A Broken Trust
Summary: When Sejanus finds out that Coriolanus recorded his confession, he's hurt and upset. Coriolanus tries to explain, but an apology alone can't fix broken trust
Warning(s): Spanking; spoilers for The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes; AU; references to violence
Pairing: Sejanus Plinth/Coriolanus Snow
Author's Note: This is a standalone fic, where Sejanus is the one who takes control. I hope you enjoy this role reversal!
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In the end, Coriolanus hadn't sent the jabberjay to the Capitol with the others. He couldn't deny that he was worried...scared, even, although he wouldn't admit that out loud to anyone. He fully believed that Sejanus would be safe if his treachery came to light. After all, his father would be able to buy him out of any trouble he ended up in.
Coriolanus didn't have that luxury.
And yet, even though he knew he needed to save his own skin, he hadn't been able to make himself send the recording.
Shifting position slightly, he listened to the recording again...after glancing at the door to make sure no one would come in and overhear. There was no mistaking who the voice belonged to, or the words that were being said. The jabberjay had captured Sejanus' words perfectly...and, of course, that was what they were made to do. To mimic what people said.
He wished he hadn't had the jabberjay there at all. He wished he hadn't heard Sejanus' confession at all. He should have told the other man to shut up, or walk away. Now, he couldn't even pretend ignorance if Sejanus' crimes were uncovered.
The recording ended, and the silence that fell was deafening.
Hearing the sound of footsteps approaching the barracks, Coriolanus glanced up and towards the door. He wasn't sure who was coming; he wasn't sure if he wanted to see anyone. Maybe he could make an excuse that he needed to do some training...or needed to meet someone. A whole lot of excuses went through his mind as he reached out to pick up the jabberjay, intending to take the incriminating bird with him.
It was Sejanus who entered the barracks.
Coriolanus relaxed, but only marginally. Considering it was Sejanus' words he'd recorded, the other man was the very last person he wanted to see. Seeing Sejanus caused a sense of guilt to spike at him and he looked down at the jabberjay he held, then quickly stood up.
"Where are you going?" Sejanus asked.
"I have to take part in another training session." The lie tripped easily off Coriolanus' tongue. "I was late to the last shift change, so I have extra duty as a punishment."
Sejanus looked at him oddly. "Is everything all right?" There was a heavy note of concern in his voice. He stood up. "I can come with you, if you want? It's probably a good idea that I get some more training in."
Coriolanus looked down, realising he was scuffing his foot along the floor. He forced himself to stop. He was acting like a guilty child...but then again, that wasn't far from the truth, was it? He might not be a child, but he was guilty. And if he wasn't honest with Sejanus, how could he really call himself the other man's friend?
Taking a deep breath, still unable to look at the other man, Coriolanus put the jabberjay down. And he played the recording.
Sejanus flinched visibly as his own voice filled the barracks. The look he shot towards Coriolanus was one of pure betrayal. "You recorded me? What were you going to do? Send the jabberjay to the Capitol? Try and get me executed?"
"No." Coriolanus flinched at the words. "I told you already, Sejanus. You wouldn't be in any danger. Your father would be able to buy you out of any trouble. But I don't have that. I don't have a rich family. I...." His voice trailed off. Even if Sejanus already knew, he couldn't force himself to say the words. He couldn't make himself say how far his family had fallen. The moment he put that into words, it would make everything his family had lost more real. "I'm sorry," he whispered instead. "I didn't think when I made the recording. But I'm not going to send the jabberjay to the Capitol with the others. I'll keep it here. No one has to know." He finally looked up, making eye contact with Sejanus, willing the other man to believe him. "I made a mistake."
"A mistake isn't something like this," Sejanus whispered, his voice sounding very hurt.
Coriolanus winced and nodded in understanding. "What can I do?" His voice faltered a little before he forced himself to continue. "How can I make things right between us?"
"I don't know." Sejanus sat down slowly on his sleeping mat and rested his elbows on his knees, putting his head in his hands. "I thought we were friends." His voice was muffled, but the hurt note in it was as clear as anything.
