A Sister’s Love

Summary: Rafal spends a thousand years trying to wake his sister. The long years alone do nothing for his sense of guilt, but when Nel finally wakes, she can help her brother
Warning(s): Spanking; major spoilers for the DLC Fell Xenologue; minor spoilers for the rest of Fire Emblem: Engage; references to violence and canon character death; AU

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As the years had progressed...as he'd stayed by Nel's side, sharing his life force with her and desperately hoping to bring her back...it had been a struggle to hold onto the faint sense of hope the Divine One had stirred within him. His sister's body was cold. He couldn't lay next to her, sharing her warmth, as they had done in the past. Every time he pressed close to her, all he felt was guilt and pain.

He'd done this. Nel was on the brink of death because of him. Their world was dead because of him.

Everything that had gone wrong was all his fault.

If he didn't know he needed to keep his strength up to keep sharing his life force with her, he would have ended up starving himself. As it was, he only left her side long enough to eat enough to sustain him. He didn't care about what he ate; he just needed to keep himself as strong as possible so that there was a chance, however small it was, that he'd be able to bring his sister back. Even if she hated him and never wanted to see him again, even if she could never forgive him, at least she'd still be alive.

There weren't many animals left in this world that he could hunt, even if he only made sure to take as little as he could to sustain himself. And he couldn't bring himself to leave Nel for long, so his hunting grounds were very close to the area he'd brought her to lay and rest. It was as comfortable as he could make it, well out of the way of any of the corrupted the Divine One and the others hadn't been able to destroy.

Nearly one thousand years had passed now...and while Rafal hadn't stopped sharing his life force with his sister, hadn't even hesitated to continue to do so, he was beginning to lose hope. What had made the Divine One so sure that Nel could be brought back? What if they were wrong, and nothing he did worked? If Nel could never wake up....

Swallowing hard, Rafal pressed himself close to Nel's cold, still body and closed his eyes. Tears leaked out from beneath his lids and he couldn't help but sob out, "I'm sorry." He'd cried a lot during the long days he'd spent here by her side. More than anything, he wished desperately that he'd never been so foolish. It would be easy, far too easy, to blame their father for his actions; to blame Sombron for what he'd done. But if Rafal had been strong enough, brave enough, smart enough, he would have been able to forge his own path. This world would never have been destroyed. Nel wouldn't be cold and still; at death's door, if she wasn't already through it.

He pressed closer to her, letting his life force flow from him through to her, and imagined he could feel her body warming. He imagined he could feel her chest beginning to rise and fall. He imagined he could feel her warm breath on his skin.

"My brother...."

His eyes flew open as he heard her voice. He pulled back, staring into her eyes that met and held his. Eyes that were open, looking right at him and through him. "Nel!" He blurted her name, more tears falling down his cheeks.

"Brother." Her hand reached out and touched his face. "You're still here."

He closed his eyes and pressed into her touch. He knew he shouldn't. Once she came fully to and remembered what he'd done, she'd order him from her side. He should pull back and prepare himself emotionally for that.

But he couldn't make himself pull away from her warmth.

Her fingers brushed over his face, wiping away the tears that were continuing to fall. "How long has it been?"

"One thousand years." He sniffled quietly. "The Divine One returned to their own world, with what remains of the Four Winds. They asked us to come but I...I didn't know if it would work. If I could bring you back to life. But I had to try."

"You succeeded. You brought me back." Her voice was calm. Gentle. There was understanding in it, not accusation or blame.

"You wouldn't have been in danger at all, if it wasn't for me." His breathing hitched as more tears fell down his cheeks. "None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me. I...I can't even say that I'm sorry, because it's not enough. An apology could never be enough. I have no way to make up for everything I've done."

"Brother." Nel sat up slowly, wincing a little. She reached out for him.

"You need to eat. To get your strength back." He stood up quickly. "The Divine One told me that the invitation to go to their world would be open for whenever we wanted to take it. You should go there. I know the Divine One in this world is dead, and that the one who came here is not the same as the one you loved, but you should still go there. You'd be happy."

"Without you?" She was frowning. She pushed herself up slowly, reaching out to brace her hand against the wall. "Do you expect me to just leave you here? To abandon you? After we've spent most of our lives together?"

