anything, to make up for his mistake at some point... even if it was to tell Chase to go home and they'd talk in the morning... crushed Chase's faint hope that he hadn't ruined everything. House couldn't stand looking at him; had obviously avoided looking at him several times and now had left the room without inviting him to join. It was obvious that his lover didn't want him nearby. He was probably just waiting until he could tell him to get lost calmly, instead of tearing into him like Chase deserved.

Chase wouldn't force him to do that. It was his fault everything had gone so horribly wrong, and he wouldn't force House to put up with his presence a moment longer. "I... Okay..." Chase said, in a subdued voice. Swallowing hard again, he turned and walked away from the bedroom. Within moments, he had left and locked the apartment, gone to his car (he didn't even remember walking out of the living room; he was on autopilot), and driven back to his own tiny, miserable place.

Twenty minutes later, he was curled up on the cheap mattress he'd never got around to replacing, wearing the clothes he'd worked in. He had maybe two changes of clothes and a few odds and ends at his place. No food that wasn't a nonperishable in a jar or tin. He hadn't realized how completely he'd blended his life into Gregory House's. And now he'd ruined everything. Feeling hopeless and lost, he cried himself to sleep.

***

Wilson wasn't all that surprised not to see House come into the hospital. Showing up on time would have meant there was a chance Vogler might listen to reason. Conforming to the rules meant that there was a chance his job could be saved, now that the only one refusing to vote for him to stay had been fired from the board of directors.

But of course, House couldn't do the easy, right thing. Even knowing that Vogler was going to get him fired couldn't make the other man step into line.

Sighing quietly, Wilson finished the appointment with his patient and left his office. If he couldn't talk to House and get him to see reason, maybe there was someone who could. Even though Wilson wasn't supposed to know of House's relationship with Chase.

***

The only reason Chase hadn't called in sick was because he knew it would add to the rest of the team's workload and he wanted to avoid making things more difficult than he had already. Plus... If he came in, maybe he'd be able to talk to his lover and at least apologize, even if he knew he'd never be taken back. Only... House wasn't there. Knowing Vogler was out for blood, Chase had done everything he was able to make certain the asshole didn't realize House wasn't there.

He also wracked his brains, trying to think of a way that what Chase had admitted to Vogler, in a misbegotten attempt to help House, couldn't be used against House. Maybe if Chase told someone that he'd lied, that Vogler had coerced answers from him that weren't true? It would be Vogler on the line then. Of course, that was contingent on House not contradicting him with the truth. And telling the board he'd lied, under coercion or not, would likely result in him bring fired. But if it saved House and justified Wilson sticking up for the other man....

Finding Chase wasn't hard; the other doctor was running interference to try and make it seem like House was still there. Just busy. Wilson knew, because he'd done similar things more often than not.

Pausing in the doorway, Wilson raised his eyebrows as he took in Chase's appearance...the dark circles under his eyes; the strain obvious in his movements. There was no one else there, no one within earshot, so he felt safe in asking quietly, "Things didn't go well with House last night?"

Chase was too tired to be embarrassed at the fact he jumped like a scalded cat when Wilson asked his question. He gave the other man a look that conveyed how tired he was. The look also conveyed that he had all but given up. "What do you think? Vogler went after him. His brother in all but blood took a fall for him..." Chase's smile was miserable. "...And there was only one person Vogler could have got the information from." He finally looked away in shame. "I've suspected you've known for a while now. Is that why you came here? To make me see what I've caused? Nothing you say or do could make me regret it more..." he whispered.

Wilson shook his head. He closed the door behind him, making sure they had privacy so they could talk. "Vogler's had it in for House since day one. If it wasn't you, he would have found some other way." He sighed. "I admit, I was hoping you might be able to talk some sense into House...persuade him to play Vogler's game, at least temporarily."

"I don't think I can convince him of anything anymore. Especially not in regard to Vogler. He doesn't want to even see me, let alone talk to me. I waited for him last night. He barely could stand to glance at me when he came home. Didn't say anything except he didn't want to talk to me. Went in to bed and... He didn't order me to bed. Didn't tell me to sleep on the couch. Didn't even ask me to go to my own apartment for the night. He didn't care or want to know what I did. And I don't want to cause him more grief by making him look at me...." Chase shrugged listlessly, unaware he might have let a little more slip about his and House's relationship than intended, even if Wilson knew about them.

Wilson frowned and took a step closer to Chase. "He didn't care that you left?" That didn't sound like House...and hearing that put a whole new spin on the reason the other man hadn't shown up for work. House didn't have a problem telling someone to leave. Wilson shook his head again and spoke his thoughts out loud. "That doesn't sound like House."