Coriolanus swallowed, feeling guilt pricking even deeper. He'd already known that recording Sejanus was a mistake after doing so. Now, he wasn't sure how he could make this right between them. What if Sejanus decided he couldn't be friends with Coriolanus anymore? What if Coriolanus' actions had driven a wedge between them that could never be fixed?
"They use corporal punishment at the Academy." Coriolanus blurted the words before he could think about them.
Sejanus lowered his hands and stared at him. "What?"
"Corporal punishment. When a student does something wrong, they get caned." Coriolanus shifted slightly, remembering the descriptions he'd heard from the other students. He'd never been caned himself; his behaviour and grades had always been perfect. They had to be. But from everything he'd heard, a caning was a severe punishment that no one could get through without losing their dignity.
"Why are you telling me this?" Sejanus asked.
"Because...." Coriolanus swallowed hard and looked away. He didn't know what he was more afraid of: that Sejanus would take his suggestion and he'd have to submit to a humbling, painful punishment; or that Sejanus would refuse, and Coriolanus would have no chance of making things right between them. The thought of being punished in that way filled him with dread, but the thought of losing his best friend hurt him even more. So he made himself continue speaking. "Because I don't know any other way to make things right between us. I don't know how to prove to you that I'm really sorry for what I've done. This is my only idea." His face was hot. Just asking for a punishment was embarrassing and felt awkward...but if it meant he could make things right between them, he thought he could make himself submit.
"I've never been caned before," Sejanus said quietly.
"Me neither." Coriolanus shrugged and tried to make light of the situation. "I thought I'd managed to get through the Academy without experiencing it. But if it will help you...help you to forgive me and realise that I really am sorry...." His voice trailed off. He wasn't going to beg Sejanus to punish him. If the other man refused to let him make things right, the loss of his best friend would hurt...but he'd have to accept it.
Sejanus continued to stare at him for several long moments; long enough for Coriolanus to shift uncomfortably. Finally, he said quietly, "Okay."
"Okay," Coriolanus repeated. "I...I don't think we have a cane here. But there are other implements. Just...tell me what you want to use and I'll get it."
"I'm not going to use an implement," Sejanus replied.
"You're not?"
"I don't think it's necessary. I don't think using a cane, or whatever else you might have in mind, will be nearly as effective as me just using my hand," Sejanus said honestly. "I never got caned before, but I'm pretty sure it was about causing as much pain and discomfort as possible and less about changing behaviour."
"Maybe you're right." Coriolanus cleared his throat. "What do you want me to do?"
"Come here."
The order wasn't entirely unexpected, and Coriolanus found himself obeying without conscious thought. His feet led him over to stand in front of Sejanus...and then he just stood there, not sure what he was supposed to do next. Bend over the bed? Bend over and touch his toes? Somehow, neither option seemed to make things easy for Sejanus.
"Bend over my knee."
Coriolanus flinched at the order, his eyes darting to Sejanus' face. "Over your knee? But...." His voice trailed off. He didn't know how to put into words his reluctance to actually place himself over the other man's knee. He didn't even know why he was reluctant to actively position himself for punishment. This had been his idea in the first place, after all.
"Do you want to go through with this?" Sejanus asked quietly, looking directly into his eyes. "This was your idea, Coriolanus."
"Can we get past this without me submitting like that?" Coriolanus asked.
"I don't really know how we can get past this," Sejanus admitted quietly. "I always thought you were my friend, Coriolanus."
"I am your friend!"
Raising his eyebrows, Sejanus pointed wordlessly at the jabberjay.
"That doesn't mean I'm not your friend," Coriolanus whispered. "I made a mistake. I...." He forced himself to stop talking. All he was doing was making excuses. And excuses weren't going to make things right, or heal the rift between him and Sejanus.
He had two choices right now: submit, and hope that he could repair things with his best friend; or say no, and walk away with the knowledge he could never make things right between them, knowing that he'd damaged their relationship beyond repair.
