At The End of The Run

Summary: Follows Only Chance of Survival. Grant should be dead. Coulson doesn’t want that though.
Warning(s): D/s; M/m; sexual situations; suggested non-con (alluded to not written; consent given after); slave spell; Spoilers for Season 3 Agents of Shield; AU; some mild descriptions of injuries being treated; suggestions of physical and emotional abuse
Pairings: Mordo/Stephen Strange; Phil Coulson/Grant Ward

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Grant followed behind Jemma and Coulson as quickly as he could, considering he'd been shot. This day had not gone according to plan by any means. It had started tame enough; watching the morning news where Baron Mordo and Stephen Strange were interviewed about the bond they had formed to combat some magical item's hold over Strange. It had progressed to Grant going through a monolithic portal looking for a being called Hive... and finding Jemma Simmons and some astronaut that had disappeared decades before (and should have been much older). Coulson had followed behind him at some point, he didn't know when. He had discovered the astronaut was some monster that lived in corpses (and actually the being he was looking for- he was going to kill Malik for not giving him all the information).

The highlight of his day had been being shot in the leg, but he wasn't entirely sure who had shot him. Unfortunately, the wound was bad enough that if he didn't get medical attention, he would eventually die from it, either from bleeding out, or due to infection. And his erstwhile ex-teammates were booking it toward the only exit off this hellscape. He had no doubts they'd happily leave him behind, but he had no intention of that happening. There was no way he'd become a meat suit for some parasitic inhuman ancestor. So, he followed as quickly as he could.

So quickly, he didn't notice who was waiting for him.

Coulson had long since given up on finding some semblance of peace, let alone happiness. He'd thought it was possible, way back before HYDRA had made its move; before so many of the agents he'd trusted had turned out to be bad guys...and the fact that Grant Ward hadn't been the person he'd claimed to be, and had turned so completely against the team and against Coulson...even if Coulson had known he could never act on or give voice to his feelings, he'd never expected betrayal on that scale.

And it had grown, with every possible chance Grant Ward might have had to redeem himself being thrown back into everyone's face. It was at the point now that Coulson knew he should put the man down, like a rabid dog who'd turned feral and vicious.

But then again, Grant Ward had always been feral and vicious. He'd just hidden it well.

Making sure that Jemma went through the portal, Coulson stayed behind...intending to face Ward and end this, once and for all. He drew his gun, and he aimed it at the approaching figure who was limping, and his finger tightened on the trigger.

And he couldn't pull it.

Coulson swore, viciously and bitterly, under his breath. He holstered his gun and headed towards Grant Ward. He grabbed the man by the collar with his metallic hand and hauled him towards the portal, cursing his own conscience...his own feelings...with every step that he took.

Grant hadn't been expecting Coulson to be waiting for him... had thought he'd go through with Jemma and close it behind them to leave Grant stranded. But if he hadn't expected Coulson to be waiting, he also hadn't expected him to not shoot again. To not kill. To... grab him by the back of the neck like an unruly puppy and drag him through the portal with him....

Grant had been too surprised at first to try and break free. And then they were falling through the portal, and it was disorienting. More disorienting than it had been going through it the first time, most likely due to his blood loss. By the time he got his wits about him to fight... well. He knew fighting would be pointless. He hadn't intended to be left behind to become some monster's meat suit. He also had no intention of dying and right now, he needed help; and he didn't have time to fight and break free and then get far enough away to search for the help he needed. He had to rely on the mercy of his enemies if he didn't want to die.

Hunching in on himself, he glanced around at everyone surrounding him before finally focusing on Coulson, an angry, sullen, challenging look in his eyes. Coulson had always claimed that everyone could be saved, but he hadn't seemed to feel that way about Grant. Grant had tried, but nothing he'd done had convinced any of them that he wanted to change. It had done the opposite, in fact. Some small part of him wondered if it wasn't because there was just something innately wrong with him that he couldn't relate to people and give them what they were looking for. The other part of him thought that Coulson just didn't want to give him another chance, and so anything Grant did would automatically be the wrong thing.  He certainly never told Grant what he was doing wrong when Grant thought he was doing everything asked of him. Garrett had never told Grant what he was doing wrong either, though; he just punished him and expected him to figure it out. Maybe there was something innately wrong with him.

And he was becoming distracted with something that wasn't important at all...

Shaking his head, Grant tried to straighten up to face his enemy from a position of strength, and promptly fell over, out cold.

Coulson had noticed the wound in Grant's leg, but he'd been more focused on getting them both through the portal than on treating the wound. When Grant fell over, Coulson quickly moved over to the younger man's side, beginning to put pressure on the wound. "He needs medical attention...." He made a split-second decision. "We should get him to Doctor Strange. As soon as possible."

"Seriously?" Daisy looked at him with narrowed eyes, her disappointment obvious. "This is Ward. All he's done is betray us and turn against us, over and over again. And you're going to save him? Just like that?"

Coulson glanced up at her, then at the rest of the group. "You can help me or not, but I'm getting him medical attention. He's not going to be set free to wreak havoc, though."

Jemma sighed but began gathering whatever medical items were close at hand to at least stem the flow of blood. "How are we going to get him to Doctor Strange? We're several hours away from New York, if he is even at his sanctum," she said clinically, not wanting to make her boss angry by showing her own irritation at his wanting to help Ward. She had no doubt he'd do as he said and go without them, and it was better if he had backup. At least until they reached the sorcerers who could help subdue Ward.

May just shook her head and pulled out her phone, dialing a number and speaking into the phone when someone on the other end answered.

Seconds after she hung up, a portal was being opened to their location and Wong was peering through. "Well, come on, then. Mordo and Strange are waiting for you in a warded room. Strange has his equipment so he can treat him..." He glanced toward Ward.

Coulson just nodded. He leaned down and carefully picked up Ward...treating him with far more gentleness and care than he knew any of them would expect from him. It was more than he expected from himself, to be honest.