"He told me he didn't want to deal with it, then just turned around and went to get ready for bed. I... " Chase swallowed hard, obviously trying to hold it together. "I didn't know what to do. Usually, if I mess up and he doesn't want to talk right away, he at least tells me what he wants me to do until he feels up to talking. He just turned around so he didn't have to see me. It seemed so clear that he didn't want to be around me... I couldn't blame him in the least... And now...."

"Chase...." Wilson paused briefly. "Yesterday was difficult. House's emotions would have been all over the place. But I'm fairly sure he wasn't expecting you to leave him. If he wanted that, he would have told you to get out."

"He didn't tell me what he wanted... I didn't know what to do... And after everything, I just wanted to make it better for him. Even if it made me miserable, I needed to make it better for him and I just thought better for him meant not seeing me..." Chase's voice caught. "Did I mess up again? Did I make it worse?" He looked up at Wilson with a tormented expression. "I've been trying to figure out how to fix things so Vogler doesn't win. I wrote a letter... Recanting everything I told him. Saying I lied. That I was just trying to cover up my own mistakes... As long as no one says that this letter is a lie, it might help... Maybe? Then maybe he could at least look at me...."

Wilson shook his head. Yesterday, he'd been upset at House; frustrated that his best friend, that his brother, wouldn't step in line and make things easy. Today, he knew that could never happen. House could never be a conventional doctor. It was his unconventional methods and personality that got the results that made him such a good doctor.

Reaching out, Wilson placed a hand on Chase's shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Vogler didn't share his source for the information. House knows, because he knows that there's only one person it could have come from. Don't give anyone that letter. It's more important that you go to House's apartment. House isn't here today. He normally would be. Normally, he'd be here to rub it in Vogler's face that he hasn't been fired yet." He paused briefly. "I think House hasn't come in because you left. And he didn't want that."

Chase slumped. "I did make it worse, then... Can't do anything right..." He rubbed his eyes wearily. "You think if I return it will help? I can't believe he doesn't hate me right now... But if returning helps, even if it is so he can beat me to a pulp, I'll do it."

The situation wasn't really amusing, but Wilson snorted slightly at the response. "House wouldn't beat you, no matter how angry he was. But he's come to work when he's been angry before. I don't think you'll be faced with anger when you go to him."

Chase's despondency turned to worry. "I... I'll go now..." he muttered, grabbing his personal items and moving to the door. "If he comes here before I get there?" He paused uncertainly, looking for guidance. Wilson offering suggestions was helping him focus, at least. He wasn't good at relationships, and he didn't know what it said about him that he'd be more comfortable if House beat him than House avoiding him. Avoidance was at least familiar to him. Maybe that was why he wasn’t comfortable with it.

"He won't," Wilson replied. "But if I'm wrong and if he does...I'll send him back."

Chase licked his lips and gave a quick nod, then left quickly. He had to consider himself lucky he wasn't pulled over. He was speeding and, given his level of exhaustion, no one would be blamed for wondering if he'd been drinking. He made it to House's apartment in record time, pulling into the parking spot crookedly before running up the stairs, not even wanting to wait for the elevator. When he reached the door to the apartment, however, he paused. Did he knock? Did he just let himself in? Swallowing uncertainly, he hesitantly raised his fist and knocked on the door.

It took a few moments for House to pull the door open. He looked pale, eyes bloodshot, clearly not having slept. There was a haunted look to his face that was mirrored in his voice as he whispered, "You came back."

At seeing how House looked as exhausted and torn apart as Chase felt inside, Chase couldn't help but choke a little as he attempted to regain control over the fear he felt that he'd broken everything irrevocably. "W... Wilson said I needed to. That... That I was wrong last night. You didn't want me to leave like I thought..." He choked again as tears suddenly started streaming down his face. "I was trying to do what I thought would be easier for you. That I thought you wanted. 'Cause I messed up so badly, you didn't even want to... Couldn't look at me... But he said I was wrong. That you didn't want me gone... So, I just messed up even more and made things worse and I'm sorry, but I don’t... don't know how to make it better and I just keep failing...." Chase was full on sobbing by this point, his rambling explanation barely understandable.

House didn't say anything...couldn't say anything, other than those three broken words. When Chase broke down, he lurched forward, unsteady on his feet, and wrapped his arms around the other man, holding on tight. He drew in a deep, ragged breath, his throat and eyes stinging. He suspected his own tears weren't that far off.

By this point, Chase was barely able to hold himself up, House holding onto him so tightly the only reason he hadn't fallen into the floor in the hallway in front of the apartment door. "I'm sorry..." was repeated numerous times, as he clung to his older mate. He was desperate for House to believe him.

House could feel the exhaustion in Chase's body, that his lover wasn't able to hold himself up. And if they had to rely entirely on House's strength, they'd both end up on the floor. Quickly, House closed the door and led Chase over to the couch, sinking down onto it and pulling his lover in close.