"I'm not Nil." He stared at the floor, wrapping his own arms around himself in an attempt to self-soothe. It didn't work. "I know you said that you always knew, but...you never knew. You never knew me. I hid everything from you. And I...I brought them all back. Your friends. The people you cared about. And you had to kill them."

"It was a burden I chose to take on myself." Nel paused, briefly, before saying in a soft voice, "You were controlled by the spell our father placed on my dragonstone. As soon as I realised that, I knew I had to save you. No matter the cost."

"No matter the cost." He repeated the words, his body shaking. "The cost was very nearly you. I could have lost you to my own...to my own foolishness. Blaming Sombron is easy. He didn't carry out the actions I did. Our friends might have been killed during the war, by him, but I was the one who brought them back and set everything on a collision course towards...towards...." His voice trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to say the words. "I should have been strong. Like you. I should have realised I was being deceived. I...." He cut himself off and took another step back from her. "Staying here, in the world I destroyed, would be a fitting punishment for everything I've done. But you should go to the Divine Dragon's world. You belong with them."

She stepped closer to him, reaching out and taking his hand. "What is your name, brother? Your true name?" Her eyes bored into his.

He let his breath out slowly. "Rafal. My name is Rafal." He'd said his real name before, but it had been after she'd succumbed to her wound.

"Rafal." Her smile was tender and affectionate. She reached out and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. "I'm glad you told me, finally."

"I wish I'd told you before." He relaxed a fraction into her embrace, raising his own arms to wrap around her as tight in return. "I thought maybe you'd reject me. I...I was scared. Nil loved you so much. He made me love you too. But I thought there was no chance you could love me as me."

"I told you that you're the second half of my soul, when you were still pretending to be Nil." She pulled back enough to look into his eyes. "I knew you weren't him from the start. How can you ask me to leave, to go into another world, without the second half of my soul? Would you consign me to that pain for the rest of eternity?"

More tears fell down his cheeks. He'd held them back, for the most part, during the long years he'd been waiting for her to wake up. Now, he couldn't hold them back any longer. Not faced with her open acceptance of him. Still, despite the fact she so obviously still wanted him with her...in spite of everything he'd done and all the pain he'd caused...he couldn't let go of his guilt. Even if she'd been the one to stab herself, it was for him that she'd done that. "I told the Divine One that we'd come to their world if you woke up and if you were able to forgive me," he confided.

"I do. I do forgive you." She spoke the words without hesitation, her embrace tightening.

"But I don't deserve it," he whispered.

Nel was quiet for a few seconds. She didn't pull away from him, though, so he couldn't assume that she was rejecting him. Finally, she seemed to come to a decision. She stepped back from him, but she reached out and she took hold of his hand. "It's clear to me that it doesn't matter what I say to you. You'll be torn up with guilt. It'll hurt you and result in me losing my brother as surely as if you died along with Nil. So because I don't want to lose you, because I won't lose you, I'm going to help you let go of your guilt. I'm going to punish you," she said simply.

Rafal swallowed. He thought about pulling away, but it was only briefly. He loved Nel. He loved her as surely as if they truly were the twins he'd pretended they were for so long. And if she thought he should be punished, then he wasn't going to fight back against her. He'd submit to whatever she felt he deserved, as long as she didn't leave him. So he followed obediently where she led him, as she walked towards the bed she'd spent one thousand years sleeping on. And when she sat down and guided him into position across her lap, he didn't balk and he didn't protest. Instead, he let himself be positioned and just buried his face into his arms, whispering, "I'm sorry, Nel. I'm so sorry."

"I know you are, brother." Her voice was gentle and understanding. "This isn't about wanting revenge on you. It isn't about wanting to make you suffer for what you've done. I just want you to be able to make a start forgiving yourself. Because if you let the guilt consume you, it'll take you away from me. And I won't allow that to happen."

He breathed in deeply and let himself relax over her lap, prepared to submit to whatever she planned to do.

Her hand rubbed his back gently for a few moments, until he relaxed in position over her lap. Then, she moved her hand a bit lower and tugged his trousers and underwear down, baring his bottom.

Rafal couldn't help the soft whimper that escaped him. Their father had never physically punished any of them. All Sombron had done was pit his children against each other. He'd never cared about any of them enough to try and improve their behaviour, or keep them alive and close to him. Even after he'd named Rafal as his heir, Rafal had always known he was disposable to Sombron and that if he was no longer useful, he'd go the same way as the rest of his siblings.