He's a viper. If you hold him to your breast, he won't hesitate to bite you.

Coulson pushed aside that warning thought. Maybe he was making a mistake. Maybe. But leaving Ward to bleed out wasn't acceptable, either. He was probably a fool. It was pretty obvious the rest of the team thought that too. But still, he carefully carried Ward through the portal, so that the younger man could be treated.

Wong let the portal close immediately behind Coulson. Strange didn't need any of the others present to treat Ward; and he and Mordo didn't need any of their help in keeping a prisoner contained. Of course, it helped that the man being carried to the secured room was still out cold.

As Coulson carried the unconscious Grant into the medical room, Mordo immediately straightened up. Do you need any help from me? he asked Stephen through the bond.

Coulson waited for instructions, holding the unconscious man in a way that would make sure Ward wouldn't lose any more blood.

I believe I can handle it. But if you would please stay close in case he wakes up and starts to fight. I will not be able to concentrate on healing him and controlling him... Stephen thought. "Put him here..." Strange stood next to a table that had a bag of plasma and blood hanging next to it, as well as apparatus to operate. "I will get the bullet out and then stitch him up. Give him enough blood to stabilize him. Are you familiar with basic medical instruments?" he asked Coulson.

Of course, Mordo replied, moving so that he'd be out of the way...but still close enough to help if needed.

"I am familiar with basic medical equipment," Coulson answered, as he carefully placed Ward where Stephen indicated. "I only have one flesh hand, though, so anything delicate that requires two hands might be beyond my capabilities."

"I mainly need you to be available to hand me items..." Stephen reassured. "And let me know if he starts waking up, because if he does, Mordo will need to hold him down. Unfortunately, I do not have anesthesia...."  He waited until Coulson was in position and then began to operate.

Coulson moved quickly so that he could easily hand Stephen the items that were needed. He watched the proceedings with a half-worried, half-scared look on his face that he didn't even realize was showing.

Luckily, the shot was clean, and the bullet was easy to locate. Stephen had quickly removed it and stitched the wound, giving Grant the needed blood that would keep him alive. They had cut Grant's clothing off him in order to perform the operation; it was obvious that the gunshot wasn't the only wound. The others had been cleaned, at least, but between the wounds and the fact Grant was leaner than he should have been for a man of his height and muscle tone, it was obvious it had been a very hard few years since Coulson last spent any time with him. "There is another room nearby you can move him to that is also secure. And clean. It also has a sink. If you want to clean him up, I can bring washcloths and a towel," Stephen offered, after visibly looking toward Mordo for permission.

"Yes. I would appreciate that." Coulson nodded; his eyes fixed on Ward's body. He hadn't realized how many wounds the younger man had sustained...how much mistreatment there'd been. And the sight of those wounds and how thin and lean Grant was stirred those protective feelings he'd thought long since buried.

"I can help you move him so that you don't have to worry about putting strain on his wounds," Mordo offered, stepping forward.

Having received permission from Mordo to get the towels and washcloths, Stephen left the room. Mordo and Coulson could handle anything that happened while he was gone. He didn't expect Grant to awaken for at least another hour or two, anyway. He needed time for his body to adjust to the blood transfusion.

Mordo used his power to help move Grant, leading Coulson through to the other room and settling Grant on the bed there. "I will seal the door with magic, so that only you can open it from this side," he said to Coulson.

"Thank you," Coulson replied. As soon as Grant was settled on the bed, he moved to the side of it. As soon as Stephen brought the items, Coulson would take care of cleaning and treating the rest of the wounds he could see on the younger man's body.

Stephen hadn't taken long to bring the items to Coulson. "Do you need anything else from me? Do you have a change of clothes for him, or...?"

"This wasn't exactly planned," Coulson admitted. "I don't have anything for him...no changes of clothes, no toiletries." He didn't have anything for himself either, but his own comfort was barely a thought.

"I brought a cleanser that doesn't need to be rinsed off. Makes it easier when you are using a washcloth and a basin. When he wakes up fully and can stand without falling, we can show you the shower..." Stephen said quietly. "If... If you want to go get your things, I can keep an eye on him..." He glanced at Mordo again, as if seeking approval.

"We can both stay and keep an eye on him," Mordo said, making it clear that he was going to stick close to Stephen's side.

"Thank you. I will collect what's needed while he's resting." Coulson glanced towards Stephen, then at Mordo, then back to Stephen again. "Your...behavior seems very deferential. I understand from the news reports that the two of you have bonded. Is your deference a side effect of that?"

"I..." Stephen paused and looked toward Mordo again. He could answer questions without express permission, if he wasn't giving away personal information Mordo had forbidden he tell about. But it was easier to defer to Mordo to explain.

"The bonding spell allows for one person to be in full and complete control and for the other person to submit." Mordo answered the question. Privately, to Stephen, he said, If you're comfortable with me going into further detail of what it entails and what it does, I will. He didn't want to embarrass the other man. After all, he'd made no secret of the fact he was in love with Stephen; and part of that was making sure he only shared what the other man was comfortable with.

Stephen glanced toward Coulson, then at Grant, before answering his mate. I think the more information he knows, the better. I recognize this man from the news as a wanted criminal. He is obviously dangerous, if the way we need to keep wards up to contain him is an indication. If he weren't, they would have tended to him at a regular hospital nearer to their location. And... I got the distinct impression none of Coulson's team was happy with his decision to help, so.... It is possible Coulson is in the same position you were. Loving someone who went so far over the line, the only known option is death, but he doesn't want to take that option....

Mordo sent a wordless acknowledgement through the bond before he spoke out loud to Coulson. "The bond doesn't just require a dominant and submissive. At its heart, it could be considered a master and slave spell. It only allows the sub the amount of control the master allows, which can be changed later if required. The spell requires sex to work fully and witnesses for it to form without problems."

Coulson's eyes widened a fraction, but all he said was, "You're giving me an awful lot of detail about how the spell works."