Chase clung to House, apologizing, and sobbing until he dehydrated himself and couldn't cry... Until his voice gave out and he couldn't verbally apologize. Still, he clung, afraid if he let go, he'd find that House would decide he wasn't worth the heartache and verbally tell him to leave for good. That it wouldn't be a misunderstanding.

House continued to hold Chase, reluctant to let the other man go, but he could tell that Chase was dehydrated...that he wasn't crying because there were simply no more tears left to shed. So, he reached out and retrieved a bottle of water from the coffee table, uncapped it, and held it for Chase to easily drink.

Chase obediently drank before giving House a feverish, repentant, torn look. "I don't wanna lose you..." he admitted, in a broken whisper.

"I didn't want you to leave." House let his hand gently cup Chase's cheek. "I was too angry and hurt to handle this last night. That didn't mean I wanted you to leave."

"I thought... I'm stupid... Did everything wrong all around..." Chase closed his eyes and pressed his cheek into House's hand. "I didn't know what to do... Just felt like making you see me when... After... I should have stayed. Slept on the couch. Waited till you told me to leave, instead of assuming.... I'm so sorry. I didn't sleep at all last night. Afraid you could never forgive me. That you hated me. Didn't know what to do...." Chase admitted.

House gently stroked his thumb over Chase's lips. "I don't hate you." His voice was a hoarse whisper. "I could never hate you. I never wanted you to leave," he repeated, pain filling his own voice. He hadn't slept either, knowing that Chase had left and not knowing why...if Chase's actions had meant he no longer wanted their relationship; no longer wanted to be with House.

"I messed up everything... Can never make it right... I... If I can find a way to discredit Vogler... I'll do anything to make it right... To prove I'm sorry... I never meant to hurt you... Was trying to help you... Should never have listened to Vogler... Filling my head with fear that you would be fired or worse If he didn't help, fooling me into telling him things I should never have told... You should hate me...." Chase ended in a broken whisper.

House wrapped his other arm tighter around Chase, pulling the other man in closer and tighter. "I don't," he whispered, his voice low and intense. His fingers trembled against Chase's skin, almost as if he too was afraid that his lover would disappear if he didn't hold on tight. He needed to feel bare skin and he quickly tugged Chase's shirt free so that his hands could find it.

Chase shivered, quivering in House's grip as his fears that House wouldn't want him eased. He could feel his lover tugging on his shirt and it took little thought at all to pull it off, tossing it on the floor, so House could touch where he wanted. "Was so afraid you didn't want me. Only want to be with you. Hurt being away from you...."

Pressing a kiss to Chase's shoulder, some of the tension seeped out of House as his fingers stroked up and down the other man's back, gently squeezing every so often. "I want you. I need you." He closed his eyes, nuzzled into Chase's neck, and said the next words barely above a whisper. "I love you."

Chase relaxed further at the affection and words. "I love you too... So much. Need you... Need to be with you... Never wanna be apart from you again..." Chase said, his breathing ragged. He shifted and pressed his body whichever way was needed to allow House easy access.

"You're not leaving me again." House spoke the words into Chase's neck, letting his hands slide down towards his lover's pants. He unfastened them, pulling them down and off, following those with Chase's underwear...leaving the other man naked.

"No, sir... Won't... Never again..." Chase promised.

"Good." House began to stroke down Chase's chest, over his back, down his shoulders. The touches weren't about sex or even arousal; they were about drawing his lover back to him.

Chase whimpered softly, pressing against House. His complete nakedness against House's being completely clothed left him feeling helpless and vulnerable and like House was in control. He needed to feel that.

House slid his hands over Chase's body, pushing his lover closer to him. He pressed several kisses against Chase's neck and shoulder, blinking rapidly to stop his own tears from falling. He couldn't stop his fingers from shaking where they held onto Chase, though.

Chase moved and stayed wherever and exactly how House moved him, needing to give all control to his lover...to feel that House truly still wanted him. He let his own hands caress and hold onto his mate wherever possible, though, nuzzling and kissing when able.

His leg made moving hard, but House was still able to gently push Chase down onto the couch. One hand grasped his lover's, holding them both up and out of the way, allowing him more control.

Chase whimpered softly, feeling his hands restrained by House. He obediently held them where House put them.

With Chase's hands out of the way, House was free to touch, stroke and kiss every part of his mate's body. Gradually, the trembling in his fingers eased...but his desire, his need, was still just as strong.

Chase was just as needy. His lover hadn't touched his member at all, but he was still fully hard, aroused, just by House taking over and being gentle. His fear that he'd pushed the older man away eased as House physically showed him that he still belonged. "...Love you..." he whispered. "Love you and need you and belong to you...."

House didn't touch Chase's member, even though he could see that his lover was fully aroused. His fingers ghosted around Chase's nipples, gently squeezing, and tweaking each of them. "I love you." The words were uttered in a whisper, hoarse with emotion.