The thought of submitting, the very idea of submitting, was one that filled him with dread. But the alternative was losing his best friend without doing anything to try and put things right. And that wasn't really an option he could take.
Taking a deep breath and mentally steeling himself, Coriolanus moved closer to Sejanus' knees. He bent forward at the waist, and he leaned forward until he was bent over Sejanus' lap. He felt the other man's hand move gently over his back, down over his bottom, and he felt his face grow hot. Something about this position, about submitting to having his bottom spanked, made him feel like a child...even though he'd never been physically punished as a child. This was the first time he'd be facing any kind of physical punishment.
He really hoped it would also be the last time.
Sejanus moved his fingers to the waistband of Coriolanus' trousers, and Coriolanus couldn't help but stiffen up slightly. He forced himself to relax as Sejanus eased his trousers down off his backside, even though a pit of dread formed in his stomach at this next step.
Sejanus left his underwear in place, but that was only a small mercy when Coriolanus felt the first hard smack land, high up on his right buttock. It stung...not unbearably so, but enough to draw a hiss of breath from him in reaction.
Another smack landed on the opposite buttock, leaving behind a matching sting. Coriolanus breathed in deeply, forcing himself to lay there and submit. He knew he could fight back; he could put a stop to this easily. But if he did, he wouldn't be able to earn Sejanus' forgiveness. He'd have no chance of making things right.
But it did hurt...and it stung even more when Sejanus found his rhythm, swatting every inch of Coriolanus' backside from the crest down to mid-thigh. When his thighs were swatted, Coriolanus couldn't stop the soft whimper from escaping his lips. The spanking hurt. It hurt a lot more than he'd expected it to, given how bad he understood the cane to be.
And then Sejanus began to swat again from the top, covering skin that had already received attenton.
Coriolanus began to shift, squirming in position over Sejanus' lap as his backside began to heat up. Worried that he'd throw his hand back to try and stop the spanking, he reached down and wrapped his hand around Sejanus' ankle. It was embarrassing that he was so affected by the spanking, to the point of tears filling his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. A quiet sob caught in his throat.
"I thought we were friends, Coriolanus." Sejanus sounded close to tears himself. "I thought I could trust you. That's why I told you everything. I didn't...I didn't know you were recording me. I didn't know it would even cross your mind." As if his hand was an emphasis to the words he was saying, his hand began to fall harder and faster.
Coriolanus yelped. He couldn't help it. The spanking had already been painful enough, without Sejanus putting more force behind the swats. But even though his bottom was beginning to burn, the pain of the spanking wasn't nearly as bad as the emotional pain from the guilt, getting even worse the longer Sejanus spoke. "I'm sorry!" He wailed the words, more tears beginning to fall.
"Are you?" Sejanus asked directly. "Or are you just saying you're sorry because you think it's what I want to hear? Because you think it'll end the punishment quicker?"
Coriolanus' breath caught in his throat as Sejanus began to aim more swats to his sit spots and the tops of his thighs. His thighs weren't covered by his underwear, and the sting was even more intense on bare skin. But even though the spanking was more painful than he'd ever thought something so simple could be, he was hurting even more inside. Every time Sejanus spoke, it drove the pain deeper and deeper into Coriolanus' heart...until his emotions overwhelmed him and he began to sob hard, slumping over Sejanus' lap. He desperately wanted to apologise, but he was crying too hard to get the words out.
It took Coriolanus longer than he would have liked to realise that the spanking had finished; that Sejanus was no longer swatting his backside, but was instead gently rubbing his back. Breathing hitching softly, Coriolanus whispered, "Is it over? Can you...will you...forgive me?" He hoped so. This punishment had been humbling and painful. He was pretty sure that his bottom was bright red. It certainly felt like he'd sat down in a fire.
"Yes." Sejanus whispered the word, barely loud enough to carry to Coriolanus' ears. "You did hurt me, Coriolanus...but I believe you're sorry. And you didn't send the jabberjay back to the Capitol." His hand was still rubbing gently over Coriolanus' back as he asked, "Is there anything else you need to confess?"