Since Mordo had explained in detail, Stephen felt comfortable addressing that comment, as it was his observations that had convinced him that Coulson needed to know. "Everyone knows I saved the world from Thanos. What they do not know is the full cost...the full ramifications...of what I did to be able to save the world..." He paused in shame. "I went over a line that I didn't realize was a death sentence for me to cross. Was a death sentence to an entire universe because..." He swallowed hard, guilt overwhelming him again and clear for Cousin to see. "... It was a line I couldn't uncross and led down a singular path with only two possible outcomes. I become the destroyer of worlds...or I be destroyed by the only ones capable of stopping me." He swallowed hard as he remembered what he'd done.

Coulson glanced at Mordo, then focused on Stephen once more. "But neither of those things happened? I know you weren't destroyed...you wouldn't be standing here if you were. But there was another way?"

"The spell," Mordo confirmed. "It was the spell, or taking Stephen's life to protect whole worlds from what he could do."

Stephen was looking at the ground in shame, eyes shiny from unshed tears. "I would have become a monster. I had power that was too seductive to resist... But using that power would bring destruction to all I loved and destroy what was left of my soul. Death would have been a kindness... But my master found another way." He looked up at the last, using the term instead of Mordo's name deliberately.

Ward had woken up not long after being brought into the room but had feigned being unconscious still. He knew how to keep his breathing and heart rate even, and he was certain if Coulson knew he was awake, he wouldn't let him pretend. His first inclination had been to fight...but he needed information and they probably wouldn't talk openly in front of him.

Mordo stepped nearer to Stephen, unable to help but respond to the other man's emotions. He reached out and placed a hand on Stephen's shoulder, squeezing gently. "It worked for someone who went over the line and there was nothing else left but death as a consequence," he said.

Coulson hesitated, unable to help glancing towards where Ward lay...still unconscious, as far as he was aware. "You're assuming I don't want to see him die."

"I know you don't," Mordo replied. "You wouldn't have brought him here if you did."

Grant had been listening closely, but it wasn't until Coulson commented about their assumptions that he realized. They were thinking of have Coulson bond him. Slowly opening his eyes and trying to get his bearings, he started to sit up, but groaned as a wave of dizziness assailed him. So much for fighting his way out.

It didn't occur to Coulson to hold back or try to keep his distance. If he'd wanted to do that, if he still intended to do that, he would never have dragged Ward through the portal; and he certainly never would have brought the younger man here.

Coulson moved over to Ward's side. "You were shot. The bullet's been taken out and you've been given blood to replace what you lost. But you still need to rest," he said, hiding his true feelings of concern...his real emotions...under short, clipped sentences.

Ward jerked away from the older man, habit and instinct taking over. They'd been fighting too long and viciously for him not to react in a defensive way. He winced as he pulled the stitches, then glared at Coulson as if it was his fault. "What do you want? Why would you...?"  He didn't finish the sentence; not certain he wanted an answer; it couldn't be for any good reason. Why would Coulson save him? He'd done nothing but cause the man problems since he'd escaped his custody two years prior. Of course, he hadn't been trying to cause problems... not at first. At first, he'd been trying to prove that he wasn't really HYDRA and that he wanted to be one of the good guys. None of them had believed that or acted like his actions were anything but wrong, though. He'd finally given up helping them and decided both HYDRA and SHIELD needed to be destroyed.

Especially after Kara. Grant had got his own revenge for that; killing Coulson's potential lover, leaving her to die in the older man's arms... just like Kara had been left to die in his. But having killed Coulson's potential lover should have meant Coulson wanted him dead. Which again begged the question. Why would Coulson save him and get him help?

"You're going to reopen that wound if you react like that," Coulson said. "I didn't save you from...whatever that space alien was just to watch you injure yourself and bleed out." He didn't know why Mordo and Stephen both seemed to think him and Grant bonding was a good idea. The problem was, now that he'd learned about the bond...he was considering it. Thinking about it. Because faced with Ward's potential death, all of those long-buried feelings had come roaring to the surface...and he couldn't bury them back down again.

He should. No good could come from any of this. Ward didn't feel the same. He could never have felt the same, otherwise he wouldn't have done even a fraction of what he had. And yet....

Breathing in deeply, Coulson took a couple of steps back from the bed...though he didn't turn his back on Ward; too wary for that. Which made the fact he was even contemplating this bonding something that was probably a bad idea. How could he trust...?

But then again, that was the whole point. Wasn't it? He couldn't trust. Not without something changing so drastically that he had no choice but to believe there was hope for Grant Ward. And if he bonded to the younger man, it would let him see if there was any chance...any hope. And if there wasn't, then he'd be bound to a mindless slave for the rest of his life.

"It was... something ancient. HYDRA had books about it from before they even formed into an entity. Before their forefathers formed into whatever groups they formed..." Grant muttered uncertainly, keeping a wary eye on Coulson. The man looked to be in deep thought; and Grant wasn't sure that was such a good thing for him. He glanced toward the sorcerers, then back at Coulson. Was the man seriously considering...?

Coulson sighed and took a deep breath, deciding to leave the question of the ancient entity to one side for now. After all, he didn't know how much Ward would tell him was true...and what he might say to save his own skin. Instead, he turned to Mordo and Stephen. "Do you have access to the spell?"

Stephen nodded, but quickly looked to Mordo for direction. He could go get the book if his master allowed. Mordo still limited what magics he could perform, after all; and he was only allowed to read certain books without Mordo's supervision.

Mordo nodded, giving Stephen permission. We will likely have to bind Ward with magic, he sent through the bond. There might be no other way, but Ward isn't going to understand or accept that not being bonded will end in his death. At least not yet.

Yes, sir. He'll fight if he isn't bound and that will make it harder on Coulson. I don't think he wants to do this any more than you wanted to do it to me. Even though it was for the best... Stephen acknowledged, even as he quickly left to retrieve the book and bring it back. It didn't take long and soon, he was handing the book to Mordo.