Chase whimpered, his member twitching and his nipples becoming hard, achy pebbles. He held still, though, not pushing for anything; wanting and willing to accept anything House gave to him or allowed. He wanted to show House he wanted to be with him and that he could listen to his mate, instead of just jumping forward doing whatever seemed best to him without input. Allowing House to determine what was done to or for him was a very, very small way to do that.

Leaning forward, House flicked his tongue over one of the nipples and then took it into his mouth. He grazed the sensitive nub with his teeth and then began to lightly suck.

Chase whimpered, then whined softly. He wasn't able to hold completely still, squirming under and for House, but he managed not to pull away. His breathing was erratic.

Even though Chase wasn't entirely still, was squirming, he was still submitting...and that was soothing something in House far more than anything else could have done. Eventually, he released the nipple he was sucking on and turned his attention to the other, drawing it into his mouth and beginning to suck and gently bite.

Chase just continued to submit to House's whims, squirming helplessly, whining and whimpering. His member was weeping precum by this point, but he held on. He belonged to House, and nothing would happen without his lover's command. He needed to give himself completely to make up for almost taking himself away. His heart wouldn't allow anything less.

Satisfied with the state he'd reduced Chase's other nipple to, House released it and gently bit down to his lover's member. Reaching it, he drew it into his mouth, allowing his teeth to graze over the tip.

Chase let out tiny, needy sobs at feeling the bites, the sting causing him to become more sensitive. Feeling his lover's teeth scraping over the most vulnerable part of him caused his emotions to overwhelm him. He was completely at House's mercy. His mate could hurt as easy as he could make him feel good. He dropped slightly.

House moved his hands to Chase's hips, holding his lover still as he tasted the younger man. His fingers gripped a bit more firmly; not enough to leave bruises or even to hurt, but enough that his control could be felt.

Chase let out another tiny sob of need, his member twitching in House's mouth as more precum pooled in his tip. He was grateful House held him down. His instincts were warring between thrusting into the hot wet of his lover's mouth, or to squirm away from the pleasurable pain. House's grip insured he could do neither, instead having to take the pleasure-pain the same as he had to give House his flavor.

House sucked harder, moving down until Chase was as deep as he could go. He then squeezed his mate's hips, giving silent permission...or perhaps an order...to let go.

Chase's breath caught in his throat as he obeyed, releasing hard for House. When he finally stopped quaking and spasming, emptying into his lover's mouth, he felt drained and empty. He also felt like he belonged and had hope because of that. He drew in a ragged breath as he lay limp and pliant under House. "...Yours..." he said, in a satisfied tone.

House slowly released Chase's member, after making sure he'd taken everything, and gently squeezed the younger man's hips. "Mine." He felt calmer, more settled, than he had done since Chase had left the previous night.

Chase felt calmer, settled, having given himself over to House and not being turned away. He lay still as his breathing settled as well, content to continue letting House be in charge. Mostly still. He opened his legs a little wider so his mate could fit between them more easily and slightly raised them; an obvious offering for House to take his own pleasure and release in him.

In other circumstances, House would probably have taken his time in preparing Chase. They'd certainly done it often enough. But the pain of Chase leaving...of not knowing if his lover would come back...still lingered below the surface. He was already half-hard. It took little thought at all to remove his own pants, to retrieve the lube and coat himself in it...and then to push inside Chase.

Chase hissed softly as House pushed in. It didn't hurt- he wasn't a virgin and House had put on lube- but he was tighter than he would be if he'd been stretched first, and it was slightly uncomfortable...in a good way. Having House just push in and take what he wanted eased what little amount of fear Chase might have had left about his lover giving him up. House wasn't going to send him away or let him go. He gave his mate a tiny, trembling smile and pulled his knees up closer to his shoulders, so that he was wide open for House to thrust into.

As he began to thrust, House leaned in and kissed Chase, hard and deep, pushing his tongue into his younger mate's mouth. He wasn't gentle in his thrusts or in his kiss, wanting and needing to ensure Chase felt him for as long as possible once they were done.

Groaning at the rougher, dominating, and possessive treatment, Chase opened his mouth to accept the kiss, accepting House's tongue as eagerly as he accepted the older man's cock. He kept his hands above his head in a show of submission and trust; no longer afraid that House would leave him, so not needing to cling and grasp onto him, though he wasn't against the idea of doing either for non-fearful reasons.

It didn't take long for House's member to grow and swell to full hardness inside Chase. It wouldn't take much to push him over the edge and his kiss became harder...almost more desperate...as he felt himself teeter on the edge.

