About Responsibility

Summary: Follows We Should Talk About This. The Protagonist gets hurt while on a mission. Neil feels responsible for it
Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for the whole movie; AU; references to violence
Pairing: The Protagonist/Neil
Author’s Note: Written as part of the October mini-challenge, out of your comfort zone, on Spanking_World over at Livejournal. These are the prompts for this fic:

5. Multiple positions (more than one position featured in a spanking, for example moving from standing to otk; any positions at all are up for grabs here)
4. Any type of shoe (sandal, etc)
2. In or by a vehicle

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“I’m sorry.”

The two words echoed in the room, breaking into the debriefing Ives was giving the group of soldiers. Neil’s soft voice cut through the rest of the background noise, but he ignored Ives’ glare boring into his back. Into his neck. His eyes were entirely focused on the Protagonist. On the man he loved.

More specifically, on the man’s bloodstained shirt. He could glimpse the white bandage covering the wound and it hadn’t been deep enough to require stitches…but the sight of it made Neil’s stomach clench. His mouth turned dry and a hollow pit of guilt had formed in his stomach. He could barely force the words out. He tore his eyes away from the sight of the wound, trying not to think about how the Protagonist had received it, and said, “It was my fault. I…I can’t stay here.” He’d break, if he did. Break with guilt and shame and fear.

He didn’t give any of them a chance to speak, instead turning and heading out of the barracks. He paused just outside, letting the cool breeze tease through his hair, and closed his eyes.

“This wasn’t your fault.”

The voice that came from behind him wasn’t a surprise. Neil wondered if his partner would ever let him out of his sight for long. Though that wasn’t exactly fair. He laughed – a harsh, bitter sound – and turned round to face the Protagonist. “You got hurt because you came to pull me out of a tight spot. How is that not my fault?”

“Did you intentionally get surrounded?”

“No.” Neil hesitated before blurting, “But I wasn’t as careful as I should have been. I was too eager to get to the files. And I….” His voice dropped. “I’m sorry.” The guilt stabbed through him, as hot and sharp as a knife.

The Protagonist strode forward, reaching out and grasping Neil by the shoulders. “What happened? You’re normally so careful.”

“I saw the files, out in the open.” Neil closed his eyes. “I wanted to grab them. Wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. I was careless and didn’t see the other soldiers until it was too late and I was already surrounded.” He opened his eyes and looked into the Protagonist’s face. “It was a mistake I shouldn’t have made. I know better. And you were hurt because of me. I….” He took a deep breath. “I know what I deserve. I’m sorry.”

The Protagonist wrapped his arms around Neil and Neil hugged his lover back tightly. He breathed in deeply and pressed in closer when he felt his lover’s hand on his bottom. Two hard smacks to each buttock made him whimper; another two to each thigh made him whimper. He clung onto his partner and he whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re smarter than this, Neil.” The Protagonist pulled back to look into his eyes. “What’s going on?”

Neil looked away, refusing to make eye contact, and whispered, “I don’t know.”

“I know that’s not true.” The Protagonist turned Neil around and a stinging swat propelled him forward, towards their car that was parked only a few feet away.

The tight grip the Protagonist had on his shoulder ensured that Neil couldn’t move more than a step or two forward and with each forward movement, his lover smacked his backside to propel him forward. As soon as they reached the car, he pushed on Neil’s back, bending him over the hood.

A few seconds later, Neil felt cool air waft across his backside as his pants and underwear were tugged down to around his ankles. He reached across the hood of the car, clinging on tightly, hot tears already stinging his eyes.

An implement rested across his buttocks, wide enough to cover both cheeks at once. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, forcing his body to relax in place.

When the implement was raised, his body tensed and his breath came out in a rush of air when it landed, catching both buttocks at once. He whimpered and clenched his hands into tight fists, taking a deep breath in when the implement was raised again.

He cast a glance back over his shoulder; saw that the Protagonist was holding a combat boot. Not one he was wearing; both were still on his feet. The Protagonist saw him looking and asked, his voice quiet and steady, “Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know.” Neil looked away, not wanting to watch the boot as it landed. But he felt it, across the middle of his backside, and hissed out a low gasp.

After only four strikes from the boot, Neil’s whole bottom was stinging and tingly in parts. When the next series of strikes were delivered, he couldn’t help crying out with each one. The tears escaped his eyes as the third circuit of strikes began and he began to sob quietly.

Sixteen strikes total and then the Protagonist stopped. His hand rubbed slowly over Neil’s back and even through his tears, Neil’s body relaxed for the touch of his lover. His voice broken, he whispered, “I am sorry.”

“Why did you do it?”

The question made him flinch, because he knew his partner wouldn’t let up until he had the answer he was looking for. And he couldn’t find it. His voice hoarse, betraying how emotional he felt, he got out, “I’ve been asking myself that since it happened and I just don’t know.”

The Protagonist sighed and the next moment, Neil was pulled up. He moved his hands to his bottom, rubbing gently, feeling the slight ridges left behind by the impact of the boot. More tears filled his eyes as his partner reached out to open the car door, then sat in the backseat.

Neil didn’t need to be asked. He swallowed back some more tears and leaned forward, crawling into place across his partner’s lap. Once settled in place, his feet resting on the ground outside the car, he breathed in deeply and waited.

The Protagonist’s hand didn’t hurt as much as the shoe had, but as his lover began to smack skin that had already been tenderised, it didn’t take long for Neil to begin squirming. The tears fell hard and fast now, threatening to blind him with the force. He didn’t try to stop them. Didn’t try to hold them back. He cried and reached down, clinging to the Protagonist’s ankle so that he wouldn’t throw his hand back to cover his bottom.

Just as it reached the point he thought his backside might burst into flames, the Protagonist stopped and rubbed his lower back. “Do you want to know what I think?”

“Please,” Neil muttered. “If you’re expecting me to answer, I’m never going to be able to sit again.”

“I think you’re trying to restore fate’s balance; because on a subconscious level, you still feel like you should be dead and I should be working towards meeting you for your first time.” The Protagonist continued to rub Neil’s back. “Does that make sense to you?”

“A hell of a lot more sense than me losing my common sense while we’re on a mission.” Neil sighed, relaxing at the gentle rubbing of his back. His bottom stung and burned, but being touched by the man he loved was more than enough to encourage him to relax in place and sigh, his eyes half-closing as a low, appreciative groan escaped him.

“I think we need to figure out a way of dealing with this,” the Protagonist commented. “A way that doesn’t involve me grounding you from missions. Because if I think this might happen again, I’m fully prepared to keep you back.”

“I understand.” Neil’s voice was low. He let go of his partner’s ankle and reached back, grasping the Protagonist’s hand. “I love you.”

“I love you, Neil. And I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.” The Protagonist rubbed his back for a few more moments and then helped Neil up, settling him on his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around him.

Neil took a deep breath and wrapped his own arms around his lover just as tightly. He rested his head on the other man’s shoulder and sighed. “I am sorry.”

“I know.” The Protagonist kissed him, the pressure of his lips against Neil’s light and undemanding. “I forgive you,” he whispered against Neil’s lips.

Neil relaxed and just cuddled in close. “Thank you.” He knew, eventually, they’d have to return to the debriefing…but for right now, he just wanted to be cuddled and held by the man he loved. And give the raging fire in his backside a chance to go down.

The End