"You aren't seriously going to..." Grant turned wide eyes onto Coulson. "They had a close friendship before they bonded... They didn't hate each other..." he protested. How could Coulson want to permanently bond to him when he knew the older man despised him with every atom in his body? Deep down, he knew he didn't hate Coulson and was regretful that things had turned out so badly. If he hadn't owed Garrett so much, he would never have betrayed the other man.

"I don't hate you." Coulson's voice...his face...was resigned. "But you've left with me with no other choice. It's either this, making sure you can't hurt anyone or betray again, or kill you. At least this way, you'd still be alive." He turned to Stephen and Mordo. "Do I need to do anything else other than what you've already explained?"

Mordo shook his head. "We'll take care of the magical parts...including binding him so that he won't fight." He proceeded to do so.

Grant didn't bother protesting that Coulson did hate him. As soon as he was bound, he knew it was going to happen no matter what he said. He was held completely immobile, unable to even squirm. He wasn't going to cry or beg, even if being forced into this bond (along with everything that needed to occur for the bond to happen) scared him as much as it made him angry. He was helpless. It wasn't the first time in his life he'd been helpless, though; and he wasn't going to let anyone see him afraid. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth so that he wouldn't make a sound.

This was going to be hard...so hard, because for as much as Coulson cared about and actually loved Grant, deep down where he hid everything else, he didn't want this. He didn't want to force anything. But at least, once the bond was done, Ward would have as much freedom as Coulson could give him without giving him enough to potentially betray them again.

He just needed to force them both through this first.

***

Later that night, Stephen lay in Mordo's arms, snuggling close and tight. It hadn't been easy, witnessing the bonding. He hadn't really expected it to be. He'd known from his own bonding, and how his friends had reacted, that they hadn't enjoyed watching. And with his bonding, when it was all said and done, he'd agreed to it from the very beginning and wanted to belong to Mordo. Coulson and Grant hadn't even had that much. He couldn't help wondering if it wouldn't have been better for Coulson's sake to have just killed Ward. The older man had just loved the younger man too much to go through with that final solution, even if he couldn't admit that love to anyone.  I love you, master. I... I'm so glad our problems never reached the level where I couldn't agree to be yours... where the only choice I left you was to force me or kill me.

Mordo held Stephen close, letting his fingers stroke gently through his mate's hair. I loved you long before you knew you felt the same, but I don't know if I could have forced you, he admitted. Then again, if the alternative was killing you, or allowing another to do so.... He sighed. That decision could not have been an easy one.

The look on Coulson's face... I know it wasn't. It was harder to figure Ward out. He... he shut himself down and Coulson didn't seem eager to enforce his will more than necessary to keep Ward from being dangerous to us or himself. I couldn't tell what Ward felt about it... Stephen sighed. For their sake, I hope they can figure out a way to live with it.

Mordo nodded his agreement. It will probably be easier for them to stay here, at least for a while. I know the rest of Coulson's team didn't agree with him saving Ward, so until things are more settled, if they can be, they probably don't need to return yet to an environment that will be hostile to Ward.

Especially not when Coulson is beating himself up over how he had to force the bond. Stephen nuzzled Mordo's chest.

Yes, Mordo agreed. I can understand that guilt. Closing his eyes, he brushed a gentle kiss over Stephen's head.

You know you don't need to feel guilty about us? I agreed before you took me and... and I was very glad to be taken once we got going. The magic made it feel good. And after, you've only given me exactly what I needed to thrive...even when you took control over every single thing, it was only because I needed it... Stephen tried to help Mordo feel better.

It still wasn't what I would have chosen to do, Mordo replied. I know it was difficult for you, even if it wasn't through force. Of course, if the spell hadn't been necessary, Mordo likely never would have told Stephen how he felt...only loving the other man from afar and never acting on his feelings. Sighing quietly, he let his hands stroke gently down Stephen's back...automatically pulling his mate in closer and tighter.

I know. I can't regret it, though. It enabled us to be together. Enabled me to belong to you... Stephen leaned up and kissed Mordo deeply before laying back down, his head on his mate's chest.

I love you. Mordo sent the words through the bond, along with the emotion...allowing Stephen to feel how much Mordo loved and needed him; perhaps not in the same way that Stephen needed Mordo, but still just as intense.

I love you too... Stephen thought, his own feelings of love and need traveling through the bond. Take me, please? A hopeful desire flowed to Mordo.

Mordo smiled at the request and allowed his hands to rub gently down Stephen's spine, before he carefully turned them over so that his mate was pinned under him. With a gesture, he summoned lube to his hand and coated his member in it. Then, leaning forward and kissing the nape of Stephen's neck, he began to push slowly inside his mate.

Stephen smiled happily up at his mate, groaning softly as he felt himself stretching around Mordo's member. Perfect, my heart. I will never tire of being filled by you.

I'm glad. I could never tire of being with you, no matter what form that takes. Gently grasping Stephen's hips, Mordo began to thrust into his mate, still going slowly and gently...almost gliding over his mate's prostrate. At the same time, he continued to kiss the nape of Stephen's neck...every so often grazing with his teeth.

Stephen nearly purred from aroused, satisfied pleasure. It took little time at all before he was fully hard, leaking precum and moaning from the need to release. Mordo knew exactly how to move and where to touch him to take him to the edge neatly immediately.

Mordo smiled in satisfaction at seeing, hearing, and feeling the effects of Stephen's arousal. His mate's arousal affected his own, causing him to grow hard and thick inside the other man. He moved his hand to gently grasp Stephen's member, beginning to stroke it. Let go for me, he directed.

Stephen's eyes widened as immediately on Mordo's direction, his body went into spasms, releasing hard for his master. He didn't try to keep his voice down, the loud wail of pleasure carrying out to anyone within shouting distance of their bedroom.

Mordo's own release came over him at the same time and he let go, hard, inside his mate. He pressed a hard kiss against the back of Stephen's neck and then gently bit the skin...just enough to leave a very faint mark behind.