Chase returned the kiss just as desperately, finally shifting his hands down to hold onto his mate; not because he was afraid House would leave if he didn't hold on, but because he needed to let House know he was a willing participant and wanted what was happening. He groaned again, feeling himself stretching to accommodate his lover growing in him. He knew he'd be feeling his mate for the rest of the day and it made him happy, warm and content. Even if he wasn't rousing again, it felt good to him feeling his lover rubbing as deep as possible and filling him. He impulsively squeezed around House's member, to try and make it feel better for the older man.

House groaned softly into Chase's mouth as his mate squeezed around him. That mere action sent a spark of pleasure through him, and he was quickly releasing hard inside Chase, fingers gripping his lover's hips tighter.

Chase moaned, feeling House's release filling him, covering every part of him inside and soothing. He felt complete for the first time since the whole mess had started, the wounds caused by his own actions being healed by House's claiming. He wrapped his arms and legs tightly around his mate, not wanting the closeness or the claiming to end, even if House had finished.

House didn't pull out. The kiss turned gentler and he pressed himself wordlessly against Chase, needing the contact as it settled and soothed the last of the lingering pain deep inside him.

Chase's own desperation turned gentler in response. It was obvious he was still submitting to House, though. He was reluctant to take over any part of what was happening, his need to be okay with his lover after how badly he'd messed up making him hesitant to be assertive. He pulled away from the kiss reluctantly, but he needed to breathe. Hiding his face against House's shoulder, he drew in a deep, shivering breath and nuzzled.

Closing his eyes, House wrapped his arms around Chase in a hug that, although tight, wasn't as desperate as it had been when the younger man had turned up outside his apartment. He kissed Chase's hair and let the contact soothe him even more.

When Chase had calmed enough to talk, he kissed House's shoulder, then whispered, "I'll make it right. I'll sign a letter... Say everything I told Vogler was a lie that he coerced and encouraged. He can't prove it wasn't. His reasons for going after you and then firing Wilson would be null. He'd have to back off...."

Wilson had told him that no one knew he'd been the one to give the information, but if he came clean and made up a believable reason for why he'd lie about something like that....  He didn't care what might happen to him because of it. As far as he was concerned, it would only be what he deserved for being foolish enough to trust Vogler; and for making such a huge decision to tell information without talking to House first.

"You're not going to do that." House let his fingers stroke gently through Chase's hair. "Vogler might want to get rid of me, but my position in the hospital is better than yours. Yes, you made a mistake. But I'm not going to allow you to risk your job over it."

"It's my fault everything is so messed up..." Chase said softly, guilt thick in his voice. "I should have talked with you, if I was afraid for you. Not listened to Vogler. Especially when it should have been so obvious, he didn't have any real information and didn't really want to help me protect you. I fell right into his trap, and you and Wilson are the ones paying for it...."

"You should have talked to me," House agreed. "Especially when Vogler first came to you. But making a mistake doesn't mean you losing your job over it."

"I can't make it right, though... Not if I don't do something to discredit Vogler..." Chase swallowed hard and pressed his face against House's shoulder. "You and Wilson will pay for my mistake, and I can't do anything to make it right...."

House carefully sat up, so that he could cuddle Chase with them both sitting upright. "It's not your responsibility to fix. Vogler isn't even the worst thing I've faced since becoming a doctor. Wilson might not be on the board currently, but he won't be gone for long. He's too damned good at what he does."

Chase remained pliant enough that House could shift them, but he kept his arms and legs wrapped around the older man. "Still feels wrong. I mess up so badly and you and Wilson are the ones who pay, and have to clean up my mess. I'm just grateful you forgave me and still want me..." he admitted, in a whisper. "I don't deserve you."

House snorted softly at that comment. "You're about the only one willing and able to see through me...apart from Wilson, but I never wanted to get into his pants. If you still want me despite the walls I put up, you shouldn't be surprised that I still want you."

Chase nuzzled and kissed House's shoulder and chest before looking up. "I wanted you from the day I met you... Need you... You are strong and confident and... brilliant! I can never stop second-guessing myself. It's why what I did is so horrible, though. As insecure and uncertain of my choice as I was, I never stopped to think that maybe that was a sign I should ask you before doing anything. I might be a good doctor, but I'm stupid about everything else." He sighed sadly, still snuggling as close as possible. He whispered, "If I can't make things right by discrediting Vogler, I don't know how to make it right.... Part of me wishes you were the type to beat me bloody for what I did. Least that way, I could pay in some way for hurting you."

House shook his head. "I'd never be able to do that. No matter what you'd done." His fingers were stroking gently down Chase's back, threading through his lover's hair.

"Yeah. I know..." Chase snuggled, letting his head rest on House's shoulder. "Still... Feels like I deserve it. After what I did and the problems it caused, just because I didn't talk to you the way I should have, I should be punished. I'm the one that should be suffering. Not you and Wilson."