No one had ever tried to punish him in this way, even when he'd been pretending to be Nil.

He shifted slightly as cold air ghosted across his bottom, causing goosebumps to prickle along the exposed skin. He breathed in slowly and then exhaled that breath in a sharp gasp when her hand landed for the first time in a stinging, firm smack across the centre of his backside.

It hurt far more than Rafal had expected it to. At the same time, as the immediate sting faded, he wondered how this could be nearly enough to make up for what he'd done. The pain didn't really linger, although the strength was enough to take his breath away when Nel delivered a second swat just below the first.

As she continued to swat firmly, making sure his entire backside received attention, he had to rethink his assumption that the spanking wouldn't be very effective. Originally, the sting had faded quickly after the initial smack had landed, but when she began to cover skin that had already received attention, the pain began to linger, causing his skin to sting and burn.

He'd already been crying before she'd even started the spanking, his feelings of guilt and deep, emotional pain overwhelming him. The longer the spanking went on for, the stronger those emotions got...to the point of overwhelming him. His whole body slumped over her lap, and he began to sob hard. He was crying too hard even to stutter out an apology, even though he desperately wanted to put voice to one. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was. He wanted to tell her that he'd do anything to make up for what he'd done, to make up for hurting her in the past, to be worthy of her forgiveness. But he was crying too hard to put voice to any of that. All he could do was hope that she would understand all the words that he couldn't say.

She finished with a few final smacks to his sit spots and thighs, then brought the spanking to a stop. After pulling his clothing back into place, she helped him up and into another tight, hard embrace.

Gulping back his tears, Rafal wrapped his own arms around her and clung on. He was getting her clothing wet, but she didn't seem to mind. And her hand was stroking comfortingly down his hair and over his back, which enabled him to relax more and nestle in close to her.

There was silence that descended, but unlike the silence that had permeated the area while he'd been waiting for Nel to wake up, this was much more comfortable. He sniffled quietkly, feeling warm and a little flushed, and finally managed to whisper, "I'm so sorry. I know how much I hurt you...how much I hurt everyone. I don't understand how you can so easily forgive me." He held onto her a bit tighter despite his words, almost afraid that she'd actually listen to him and pull away from him.

She didn't. Nel kissed the side of his head and whispered, "I love you. You stayed by my side. You waited for me to wake up. You didn't leave my side. All of that just proves that you're worthy of forgiveness. You're worthy of being my brother. I love you," she repeated.

He'd been crying too much and for too long already, to the point that he didn't think he had any tears left to shed. But her words threatened to cause a fresh wave of tears to fall, and he had to bite his lip so that he could keep at least some semblance of control over himself. "Thank you," he whispered hoarsely. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, or your love. But I'm so grateful to have both."

"Please don't blame yourself for everything that happened," Nel murmured, even as she hugged him a bit tighter. "If our father hadn't set us all at odds against each other, this world wouldn't have been destroyed. Our siblings wouldn't be dead. It's not all your fault, Rafal. I understand not wanting to put the blame onto someone else for your own actions, but you wouldn't have done a lot of what you did if it wasn't for the spell our father placed on my dragon stone."

Rafal wasn't sure he could really believe her; not that he thought Nel was lying, but because he didn't want to make excuses for what he'd done. It felt too much like running away from what he'd caused. But...maybe she had a point. Maybe he didn't have to hate himself...at least not entirely, even if he struggled to forgive himself. "Do you think there's a chance I can make things right?" He couldn't keep the note of hope out of his voice.

"Not by staying here," she replied. "But if you didn't think you could go to the Divine One's world...I wouldn't go there without you. I want to stay with you. I want to stay with my brother," she said outright.

He looked into her eyes, seeing the truth and honesty there. Taking a deep breath, he nodded and let himself relax against her. "I want to stay with you," he whispered, his voice still rough with emotion. "If you think it's a good idea to go to the Divine One's world...I'll go with you. I won't leave your side."

"Thank you." She pulled back slowly from him, giving him a gentle smile. "Let's find something to eat...and then we will go to the Divine One's world." She held a hand out to him.

He couldn't make himself smile, his emotions still too close to the surface. But he could, and did, reach out and put his hand into hers. Her skin was warm, alive, against his...and he told himself that he would never risk losing her again. No matter what happened. "Thank you," he said again.

Her smile was warm and loving as she led him from the area and they went to prepare for their journey to another world.

The End