Stephen shuddered at the bite, slipping slightly at the dominant action. Yours... he thought woozily.

Mine, Mordo thought back. I need you. I love you. So much.... He traced the mark he'd left behind, the imprint of his teeth, with his finger. I wish I could mark you permanently. The words slipped through the bond without conscious thought.

I would accept any mark you wanted to put on me, Stephen admitted. What would you like to put on me?

A marking with magic. Here. Mordo traced his finger along the back of Stephen's neck. My initials, maybe. Something that's important to both of us.

Your initials for sure. Writing your name on what belongs to you... Stephen hummed softly, a warm, happy feeling traveling through the bond.

Mordo smiled at Stephen's agreement and happiness. Tomorrow, he decided. Once we have fully rested. I will put my initials on you so that it will always be clear who owns you.

Thank you, master... it makes me so happy to look forward to that... Stephen snuggled close, contented, and sated from the love making. Feels good having you in me... he added, with an impish wink.

Would you like me to stay in you while we sleep? Mordo asked, kissing his mate gently.

If you think it's okay, I would like that. We could spoon... Stephen gave a shy smile.

We can do that, Mordo agreed, positioning them so that they could 'spoon' easily.

Stephen's feeling of satisfaction and love was full. As he was positioned, he slipped slightly, a feeling of dependence also filling him. He belonged to his master completely.

Sleep now, Mordo whispered through the bond. I've got you. I won't let you go.

Yessir... Stephen closed his eyes and was soon asleep.

***

Grant lay in bed, only a foot between him and Coulson, and tried not to cry. Tried not to think. Tried not to feel. When Coulson had bonded with him, he'd been filled with fury. Coulson called himself one of the good guys, but was doing this? Forcing him into a bond that he didn't want? He couldn't say he wanted to die, either, and to hear them all talk, that was the only option left... but how many options had they looked at really? He certainly hadn't been asked his opinion. And once Mordo magically bound him to hold him in place for the bond to happen, he couldn't voice any opinions, because the bounding kept his mouth shut too. He'd been furious; and then....

Then the magic started to work, and he went so quickly from fury to horny that it made his head swim. All he could think of was how much he needed Coulson pounding inside of him, filling him, making him feel him for the rest of his life. At that point, he was grateful for the bounds that Mordo had placed, because if they hadn't been there, he would have been begging in the rawest way for Coulson to take him apart and mark every piece of him as belonging to Coulson. And Coulson was a very generous lover; Grant had to admit that. The man had done everything possible to make it feel good. To make it as easy as possible. Even now, with the magic having settled (mostly), part of him wanted to get on hands and knees and beg the older man to fuck him again.

And that was the damning thing. He was able to get on hands and knees and beg if he wanted to. Once the bond had settled, Coulson had quickly given him permission to take care of bodily functions if necessary, and to voice his opinion and ask for whatever he wanted or needed.  He might not be free to do everything he wanted without permission- he had to ask if it wasn't something to do with relieving himself, sleeping, or eating- but he could ask. The bond liked him debasing himself and asking Coulson for things. That's why he knew he could get on hands and knees and beg if he wanted, because the bond liked that idea. He could feel it.

Just like he could feel Coulson didn't want him in that way. As soon as the bond had been formed enough for Coulson to assert control, the older man had withdrawn from him, only touching him enough to make sure none of his wounds needed tending. He could feel Coulson's deep regret at having had to take Grant in that way. He didn't look deeply past that feeling. He didn't want to feel how Coulson hated him and found him disgusting. The bond wouldn't let him hide his own feelings, so he could only hope Coulson didn't care to look too deep, or the older man would know how hurt Grant was at the withdrawing. Would learn how Grant's hate was more towards himself than Coulson. Would learn how Grant wasn't as upset at Coulson taking over his life as he'd acted prior to the bond. And maybe that was the bond causing him to not be as upset and feel hurt at the withdrawing. Or maybe Grant had, deep down, always wanted to be Coulson's man, and his behavior and lashing out was because he knew he never could be. Whatever the reason, Coulson didn't really want him, but had forced himself to form the bond for reasons Grant didn't understand. Grant would die from shame if Coulson figured out that Grant was having such confusing thoughts.

And the bond really didn't like having that foot between them. Grant's body itched with the need to shift closer and ask to be held.

Coulson hadn't enjoyed the bonding. He would have, if it had been because they both wanted it...if there wasn't all the history and bad blood between them. And if he hadn't had to force the bonding, of course. There might not have been any other choice outside of bonding or killing Ward...but he hated the thought that he'd had to force it on the younger man. He'd done his best to be as gentle as possible, but he was still worried there might be tearing or swelling...and he wasn't so certain that Ward would tell him. He didn't know how the bond worked, but he hoped that he'd be able to feel it if Ward was in pain, or discomfort, so that he could do something about it.

If the bond wasn't forcing the closeness, Coulson would have left Ward alone, so that the younger man would have some peace. He couldn't help but feel guilty about what he'd done, but.... "I'm sorry." He said the words out loud, breaking the silence. "This wasn't something I wanted to do...but we've been in conflict for so long, the only other way it was going to end was with one or both of us dead."

Grant swallowed hard. He didn't know if he was meant to respond or not. Didn't know what he could say, really. It was exactly as he'd thought. Coulson didn't really want him. But he'd known that already, so why did having it confirmed hurt? If the other man had wanted him, he would have done something about it when he first found out about Grant's duplicity, after Garrett had died and Grant didn't have his debt hanging over his head. Grant had been willing to do anything and everything for Coulson, to prove his worth and prove that he could be Coulson's man every bit as much as he'd been Garrett's. Perhaps more than he'd been Garrett's, since Garrett had never wanted to touch him, so had never claimed him in that way. Coulson had only looked with disgust at his offerings. "You should have let me die, then..." he ground out, with all the hurt disappointment he could muster; and hoped that Coulson would just think it was anger.