"You didn't think things through. You made an error in judgement. I'd be more inclined to say that you deserve a spanking rather than a beating." House wasn't entirely serious, even if he was in saying that he'd never be able to beat his lover.

Chase leaned back to look into his lover's eyes, unable to tell if he was serious or joking. He had to admit to himself that he was hoping he was serious. "Would you?" he asked hesitantly. "I hurt you because of not thinking. I gave Vogler ammunition against you that led to Wilson losing a position that matters to him. All because I got scared and didn't think. And then I made it worse by walking out last night because I assumed things..." His voice caught and he blinked back tears. "I can't help feeling like I deserve for you to hurt me, even if I know you would never... But maybe… if you sp... spanked me...."

"You want me to spank you?" House placed a hand on Chase's cheek, looking into his lover's eyes. "Not for sex? For punishment?" he asked, to clarify...to understand. He wasn't against the idea. Not if Chase thought it might help. Not if it might help his lover feel better emotionally about what had happened.

Chase looked into House's eyes and forced himself not to look away when he answered. He felt ashamed of what he'd done and admitting he needed to be punished for it was hard and embarrassing, but House needed to see he meant it when he answered. "Yes, sir." He swallowed again, continuing, "I hurt you and I can't forgive myself, even if you forgave me. If you punished me, I'd feel like at least I'd paid a little and... Since you are who I betrayed, it feels more like justice that you be the one to punish me anyway...." He bit his lip. "You know I was in the scene before, but while I might have played around, I was never into the 'punishing' play. I wouldn't get turned on by it," he added, in case his lover was worried about that.

House's thumb gently ghosted over Chase's lips, barely even aware that he was doing the action. "If we're doing this...if you're asking me to do this...we're laying out some ground rules before we even start," he said seriously. "I said I won't beat you and I mean it. That includes using an implement. That's not going to happen."

Chase nodded mutely at the words, relaxing as House all but promised only to use his hand. He hadn't even realized he was nervous about the possibility of an implement until House vetoed it. His mouth opened slightly in response to House's thumb rubbing it.

"Also," House continued, his voice still as serious as it had ever been. "This might not be for play, but it's also not a contest or game, either. It gets too much, and you need it to stop? You say. That's if it's too much physically or emotionally. I'm willing to punish you if you feel like you need it, but I'm not willing to break you."

Chase blinked at that. "Yessir... But... What if I don't know? How do I know so I can tell you if I need to?" he asked, softly but fervently. He wanted to cooperate as much as possible. He was asking a lot of his lover and wouldn't make it difficult if he could avoid it.

"I think this is one of those situations that you need to rely on your gut...your instincts," House replied. "If it feels wrong, in any way, it needs to stop."

"Okay..." Chase swallowed and nodded. "...I'll tell you if that happens. And if it turns out I was just being a scared baby, then...." He shrugged helplessly, with a sheepish smile.

"We'll deal with it." House brushed a tender kiss against Chase's lips, allowing himself to taste his lover for a few moments. Then, carefully, he helped Chase to lay across his lap, adjusting the younger man's position so that no weight was on House's bad leg.

Chase's kiss was filled with his gratitude that House would help him in this way. He cooperated as much as he was able, so that his lover could do what was needed without hurting himself. "Thank you..." he whispered, putting his hands behind his back in an act of submission. He was giving House complete control over what was about to happen. The only thing he had control over was if it needed to stop. 

Taking Chase's hands, House squeezed them gently, holding them out of the way. He rubbed his free hand down his lover's back, providing comfort and reassurance, before his hand moved down to Chase's backside. He lifted it and brought it down in a firm, though not too hard smack, that he then repeated.

Chase jerked in surprise at the sting, surprised at how quickly it hurt, then felt foolish at being surprised. The whole point of being spanked was for it to hurt; physical discomfort and pain to make up for the emotional discomfort and pain he'd caused his lover. He gently squeezed House's hand back, letting the older man know he was okay for it to continue.

House paused when he felt the jerk, but when Chase squeezed his hand, he realized it wasn't a signal he needed to stop. Still holding onto his lover, he continued to smack, spreading the swats out evenly as he went down to Chase's thighs and then began again from the top.

Even though he'd asked for this... asked to have House spank his bare butt until he felt he'd paid, at least a little... Chase couldn't help but begin to squirm at the repetitive smacks. He tried to be careful, not wanting to accidentally hurt House's leg, but he couldn't hold still, no matter how hard he tried. Any more than he could keep himself from beginning to whimper and whine softly as the sting built up into a sharp, burning ache. He had to give House credit; the man didn't do anything by halves. Once he'd agreed to punish Chase, he was making sure the punishment would be memorable.

Keeping a careful eye on Chase's reactions, so that he would know if he needed to stop, House gripped his lover's hands that bit tighter as he began a third circuit of smacks, going a fraction harder and faster. And then he began to speak, his voice low and calm. "Vogler isn't the one you should be trusting. He isn't the one you should put your faith in. Even if he wasn't out to get me fired, he still shouldn't be the first person you turn to."