"I cheated in the games." The admittance slipped out without Coriolanus thinking about it. His bottom was stinging and his emotions were all over the place, but he felt almost safe and at peace in this position. His mind was slightly hazy and even though he was pretty sure Sejanus would let him get up now, there was a big part of him that didn't want to; that felt more at peace giving up this kind of control to the other man.
"What did you do?" Sejanus asked softly.
"I gave Lucy Gray poison to sneak into the arena," he whispered. "And I knew Doctor Gaul was going to unleash her snakes. So I used a handkerchief with Lucy Gray's scent on it. I put it into the vat of snakes, so they'd know her and leave her alone." He shifted position slightly. "I'm not sorry for doing it." If he was confessing, he might as well confess everything. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'd do anything to save her."
"I wish you had that kind of desire to save the rest of the Districts from the Hunger Games," Sejanus said quietly.
Coriolanus didn't know what to say to that. Finally, though, he whispered, "I just wanted to save her." He wasn't sure if that would change anything, or if Sejanus would decide he wasn't worth forgiving. Coriolanus knew he wasn't a good person, at least not in the way Sejanus and other people thought of as 'good'. But if Sejanus realised he wasn't, maybe he'd decide it wasn't worth them still being friends.
Trying to mentally prepare himself for that rejection, Coriolanus pushed himself up. There were still tears on his face and he wiped them away before taking a step back from Sejanus, feeling abruptly bereft. "I truly am sorry," he whispered. He didn't know if he'd be believed or not. If he wasn't, there was nothing else he could do. If Sejanus decided he wasn't worth forgiving, Coriolanus was out of ideas to change his mind. He'd just have to accept the loss of their friendship. Steeling himself for that rejection, he prepared to take a step back; to leave Sejanus.
"Hey...." Sejanus reached out and wrapped his arms around Coriolanus in a tight hug. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're my best friend, Coriolanus. Maybe you're even my only friend." A sad note crept into his voice as he whispered, "Maybe I'm a fool to believe you, but I do. And I forgive you. I know how hard this was for you to agree to."
A sense of relief filled Coriolanus, leaving him feeling almost lighter than air. He wrapped his arms tight around Sejanus in return and drew in a deep, almost shuddering breath. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I am sorry. Thank you." The last bit slipped out without conscious thought and he flushed, but hugged Sejanus a bit tighter. "Not for spanking me." He had to clarify that. The spanking had hurt, but the pain wasn't nearly as bad as the way it had made him feel. "But for forgiving me. Thank you. I won't do anything that will hurt you again," he vowed.
"I know."
Coriolanus pulled back a little, enough to look into the other man's eyes. Then, giving into his urge...into his instinct...he leaned forward and kissed Sejanus.
The other man's body stiffened in surprise against him, but after that brief hesitation, Coriolanus felt Sejanus responding...opening his mouth in invitation and bringing his own arms up to wrap around Coriolanus, gently rubbing his shoulders.
When he had to breathe, Coriolanus pulled back just enough to look into Sejanus' eyes. The other man's were wide and he looked almost drugged. Coriolanus let himself smile and leaned in again, kissing him a second time. "Thank you," he said again.
Sejanus gave a tiny half-laugh. "I think I should say thank you," he whispered. "I didn't realise you were attracted to men."
"I'm not." Coriolanus kissed his neck and closed his eyes, letting himself inhale Sejanus' scent. "Just you. You're the only man I'm interested in."
"Where do I fit in with Lucy Gray?"
Coriolanus thought about that as he kissed Sejanus' neck, smiling slightly at the way the other man shivered under his touch. "I want both of you," he admitted finally. "I might need to have a conversation with her about it, though." He didn't know if Lucy Gray would be open to sharing, but he hoped so. Pushing those thoughts aside, he crawled onto the bed and pulled Sejanus down with him. "But right now...I just want to be with you."
They didn't leave the barracks for the rest of the day.
The End