Coulson closed his eyes and breathed in deep, trying not to show, whether on his face or through the bond, how much this had hurt him. Grant shouldn't have to feel the emotional turmoil, the emotional pain, that Coulson was suffering. "I should probably have given you the choice," he said quietly. "But I couldn't. I couldn't kill you. I couldn't let you die. I brought you to the only person I knew who could treat you and you'd still be safe."

Why? Grant didn't even try and voice the question, afraid that all the raw feelings of hurt abandonment would be heard in his voice. Coulson had come for him, saved him, only to turn from him again. And there was why he was so angry. He'd allowed himself to hope, even for only a second, that maybe he was getting his second chance and Coulson would bring him back to be his man. He had been a fool, if only for that second. Why couldn't you just let me die? Why save me when you don't really want me?

Coulson rubbed his flesh hand over his face...partly because he was so tired; but also, because he was worried that his own emotions would overwhelm him. He didn't know if telling Grant the truth would help anything...if it would do anything. But they were bonded now and there was no point in trying to hide it anymore. "You're wrong." He said the words out loud, because he was afraid that if he spoke telepathically, through the bond, his emotions would overwhelm both of them. "I do want you. I always did. But first I was your superior. Then it turned out you were lying...hiding...from everyone. And you kept holding back. How could I know if you were telling the truth and wouldn't turn on us again when you had already? You nearly killed Leo...Jemma. Leo's lungs are never going to be the same. If you could do that so easily, how could I trust that you'd be safe to bring around the team? That you wouldn't try to finish what had been started?"

Grant was glad that there was a foot of space between them now, despite his body itching. Otherwise, Coulson would have felt the flinch. He wasn't entirely certain the older man didn't feel it anyway. How could Coulson have known? He didn't know Grant. Not the real Grant that wasn't an act to get Garrett information. Grant didn't even know if he knew himself...how could he expect Coulson to know? Guilt speared through him. Maybe all his overtures hadn't been ignored because Coulson didn't want him. Maybe they'd been ignored because the older man, rightfully, couldn't trust them. And then Grant had lashed out in the only way he knew how and made the situation between them even worse. "I tried to show you I was on your side. I went against HYDRA for you. Took any tiny pocket of it I could find apart for you. I thought it would prove to you that I'd never truly worked for them... but you weren't happy about that. Why weren't you happy about that? Even if you didn't trust me at all, I was doing something I thought would make you happy..." His honest confusion about that bled through his tone.

"That wasn't the right way to do things," Coulson said. "Working alone...even if you were taking out HYDRA, that was never the way we did things. I thought it was just as possible you were taking them out because you were looking for revenge on those who'd let down Garrett, or that maybe you were building your own powerbase. I had to protect what remained of SHIELD."

Grant growled at that, but it sounded more like hurt child than an angry man. "I never worked with anyone before I got put on your team. Not good at it. Thought you understood that 'bout me..." He couldn't keep the hurt to himself, despite his attempts. It leaked through the bond, along with a hopelessness that he would never admit to if given a choice.

"But you worked with us, with me, for months...." Coulson couldn't ignore the hurt bleeding through the bond, though. He moved the inch across the bed towards Grant and reached out, very carefully wrapping his arms around the younger man. He felt even more guilty now, realizing how little he'd truly understood about Grant. The bond made it clear just how much he'd failed the man he was now mated to.

"And fought everything about myself to try and fit in!" Grant choked out. He couldn't pull away from the embrace; the bond didn't allow him to do anything without Coulson's permission and since the older man had initiated the hug, the bond had decided that the order to accept it was implicit. A sense of panic began to well up, though. The hug felt good. Too good. And wanting it was a weakness. Just like every other weakness that Garrett had tried to 'train' out of him. Every other weakness that he'd still kept and that ended up with him failing Garrett... failing everyone, really, since those weaknesses had led to him making mistakes that led to Coulson's team getting hurt. He couldn't even consider them his team. Even if he'd lived with them for nearly a year. Angry at himself for wanting the affection and at himself for feeling guilty, but unable to lash out in any way against his master, Grant reacted in the only way he could. He opened the bond up fully and let every last feeling and thought pour through to overwhelm Coulson.

First, he let Coulson see, firsthand, every vile thing he'd done for Garrett... making certain that Coulson knew that nearly every one of those vile things had been SHIELD sanctioned. It was almost as if he was daring Coulson to do something about it...daring him to give up and kill him after all. He tried to let it seem like he'd enjoyed it; since the whole team thought him evil enough to enjoy it, he would try and corroborate that, but he couldn't hide the guilt buried under the memories.

Then, he let Coulson see his family life; how he'd tried to protect his brother but failed so badly. How he'd finally broke and tried to set the house on fire. How Garrett had rescued him and begun training him. His intention was to show Coulson how he wasn't as weak and pathetic then as he was now and show him why he owed Garrett.

Finally, he let Coulson feel all his confused feelings, the top emotion being rage. But the rage was thin, at best. He was having to grasp at it to keep it in place, because all the emotions underneath were overwhelming him and destroying the rage, replacing it with need. Emotions like despair, despondency, dependency, and dread. Emotions like hopelessness, humiliation, hostility, or hysteria. Emotions like loneliness, lust, love, and loss. Emotions like loyalty, because now that Garrett was gone, he had no one to be loyal to. Had had no one to be loyal to. Now that he was bound to Coulson, he already felt a loyalty to the older man, but he couldn't honestly say it was the bond's fault. He'd felt that loyalty before betraying him.

And that was why he was so confused. He had felt loyalty to Coulson; and once Garrett was no longer there to demand his allegiance and obedience, he'd been free to obey and give allegiance to Coulson. But the other man had acted like it meant nothing. Hadn't believed that it was true. And while Grant understood why, he didn't really understand. His history and training didn't lend to him understanding. He obeyed orders. That's what he was meant to do. It had confused him that Coulson didn't see it that way. And the confusion had led to anger, had led to lashing out, had led to him doing the unthinkable and stepping over the last line that made Coulson think his only options were bonding him or killing him. How was it his fault he'd never been taught to think the way Coulson thought? He would have become Coulson's man and obeyed him in every way, just like he'd obeyed Garrett, if Coulson had accepted it.