Chase closed his eyes tightly, tears immediately filling them and streaming down his face at the reminder. "Should turn to you first, trust you... I'm sorry..." he said, his voice high pitched and tear-filled.

House gripped Chase's hands tighter, able to hear the tears in his lover's voice. "I know you're sorry. And I forgive you. I... need you in my life, Chase." A note of raw vulnerability crept into his voice.

Chase gripped back just as tightly. Hearing the understanding in his lover's voice, along with the forgiveness offered- hearing the raw vulnerability- along with the now sharp, hot pain on his bottom, enabled him to let go of the guilt he'd been holding onto. He slumped over House's knee and just cried out his sorrow and shame but continued to hold tightly to House's hand. "Need you... Love you... Never wanna be away from you..." he whispered, between his tears.

Even if House hadn't already forgiven Chase, he couldn't have forced himself to continue past his younger mate giving up and crying. He carefully moved Chase back into his arms, cuddling his lover tightly and kissing his head. "I love you," he whispered...words he didn't say often, but that he knew Chase needed to hear right now. And words that he needed to say.

Shivering, Chase turned enough to wrap his own arms tightly around House and held tight. Hearing the words, as well as the physical comfort, helped calm him. Eventually, he was quietly cuddling on House's lap, his face tearstained and blotchy. His eyes were peaceful, though. "It helped," he finally whispered. "My bottom burns, but I think... I don't feel so hopelessly guilty. Thank you...."

"I'm glad about that. It would have been a waste of time if it didn't help." House tenderly kissed Chase's lips, tasting the tears.

Chase couldn't help but smile at that observation and kissed back. "We... We're okay now, aren't we?" he asked, hesitantly but hopefully.

"Better than okay," House promised. "Though having said that...given neither of us slept last night...I think a nap might do wonders for us both."

"A nap sounds wonderful..." Chase agreed, nuzzling his lover like a sleepy kitten.

Brushing a kiss against Chase's head, House murmured, "We'll need to move through to the bedroom. It'll be more comfortable."

Snuggling a few moments more, Chase carefully stood, wincing slightly as his bottom rubbed against House's pants, and held out a hand to help his mate stand. He wasn't bashful at all about being fully naked while House was clothed. He wasn't bashful about his reddened bottom being on display, either; it had been House who reddened it, after all. And maybe seeing Chase's sore, red backside would reinforce the fact Chase was truly sorry and wanted things to be right between them.

Taking Chase's hand, House stood up and wrapped his arm around his lover; partly for support, but also to keep the younger man close. "I missed you being next to me last night." The admittance was made in a voice barely above a whisper. House was taking a chance in letting Chase see more of his vulnerability.

"I missed being next to you..." Chase responded. "It will feel good being held to sleep," he admitted.

"Good." House hadn't bothered to change out of his pajamas for the day, so when they reached his bedroom, all he had to do was guide Chase over to the bed and settle down with his arms wrapped around his lover.

Chase pressed as close as humanly possible, his head on House's chest, and soon fell asleep. He didn't even ask to put on his own pajamas. It was comforting to leave himself vulnerable to his mate so House could take care of him.

Holding onto Chase, it didn't take long for House to also slip into sleep. The feeling that something had been wrong was finally gone.

****

Chase didn't know how long he'd slept for. What he was aware of was someone's phone ringing. He couldn't say for certain if it was his or House's, though. He blearily opened his eyes and made a grumpy, whining sound, hiding his face against House's chest.

House stirred as he heard the phone ringing, but he didn't reach out to pick it up, perfectly content to continue cuddling Chase.

Chase settled as House cuddled him instead of answering the phone. "Should prolly call in sick or something..." he finally mumbled a minute later. "Was meant to let Wilson know, so he could make note so it wouldn't be held against you that you weren't there...." He sounded sheepish. He'd completely forgotten why Wilson had sent him, in his need to reconnect with his lover.

House snorted softly. "I'm sure I don't need to explain it wouldn't be the first time Wilson's covered for me. Besides. He didn't need to make a note that I wasn't there. Whatever he said to you, it was only so that you'd come back here."

Chase thought about that before mumbling, "Yeah. You're right. Think he was gonna throttle me when I told him I'd not been here last night...."

"I thought you'd changed your mind." House didn't add the words 'about us', but they hung in his mind even so.

"I thought you didn't want me anymore... After...." Chase swallowed and snuggled closer, the remembered pain of thinking he'd broken too much trust and House could never forgive him, let alone stomach the sight of him, making him clingy. "He thought I should know better. I think he gives me more credit for being observant and smart than I deserve..." he huffed faintly.