Of course, now he would have that obedience without having to be afraid it was a lie...because Grant had no choice in obeying or disobeying. Coulson would probably think any positive emotions Grant felt toward him (and there were more than Grant was comfortable admitting to himself) were caused by the bond and not from Grant. Maybe it was better that way. But it depressed him. As the last emotion and thought bled out of him to his new master, Grant lay limp, tears falling down his face, feeling empty and alone.

The emotions...the feelings...the memories...were so intense, they were nearly overwhelming. But Coulson stayed above, like he was keeping his head above water. He held onto Grant through every bit the younger man sent him...and he took it all, knowing how he'd contributed to the hurt and pain and emotional turmoil. Even after it had all faded, even after the storm abated, he didn't so much as loosen his hold on Grant. Instead, he pulled the younger man close...and in return, he allowed himself to open through the bond.

It meant that Grant would feel everything that Coulson had experienced; the desire and love that he'd buried so deep inside...then the confusion and the betrayal that had come to the forefront when HYDRA had surfaced, and Grant had revealed himself to be a traitor. The sense of betrayal, the pain of it, had blinded him to everything else...and Grant's actions had seemed only to make it even more clear that he'd turned against them, that he'd turned against Coulson. Unlike the rest of HYDRA, Grant's betrayal was different...hurting and wounding on a deeper level than anything he'd ever felt before. And the more time had passed, the more conflicts that arose, Coulson knew they were hurtling towards an eventual conclusion...but even though it wasn't what he wanted, he hadn't been able to see anything past one or both of them ending up dead.

But then they'd ended up here...and he'd been given another way. And Coulson let that come through to Grant too: that he didn't want to have to kill Grant; that he loved him, despite everything, and had seized on the chance to put a halt to the path they were on. Because he couldn't lose Grant. Even after everything, even after the rest of the team had thought him a fool for acting to save Grant, for bringing him out...Coulson couldn't do anything else.

The images and everything from Grant's past before joining the team explained so much. Coulson hoped that opening himself up would help Grant understand him in a similar way...even if the younger man could never feel the same way.

Grant hadn't wanted to let go of the rage and hurt; it was easier to deal with rage and hurt than the other softer emotions he felt but seeing his actions through Coulson's eyes... and then feeling the love and desire that hadn't faded despite those actions... it was like a blanket smothering a fire. And even though he still didn't fully understand... probably never would unless Coulson trained him step by agonizing step like a toddler learning to walk... he knew what he was seeing and feeling from Coulson was the truth. And it made his actions even worse. If he'd not been so broken and uncomprehending and stupid... he could have not only been Coulson's man... he could have been everything. He'd never been everything to anyone before. He'd never been anything to anyone before. But he'd lost his chance.

Nearly lost his chance. Coulson hadn't wanted to kill him, even though Grant had pushed so hard and so far, he'd left little choice. So, he'd bound him. And now, even though Coulson had control over every single aspect of his life fully, even though he'd been furious about it, now he realized he'd been given what he'd wanted and needed since Garrett had died. He'd been given more. Calm and peace that he hadn't felt, ever, spread through him and then through the bond. He was safe. He was alive. Coulson didn't hate him. Maybe things weren't so hopeless after all. And then the guilt hit full force with nothing to buffer it.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered, in a tiny, heartfelt, but hopeless voice. He'd apologized before and not been believed.

Coulson let his breath out slowly and tightened his arms around Grant. He held the younger man close and closed his eyes, letting his lips rest against Grant's head. "I believe you," he whispered. They weren't empty words. He kept the bond open, so that Grant could feel that belief. And he cuddled Grant...holding the younger man as tightly as he could without further aggravating the wounds so vivid on the younger man's body. Because it was obvious that Grant had had no gentle or loving touch in his whole life...and Coulson was determined to make up for that lack.

Grant couldn't have pulled away if he wanted to; the bond didn't allow him any movement that went counter to what Coulson wanted. But despite being unused to it and feeling slightly uncomfortable, Grant didn't want to pull away. The affection made the guilt worse, though. He'd behaved horribly. Even he could see that, as broken and without moral boundaries as he'd become. The tears fell faster, and he couldn't stop the first tiny sob from breaking free. And then he was crying. Full-on ugly crying, in a way he hadn't cried ever. I'm sorry... he thought through the bond this time, letting Coulson feel how guilty he felt and how regretful he was. I didn't know how to... I don't know how to... He gave up even thinking words, just letting Coulson see how he didn't know how to behave without explicit orders. That the two times he'd taken over and run his own life and made his own decisions, he'd ended up in juvie for setting fire to his family's house... and did a whole lot of things Coulson disapproved of. Bond is good... he shivered. Keep me good....

With the bond, I can help you, Coulson agreed. I can be your moral compass, until you don't need me to be anymore. He rubbed his hands gently down Grant's back, still keeping the bond open between them...so that Grant would be able to feel the sincerity in what he was saying. You were abused and used by people who only wanted bad things for far too long. I don't want you to do anything for me. I just want to help you reach the point you should have been helped to get to long ago. It made him sad, able to see how much Grant had been failed...and he himself had added to that. I'm not going to fail you again. I'm not going to let you down again, he promised.