"You're plenty observant. And you're plenty smart." House brushed a kiss against Chase's head. "But you let your insecurities get in the way. If I didn't want you here, I would have told you to leave. If I didn't want you, I'd have no trouble telling you that."

"Yeah. I know..." Chase nuzzled House's chest. "It was just hard to think about or remember that when I felt so guilty. I couldn't imagine you could forgive me...."

"Well. I do forgive you. And I'm glad you came back." House gently ran his hand down Chase's back. "So, this spanking. Are we planning for it to be a one-time only event?"

Chase stilled for a few seconds, before pulling back enough he could look into House's eyes. "W... Would you be weirded out if I said I hope not?" He swallowed and bit his lip. "I'm not turned on by it, but... Having you take control and hold me accountable for my poor decisions... It helped. And... I dunno, but I feel safer... Secure... Now...."

House nodded slowly. "If it's something you need...something that will help you...I don't see any reason not to use it again. With the existing caveats still in place, of course."

Chase nodded somberly. "You're in control of that... If I was, it wouldn't work..." His smile was rueful. "I... Having you in control feels good. Right..." he admitted uncertainly.

"Does that mean you want me to have that control in other areas, too?" House asked carefully.

Chase gave it serious thought. "I think... I want us to discuss things, but if it is an important decision and we disagree on what should be done, you have the final say...." Chase flushed faintly. "And if you wanted to be more controlling during sex, I wouldn't dislike it."

House nodded slowly. "I think I can do both of those things. Quite easily."

Chase's grin was a bit more impish. "Kinda didn't think you'd dislike being in charge..." He bit his lip. "...Just wasn't sure how to ask... Or if I should. If it would worry you that I need that..." he said softly. "I don't want to lose you because I'm..." He shrugged faintly, but it was obvious what he avoided saying: that he was messed up, more trouble than he was worth, a disappointment, a mistake that he wished he could undo....

"Whatever negative things you're thinking about yourself need to stop," House said firmly. "You aren't messed up, you're not causing any trouble...and I want you to tell me if there's something you want or something you need. We might not be able to be entirely open about our relationship, but that doesn't mean you hide from me."

Chase gave House an abashed look and nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about it as hiding from you, but you're right. I need to let you know... I'll do better..." He bit his lip. "I'll try not to be negative, but...it's hard not to," he admitted reluctantly.

"When you're feeling that type of way, talk to me," House said. "You don't even need to say exactly what's on your mind. Just  an indicator that you've fallen into that head space will do." Rubbing his hand down Chase's back, he continued, "I really think therapy might be of some help. A professional will be able to give you coping mechanisms and redirections I wouldn't be able to think of."

Chase wrinkled his nose at the idea but didn't discount it immediately. "Maybe. I know sometimes, I let myself fall into old thinking patterns that aren't healthy...." He snuggled, letting out a happy sound at how House was stroking him.

"I'm probably not the best person to help you out of those, considering my own thought patterns at times," House said wryly, even as he continued stroking Chase's back and through his hair.

"S'long as I can come home to you after talking and just... be...like this," Chase admitted, before nuzzling House's chest.

"Of course. Any time," House promised. "Maybe...." He hesitated, before speaking in a more hesitant voice. "Maybe you don't have to come here just after therapy. Or just a few days a week. Why don't...we move in together?" He'd been thinking about it for a while, but never been quite sure Chase would want that.

Chase looked up, wide eyed and uncertainly hopeful. "I... If you think we can... Without it putting your position even more at risk... I'd like that. My place doesn't feel like home anymore..." He swallowed and gave a sheepishly bashful smile. "No place feels like home unless I'm with you," he said quietly.

"I'd like you with me," House said quietly. "I know I'm not the best with the feelings...at talking about feelings...but I need you." His voice was open and honest. When they were alone, he didn't tend to use sarcasm to deflect.

"I can go to my place... Get what little remains of my stuff...." His smile was amused, "...Since I discovered that ninety percent of my belongings are already here. My lease is up at the end of the month, so... I just won't renew it."

House nodded. "I'd offer to help you, but I'm not sure I'd be of much use with my leg."

"Won't be much help needed. Like I said... Ninety percent of my stuff is already here..." Chase huffed in amusement, before nuzzling House's chest again. "I could probably convince Foreman to help me if I promise him a six pack and a steak dinner. Wilson too, for that matter... Since he knows about us, despite our being careful...."

House snorted softly at that. "I'd have been more surprised if Wilson didn't know."

Chase grinned at that. "Guess it's good he did. Since he talked sense into me..." He leaned up and kissed House chastely.

Returning the kiss, House said softly, "That's something I'm grateful for."

"Me too. Immensely grateful..." Chase kissed again, before cuddling some more.

House fell silent and just continued to cuddle Chase, perfectly content to spend the rest of the day with his lover.

The End