Grant heard the words and could feel they were true, but he had been used so long, it was hard to believe nothing would be expected in return. But he supposed it didn't matter. If Coulson truly wanted anything from him, anything at all, he could just order Grant to give it. The bond would ensure he was obeyed. Grant would just have to trust Cousin wouldn't do that to him...at least not for things that weren't necessary. He shifted slightly so that he was more on his side instead of his back; the bond allowed it, since he wasn't pulling away from Coulson. I'm not as sore as last time I was forced. He thought of Lorelei and how she'd clawed him up to show him how little he meant. I... It felt good. He blushed. If I had understood and not been scared, I would have liked it. Wanted it... He was attempting, in his own bungling way, to help Coulson feel better about how he'd needed to rescue Grant. He could tell that had truly bothered his master now that Coulson had opened himself fully so Grant could feel. Gentle and caring is... I don't know how to handle it. Makes me nervous. Rough and demanding, I'm used to. It... Felt good. He blushed again, knowing how messed up he was. Still a little sore. I can take it. Thought I should tell you? His feelings were hesitant toward the end. Just because he and Coulson had come to an understanding didn't necessarily Coulson wanted to know insignificant things like if he felt soreness.

Mordo and Stephen left supplies here, Coulson said. I can treat that soreness if you want me to. I know I had to force you to form the bond, but I don't want to force you into anything else. Despite everything that's happened between us, I still love you. I never stopped, even when that was buried down deep because it was the only way I could survive. He gently stroked Grant's hair...needing to give the younger man affection. Even if it made Grant nervous and he didn't know how to handle it...Coulson knew Grant needed it. I'm sorry I didn't bring you back to me before, but I'm going to make up for that now. I'm going to give you all the help, support, love and care you should have had since the beginning.

Grant blinked at Coulson giving him the choice. The older man didn't have to. He could do whatever he wanted to Grant and Grant would have to take it. That he would give Grant the choice made it clear that what Grant was feeling and seeing through the bond was true. The stroking of his hair felt good, even if it made him nervous. "Like it..." he admitted bashfully. "...You... You'd take away the sore?" He didn't see how Coulson would want to. Why touch him there if he wasn't getting anything from it? Grant could take care of it...maybe...even if Coulson treating him was easier and would guarantee nothing would be missed.

"It's okay if you like something," Coulson said gently. "If it feels good and you like it, you can tell me. You don't have to ask for more if you don't feel comfortable doing so. As long as I know you like it, I know you'll be okay with me carrying on." Gently stroking his other hand down Grant's spine, he added, "And yes. I'll take the soreness away. I want to take care of you, Grant. Because I love you and I don't feel good about hurting you, even if I didn't have another choice that would have been acceptable."

Grant felt himself tearing up at the kindness...the words of love. "I didn't give you any other options..." he admitted, in a soft, guilty voice. "I was doing everything I could to lash out and had stopped caring who I hurt. Deserved to die, but... you found another way." He swallowed before admitting, "I don't mind having to obey you. That I don't have a choice but to do what you say. I know that's not normal. I'm sorry I'm so messed up... but for the first time since Garrett died, I don't feel unhinged. Even though you hated doing it, I'm glad you did. I'm not as afraid anymore...."  He shifted slightly before adding hesitantly, "If you don't want me to be sore as a reminder or anything..." He bit his lip. "Can't help feeling like I deserve to be sore after all the bad I did...."

"You don't deserve to be sore." Coulson's voice was gentle. He kissed the top of Grant's head and then let go of the younger man with one arm so that he could reach out to pick up the ointment that had been left close by. "I know you've been in a bad place for a long time...we're going to be working on that. On getting you on the path of healing. I'm going to start by looking at a professional therapist for you to talk to. There are still some people I can trust."

"I've been messed up a long time... Least, I think I musta been. I can see now how Garrett used me. But I was willing to die for him. Didn't see anything wrong when I was obeying him..." Grant sighed. "I only felt right when I had someone to obey..." he admitted reluctantly. "You saw what happened when I made my own choices." He paused. "I can tell you feel badly about forcing a bond on me. That it felt wrong to you but killing me felt more wrong. But... Feeling you in complete control of me? I finally feel right again. Settled. So... Yeah. I'm messed up." Grant smiled crookedly, then shifted so Coulson could treat him.

Coulson began to carefully use the ointment to treat the soreness and slight swelling. It wasn't as easy to do as it would have been when he had two flesh hands, but he managed it. "I'm not going to use you, or make you do things that will scar you mentally or emotionally," he promised. "Maybe the situation isn't an ideal one, but...you are mine now. And I'll look after you. Take care of you. And help you begin to heal from everything that was done to you."

"You'll give me boundaries? Rules to obey?" Grant shivered as Coulson treated him. It felt good. Soothing. What felt best was finally belonging to someone who cared about him.

"Yes. Whatever you need," Coulson promised. He would have had to do that anyway; Grant had done a lot of things that he really shouldn't have, which had ended with a lot of people getting hurt...killed. He couldn't be entirely faulted for lashing out, like a hurt child having a tantrum, but just like a child needed to be given rules and boundaries in order to thrive...Coulson was aware he'd need to do that for Grant.

Grant relaxed, a feeling of peace travelling through the bond. Thank you, sir...

Coulson didn't respond verbally, but he let his love and care come through the bond towards Grant...making sure the younger man could feel he was now Coulson's top priority and that he was loved and would be taken care of.

Grant just relaxed as Coulson cared for him. He couldn't move anyway, but he didn't really want to either. The gentleness only proved to him that his master wasn't a bad guy. He began to feel more guilty about what he had done in his attempts to hurt Coulson. "I'm sorry, sir. For everything..." he repeated quietly.

"I know," Coulson said quietly. "I believe you. And I forgive you. We'll work on all of this, Grant. You aren't beyond hope. I'm sorry I assumed you were for so long."

"I didn't give you a reason to believe in me. But you still saved me. I want to make you proud..." Grant admitted.

"I know you will." Coulson made sure Grant could feel the truth and sincerity in his words. He finished rubbing in the ointment and then wrapped his arms around Grant in a close, tight hug once more, kissing his shoulder.

Grant didn't know if it was the bond or Coulson's affection making him so docile, but he decided it didn't matter. He snuggled back against his master with a happy hum.

Good boy. Coulson whispered the words through the bond, kissing the younger man's other shoulder, and just held onto Grant. For the first time in a long time...he finally felt at peace.

The End